We recently connected with Alicia Tappan and have shared our conversation below.
Alicia, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hops that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
As a survivor of child sexual exploitation and human trafficking, my brain had been rewired from trauma. Nightmare, flashbacks, visions and triggers were a constant reminder of the tragic experiences I had to consistenly work on overcoming. This lead to addiction, self medication and numbing the pain. However, even through suicide attemps and self mutulation, self-sabotage, and eating disorders, I kept waking up every day. And then one day I had had enough.
It took nearly 20 years to finally recover from it all. I sought out Jesus, because everything else I tried didnt work. I had multiple psychology degrees, had 500 certified hours of yoga/buddhist training, I had travelled the world to find healing and then I heard this from a pastor: “stop asking God for your purpose and stop searching the world. Get down on your knees and ask God for what breaks his heart for you”. Essentially, ask why you were created. And I did that prayer. His voice answered me: “Find my missing children.”
I now had purpose. Swiftly after I was introduced to what they called a Human Trafficking Survivor. Even though over a decade before, I had put my trafficker in jail, my case was called “rape and conspiracy” and there wasn’t any real closure to what had happened to me. This new friend would help me discern my struggles and the roots of all my pain.
I got active and started telling my story. I met new survivors, and more helpers along the way. I started seeking real therapy. I was introduced to music, art, equine, anger management, conflict resolution, crisis intervention strategies, marrige counseling, and medication. In 2022, I had my last night of binge drinking and woke up the next morning torn from habitual decision. I decided I needed rehab. And I went. I finally ate 3 meals a day, colored, played cards, had groups and eventually met a psychiatrist. I told her all my symptoms of why I drink and she came back with a symptoms sheet for Pre=menstrual dysphoric disorder. I finally had some true clarity of what was wrong with my brain and why I had major mood swings.
On my last day of rehab I walked out, never to touch a bottle again. I quit drinking and smoking weed. I changed my meds and felt incredibly better. I kept pushing through because I believed one day I would truly be walking in my purpose with the right support. I have been sober since, my mind works in such a different capacity than before, and I am pursuing my PhD in Forensic Psychology and now am the Founder for Survivor Led Solutions: a national nonprofit that supports the professional and leadership development of survivors of human trafficking.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
My goal is train as many people as I can about the lifespan of a victim-survivor-warrior of sex trafficking. My organization Survivor Led Solutions is building a restorative justice program for training of law enforcement to providing services in the jails, to creating a re-entry program for survivors to find safe space to heal.
We are building out specailty courts, to promote intervention and introduce to services, and we wrap around these women and their children.
I have a book series: Brave Girl Diaries, to be released in 2025 that is a cirriculumm for survivors at any age to do group work with the series. The aim is to address the issue of sex trafficking through prevention, intervention and rehabilitation. It is an interactive professional memoir.
Lastly, we also host LeadHer Retreats for survivors who need to unplug, heal, and fill their cup as the continue to work in the fight against trafficking. These retreats are filled with therapuetic groups, activities, and team building so promote the collaboration of anti-trafficking efforts and empwer survivor leaders.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Learning to trust again…and again…and again. Not everyone is out to hurt you, but to really buidld up the discerntment between those you can trust and those who are using you.
2. Believe in myself. I was always self-doubting and dumbing myself down to fit in. I was afraid of my super power which is a natural leader. I learned to hone in that superpower and bring it into dark places to empower others to love themselves just as they are.
3. Ask for help. This one can be the hardest. A trauma response is to become so self-reliant it hurts. This causes compassion fatigue and burn out. It is imparative to find good resources and reliable help and to not stop until you do.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
Beng overwhelmed is all consuming. It breaks down your immune system, pushes family and friends away, and encourages isolation instead of support.
After a 40 hour Crisis Intervention training I participated in a few years ago I created an acronym for check in mentally, physically and spirtiually.
I call it your “R.E.N.T. check.”
R- rest: even if for 5 minutes. Close your eyes, do some breath work, and let yourself release the need to just push through because if you do not
rest, you are not your best.
E- Eat. After a major activity, mental strain, or emtional outburst, you need to refuel. This might mean eat a mint- as we know peppermint has some therapuetic properties and can relieve headaches. Or try something you have never had. The curiousity around taste, texture, and temperature can provide some distraction from that past moment. Also, carbohydrates and protien together help kick start your metabolism.
N- Nature. Whether sunny or rainy- the natural air is healing. Vitamin D is crucial, but so is the smell of rain. If you cannot go outside, meditation of being by a river, in the forest or at the beach can bring a sense of peace.
T- therapuetic modalities. If you cannot talk about it- write, draw, sing, dance, do art, music, rip up paper, break sticks, throw ice cubes in the bath tub.
The point is to do each one step by step so by the time you are ready to talk about it, you have clarity and a sense of calm.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.survivorledsolutions.org
- Instagram: survivorledsolutions
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tappanconsulting
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
