Meet Tori Williams Douglass

We recently connected with Tori Williams Douglass and have shared our conversation below.

Tori, so great to have you sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our readers and so let’s jump right into one of our favorite topics – empathy. We think a lack of empathy is at the heart of so many issues the world is struggling with and so our hope is to contribute to an environment that fosters the development of empathy. Along those lines, we’d love to hear your thoughts around where your empathy comes from?

Growing up poor and worshiping my dad helped me develop empathy. I grew up under the poverty line, donations for Christmas, food bank and food stamps, public transportation, all my clothes came from Goodwill. Not a terribly unique circumstance, I think what was different was that I was always looking for my dad every time we left the house because he worked constantly. Everywhere. I’m half Black and I grew up in a very white area. My mom claims my dad was the first Black man to live in my hometown. So I constantly had my eyes peeled for my dad. And while I didn’t see my dad, what I did see was a lot of people who looked like my dad who were clearly in crisis. When you grow up not seeing yourself represented much and the people who look like you and your family are disproportionately in crisis? That created a huge amount of empathy in me.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I teach people about the connection between racism and their nervous system. Specifically, I work to explain to folks why they are behave in racist ways (even when they don’t mean to) and why they feel so defensive when called out for it. I point out the way that we are taught US history and the way the media portrays Black and brown people creates negative associations. Neuroscientists say “neurons that fire together wire together”, so when you see Black and brown faces associated with crime or “being illegal”, your brain creates racist neural connections that then fire the next time you see a Black or brown face, that neural connection fires up, creating a negative impression.

I work about 50/50 with faith based organizations and non-religious organizations, and I primarily do trainings teaching people to use what we know about neuroplasticity help them disconnect those negative associations so that everyone can be respected and productive.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Cultivating a deep sense of curiosity, self-compassion, and drawing connections. I believe curiosity is the antithesis of prejudice and self-loathing. When we get curious about people (including ourselves!) it’s like sticking a wedge in between those negative neural associations. By getting curious, we can stay in a place of nervous system regulation, and we can then practice compassion for ourselves and others. The way to start this practice is by noticing when we go into mindsets of prejudice, judgment, or self-loathing, catching ourselves in that moment, and instead asking a question. When we replace prejudice with curiosity, we can start to ask ourselves, “Ok how did they/I get here?” Which is a beautiful place to move forward from.

Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?

I’m always looking to partner and collaborate with folks who are passionate about social justice, activism, and evidence-based education. I’m specifically interested in working with individuals or organizations who are committed to creating meaningful change through nervous system regulation, anti-racism education, and building resilient, compassionate communities.

The kinds of folks I’d love to collaborate with are educators, organizers, storytellers, business leaders, academics – pretty much anyone with aligned values. If someone listening wants to explore ways we can combine skills, platforms, or ideas—I’d love to connect!

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Image Credits

Images are mine to use

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