Meet John Milham

We were lucky to catch up with John Milham recently and have shared our conversation below.

John, so many exciting things to discuss, we can’t wait. Thanks for joining us and we appreciate you sharing your wisdom with our readers. So, maybe we can start by discussing optimism and where your optimism comes from?

Most of my life I’ve been more of an optimist than a pessimist. Ive kind of always been the peace maker in my family so that role has given me that label. Sometimes that’s a hard place to be because everyone wants you to choose a side, but as the peacemaker, I hope to try to understand the whole situation as best I can. Learning to hold space for others when they need me and not trying to solve or “fix” everything is also a way to maintain a more optimistic approach when I need to. I also try to not take others personally in situations and look for empathy when I can remember. I can say too that my optimism may also come from the idea that all things are impermanent. When I am dealing with anger, frustration, impatience, boredom or whatever comes, just the noting to myself that “all things come and go” or ” this too shall pass” help me from getting trapped in the “woe is me” story (insert sad violin music). It doesn’t mean that I never get caught in those emotions, I still do. I can lose my temper and be a complete jerk and pessimist at times!! Its human nature. But maybe with that knowing, it just doesn’t happen as often as it used to. So when I remember that wisdom, I can help keep others calm in a stressful situation. I like to be the one who keeps things in balance, I mean, Im a Libra, that’s what I’m supposed to do!

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I have been playing music since I was 13 years old joining the Fairhope High School Marching Band. I really wasn’t that interested in being in the marching band, or a drummer for that matter, but my father was insistent that I joined because my brother who was one grade ahead of me was a drummer and in the band. I was moving out of a small country town outside of Andalusia Alabama and was actually really into basketball at the time, but that summer before, I had attended a Fairhope High Band field trip with my Dad and brother and I remember hearing the band play the Aaron Copeland compostioin “Appalachian Springs” and my body was covered in chill bumps. I loved it so much. I remember being mesmerized watching the drum line warm up too and realized that my love for music stretched far beyond what was on MTV and the hair bands of the lates 80’s. I took an immense pride in my role in the drum line and was so fortunate to have a great band director Steve Sims, who is a legendary figure in the town of Fairhope Alabama. We had an incredible music program and I was truly fortunate to be a part of it. I also grew a love for Jazz through my exposure in the High School Jazz Band. Out of high School, I started touring with a band “Haere Marue” we toured extensively through the southeast college circuit for several years releasing a self titled album and gained a lot of popularity. That lasted about 5 years and throughout that time, I was jumping from one major to another in college and not doing well with any of it. I also lost my Mom to a car accident (incidentally 30 years ago today) and my world sort of spiraled out of control. My mom was my rock and my best friend. I was 19, playing rock and roll and doing every substance I could find to escape dealing with grief of my loss. I found joy in playing music but had no focus. I eventually left the South and headed to music school at the Berklee College of Music in Boston to study jazz performance. I had many great experiences there but found myself in a crumbling engagement and homesick from my family and friends. I moved back south in 2000, joined a band called Kung Fu Mama and went back to touring again. It was during that time I met my wife Andrea. We met at one of my shows and fell in Love. A few months later we were getting married in her mommas backyard in Laurel Mississippi which is where we eventually moved in 2007. Now 22 years later we have had 3 kids who are now ages 19,15 and 8 and I have spent these years as a freelance drummer, touring and recording with many artist while helping my wife run a small business in downtown Laurel called Southern Antiques. In 2018 I also released an album of my own music titled Ardens Garden and hope to release another one in 2025. Stepping back a little bit to 2003, I found myself in terrible health and told by a doctor I was class 4 for a heart attack. I was living hard with drugs and alcohol and tethering on the edge of severe depression. This series of events led me into a Yoga studio in an attempt to get my life back together. This was also the first time I really faced my mother’s death and dealt with years of suppressing my emotions that surrounded that. My Yoga and meditation practice became somewhat of a life line for me to hold things together. I decided to take a Yoga Teacher Training in 2014 with the intention of simply deepening my practice. Teaching and talking in front of groups of people was terrifying and I had NO desire to be a teacher. Throughout that year, my yoga practice taught me to move towards your discomfort and fears. The more you move towards what frightens you, the more grow and evolve. So here I am, 9 years later and have taken 2 yoga trainings (a 200 and 300 hour), and next month will graduate from a 2 year program called MMTCP (Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program). I have gained so much insight to my own habits and patterns and discovered how transformative having a meditation practice can be. It has unfolded in so many ways in my life and in my workshops I have taught and attended, I have seen some of the most incredible changes in myself and others. It has helped me as a Dad, Husband, Musician and friend. It’s funny to think about how my mom always told me Id make a great therapist because I have always been the peace maker in my family and here I am 30 years later learning how to help myself and others through yoga, mindfulness and music. Life can surely come full circle at times.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Three qualities that were most impactful to me was 1) Learning that everything I think isn’t always true 2) don’t take others personally and 3) Relationships with others, for me, has been the biggest tool in my journey for self growth.

The understanding that my thoughts were not always necessarily true has really helped me to deal with self doubt and other negative emotions when they arise and cultivate qualities compassion for myself and others. Not taking things personally has helped me to feel more connected with others. My meditation practice has been a process of learning to notice what thoughts or emotions arise without judgement and through that process, I have gained some insight into what brings me peace and what causes me to suffer. By understanding my own suffering, I have began to understand how we all suffer. We are all connected.

Lastly, I would say that relationships with others have been the most important thing in my journey for self growth. Every person, plant and animal is here to teach you something. The moments when you are in anger or upset about a situation is always a moment to look within yourself and ask, “what am I learning about myself in this moment”? My reaction is the answer to where the work needs to be done. Someone once said that true wisdom lies in action, not reaction and Ive tried to remember that as much as I can.

What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?

My number one challenge is staying grounded and not allowing overwhelm to take over. If I stay consistent with my mindfulness practice, I can usually handle things with more care and ease. I can do things so much better if I take my time and not try to multi task.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.johnmilham.com
• Instagram: johnnybe123
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/johnny.milham.3/
• Other: https://www.facebook.com/johnmilhamyoga/

Image Credits

phots by Catt Sirten, Stephen Anderson, Kandace Monsivais and Chad Edwards of MCE Photography.