Meet Kim Ludeman

We recently connected with Kim Ludeman and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Kim, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

I have always felt confident but had terrible self-esteem. Growing up, I was fearless about putting myself out there and taking up space. However, I always worried if I was doing it “right” or if I was “good enough”. I would “should” on myself and used my confidence and bravado to cover up my low self-esteem. I think it is entirely possible for someone with low self-esteem to have oodles of confidence. In fact, a lot of people make up for the lack of self-compassion with confidence and the ability to be bold in social situations. For me, the congruence of the two has been a life long process. The biggest key has been practicing curiosity over criticism. This has allowed me to observe the internal stories and beliefs that I have about myself and my worth. Instead of doing something “right or wrong”, I could be curious about why I was doing something and what was motivating me. Was it a lack of connection? A need for love? A desire to be seen and understood? If so, I could then employ self-compassion without judgment. Letting go of judgment over my thoughts and feelings has been huge for my self-esteem. When I release judgment, I allow more room for empathy and kindness. I can meet my own needs instead of burrowing into old stories of not deserving praise, love, security, etc.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

My mom died when I was 19 years old. My father sold my childhood home and moved to another state. He then secretly remarried 6 months later, attempted suicide multiple times and I became aware of his Narcissistic Personality Disorder. After two years of University, I moved around while working and attending community college. I was in a tumultuous three year relationship that ended badly. I was lost. I was raised conservative Christian and had no idea who I really was or what I wanted in this life. All I had was the wounds from being raised by an NPD father and the trauma of losing my family.

Fast forward 20 years. I have been married for 16 years and we have two children. I have spent thousands of hours in therapy working on these deep wounds and trauma. It wasn’t until 2019 that everything really changed for me when I started doing Brainspotting. This therapeutic tool uses where you look to access stored trauma in the Limbic System of the brain. You can reprocess and release this stored trauma which can be transformational. It allowed me to heal wounds I didn’t even know I had and to reclaim my right to compassion and kindness instead of judgment and shame.

I have been doing coaching since 2009, first as a Personal Trainer and Nutrition Coach. I moved into the Life Coaching space in 2016 and have been utilizing Brainspotting since 2020. It has allowed me to support clients around the world and to be a provider that can hold space for them to feel and heal. This is an incredible honor. I have also been able to host multiple retreats around the US that have been focused on the expansion of compassion, kindness and hope for individuals.

I have also hosted the Captivatingly Confident Podcast since 2019. On the show, I have 126 episodes all about #realtalk on how to feel more confident and to love the life you’re living. It has been such a joy to create a space for conversations that feel really real and accessible.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

1) Curiosity. Be curious about your own experience and the experience of others. Don’t assume, judge or criticize. Stay open to not knowing and practice asking “why”.

2) Kindness. This is underrated in our society. Be kind and always give the most generous interpretation of events and peoples actions. Everyone is fighting a battle we cannot often see and kindness is the doorway to healing and connection. It’s infectious.

3). Self-Compassion. Healing and growth are a life long process, not a destination. You can’t rush it, you just have to be open to it. Practicing self-compassion will soften you in so many ways and open you up to the lessons life is trying to teach you.

Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?

I wouldn’t say this is a who, but rather a where. I cannot understate the powerful impact that nature has had on me. I started hiking in 2017 and it has become a passion of mine. The mountains and trees are my favorite places to be. I love backpacking and spending days and nights surrounded by silence. The trees have so much wisdom and grounding energy that we don’t even tap into. I would not be where I am today if it were not for being outside. Do it as much as you possibly can!

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Image Credits

Alissa Elliot

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