We were lucky to catch up with Ashley Emerson recently and have shared our conversation below.
Ashley, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I have struggled with depression and since the teen years, even as someone raised in a faith-based and overall warm environment. I never felt comfortable in my skin and was always stuck in my own head. Music and creative writing afforded a way to safely express, process, and wallow (at times). Sharing and exploring life experiences gives you a chance to bless or encourage another person, or other people. We are made to create, and that includes the dark parts of our lives. To answer the question–creating art has given purpose to the pain, and that has really helped me over the years!
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I was born in 1991 and have lived in sunny Southern California all my life. I remember running around apartment complexes, dipping in and out of units, getting fed and watered in sumptuous fashion by different moms, and annoying older siblings by snitching on their scary movie sessions. When my mom and I moved to a house she could afford on her nurse salary (the same house she lives in now), I remember the countless, unmatched summer days starting lemonade stands, buying ice cream, and riding bikes with neighbor kids; days that only wrapped up when the street lamps turned on and the moths started fluttering. I grew up jumping fences, snatching low-hanging loquats, and swimming in the sun until my hair was nearly blond, until all you could see were my white teeth if you took a picture in the dark. I have been writing short stories, songs and poetry since I was very young but only recently decided to treat my passion for constructing narrative as a life goal, and my primary hope with everything I create—whether blog, podcast, song or story—is to capture a bit of nostalgia and take the reader into a rich, colorful experience. A mini-vacation, if you will. I recently re-launched my blog, An Introvert At Large, where I discuss mental health, faith, creative pursuits, and personal development, and where I am also releasing my horror-fantasy novel one chapter at a time!
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I have been working in one capacity or another since I was eleven years old, starting with a family friend’s hot dog stand and my step-dad’s tool shop. Since then, I have worked in logistics, warehouses, marketing, commercial acting, food services, and have been in finance for the past five years. The three behaviors that granted me the most success in each of these areas were 1) learning aggressively, 2) being useful at all times, and 3) focusing on what I can actually control.
Be willing to learn—aggressively. When you enter a new space, you should make an effort to understand the social/political dynamics, but never let those dynamics dictate your pursuit or rate of learning. Research, buy books, ask questions and make mistakes early on because people will give you grace for the first six months at (almost) any job. To that point, sometimes, and especially in conversation, it is actually more helpful to pose a question the wrong way, because people LOVE to correct other people. If you can take the ego hit, you will get a dissertation on why your way of thinking is wrong, whereas if you happen to guess correctly or pose the question in a way that doesn’t take any risk, you may never understand the underlying concepts. Plus, that person walks away feeling pretty important. And, if you can say thank you sincerely, you’ve given them a chance to do you a favor, which means they’re more likely to like you.
Be useful at all times—seriously. This has to be one of the most cliche things I’ve ever said, but if you want to make strides in your career while others are puttering along, make yourself busy. My first role in finance was reception desk for a private equity firm. I was 28, with an irrelevant political science degree, and had been running a family business for almost 8 years with no real salary movement. Overnight, I was subordinated to these starry-eyed, 22-year old communication majors who had just graduated and had every option ahead of them. Yeah, I thought about it and it wasn’t thrilling. But I decided to hunker down and throw myself into even the most mundane work. If I was putting out breakfast for meetings, I did it as beautifully as I could. I answered the phone with warmth. I was constantly checking the different floors, to make sure that paper and pens and notebooks were stocked. Doing everything with excellence became a game, a framework I took with me when they made me assistant to the accounting team and CFO, then promoted me to Analyst and finally to Associate. And, if you think this applies only to corporate opportunities, think again! When I was commercial acting in my early twenties, I’ll never forget this one shoot for a cell phone company: Every time the director said cut, I would run back to my mark as fast as I could, but my co-stars would goof off between takes, enjoying the experience of not being extras for once (and fair enough), but one guy kept everyone waiting repeatedly. The director was visibly irked. When the final product was released, the post-production team had done a meticulous and very pointed job of ensuring that only tiny slivers of his face were visible, even though he was very attractive, charismatic, Instagram-famous, and was in practically every shot (as I recall). To this day, I don’t know how they did it. But I do know *why* they did it. Make yourself useful, guys.
Be focused on what you can control—completely (I just had to keep up the -ly pattern). There is a time to look around and admit that a place is a mess (maybe there’s gross inefficiency, bullying, illegality, etc.), but once you do admit this, either make plans to move on, or make your peace. There is a time to stay and a time to leave, but there is never a time to spend precious energy bemoaning things you can’t control. And I say this as someone who has absolutely tortured myself over cruelty, injustice, and nasty behavior unnecessarily! To be blunt, HR is there to protect your employer’s interests, so don’t hold your breath for justice being done to a horrendous manager. You can’t control them, but you can start methodically looking for a new job before the situation becomes unlivable. You can’t control the fact that the Port of Los Angeles is shut down due to longshoreman strikes, but you can contact every major distributor and have a personal conversation about why things are delayed. You can’t control the fact that the customer is furious, but you can control the pace of your words, the relevance of your questions, and the tone of your voice. (Bonus note—some of my very worst customer interactions become the most loyal customer relationships.)
Be aggressive in your learning. Be useful at all times. Be focused on what you can control. Hard to beat that!
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
Procrastination and self-sabotage have always been huge struggles and regrets for me—even with this interview! I waited until after the initial deadline to complete it, even though I felt it eating away at my peace. I have a deep seated fear of momentum and an unrealistic fear that my pursuits will somehow “get out of hand.” When a lot of people have started interacting with my content or projects, it starts to feel as like roping a wild horse or staying seated on a bull. I’m not sure why I feel this way but I do know that momentum is necessary to achieve anything in life. So I have started to remind myself that I *get* to do this or that, instead of I *have* to do it. Every responsibility is also an opportunity, after all. Practically, I have started forcing myself to think only of the absolute next, tiniest step—plug in the computer, open the computer, click on the link, select the first question from the dropdown. That was my process for completing this interview: Keeping my eye on tiny, tiny steps that are captive to the present moment. I hope this helps someone!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://anintrovertatlarge.substack.com
- Instagram: @ashleynicoleemerson
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyemerson
- Twitter: @ashwritesbook
- Spotify: Ashley Emerson
Image Credits
Headshots by Britni Eberle Photography
