Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Hillary Stern. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Hillary, thank you for joining us today and sharing your experiences and acquired wisdom with us. Burnout is a huge topic these days and so we’d love to kick things off by discussing your thoughts on overcoming or avoiding burnout
As a personal and professional caregiver there have been many times that I have found that I have reached my limit physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and have had to take necessary steps to recover and revive myself on all the levels I mentioned. Several times in my life I found myself pushed beyond capacity. In 2001 during the catastrophic event of 9/11 I lived in NY and volunteered as a Disaster Mental Health Responder and helped firefighters, police officers and others deal with the shock, aftermath and grief of many losses. For the next 3 years I helped children all over NYC face that crisis and their personal urban crises through several programs as a crisis counselor. I hardly realized the impact that had on me because I felt driven by a purpose that seems unique and satisfying. Part of what helped me through that was a spiritual practice of meditation and journalling. Also a wonderful therapist who listened while I reflected on the horrors and fears that I carried. Most people like myself are unaware of reaching that limit until physical symptoms bring them down. In our western culture many are raised to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep going”. That means essentially avoiding our emotional, mental and spiritual parts in order to give into the physical demands of life. As caregivers we have a very clear purpose, to help those we are assigned or choose to care for and therefore we have a person or people that demand our attention and skills. In those situations it becomes easy to deny our own needs.
In 2011 or thereabouts, my elderly parents moved to live near me because their health was declining and I wanted to be there for them during this difficult period. Their dementia gradually increased as did their physical ailments. At the same time my husband began a long journey of dealing with Lyme disease and concomitant back pain and surgeries. Then my step daughter across the country began to have mental health issues. Stress crept up on me. I used all my tools, yoga, dancing, community connection, counseling and even antidepressants. All these things helped me get through. But my main tool that I still use to measure and set my internal compass to is my self awareness check in. It’s like a meditation. I check in with the parts of me that are physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. We all have needs on all those levels. I do a body scan, talk to my inner child, notice mindfully what in going on in my mind and follow up on whether I have been inspired lately. Then I ask each part what it needs. I say to my clients all the time, ‘what do you feel and what do you need?”. That is the bottom line. This exersise builds a closer relationship to our inner selves and our intuition. When we trust ourselves to know how we feel and what we need we can better care for ourselves on all levels. For more information on the self care check in go to CaringIlluminated.com.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I’m a Caregiver Support Coach I am here to guide people through every aspect of caregiving. Through my empowerment coaching program, I support people with the sudden responsibilities of care for others and ensuring their physical, emotional mental and spiritual needs are met. I’v e been in their shoes- I know the challenges, the isolation, and the strength it takes to come out stronger. I help people rewrite their story so they can priioritize thier needs without guilt, balancing caring for loved ones while nuturing their own spirit with courage and compassion. No one should be alone on this journey and beyond. My online program “Acts of Love” teaches step by step strategies to help balance your personal needs with the needs of those you care for. I help people organize medical information, access resources, and find emotional support to keep them connected. My website CaringIlluminated.com is the doorway to accessing several services. I provide emergency relief by counseling you as needed one on one during a crisis or overwhelming situations. I also offer ongoing one on one counseling to hold your hand and walk along side you during your caregiver journey. There is also a support group open to anyone who chooses to work with me in any way. And finally, “Acts of Love” my online caregiver support course. I hope you are able to take a peak at this and share it with anyone who may need some extra support while caregiving.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
As a personal and professional caregiver I found that self care on superficial and deeper levels are both necessary to stay balanced. My self care balancing act includes a very important factor, connection to community. I have a group of women in my life who I often gather with for meals, check ins, vacations, and daily walks with our dogs. The empathy, support and laughter I find with them is invaluable to my well being. Another is making plans for something fun, comforting or nurturing in the future reminds my inner child that I care. REST! Taking time for letting myself “blob out”. That’s lying on the couch reading or watching shows, or napping. At least once a week I take time for deep rest. I could go on with healthy eating, exercise and good sleep. I focus on those 3 things as a baseline for all the rest to go well.
Alright, so before we go we want to ask you to take a moment to reflect and share what you think you would do if you somehow knew you only had a decade of life left?
It’s hard to stay focussed and not get distracted with the millions of other people, ideas, and needs of the people in my life and in the world. I often procrastinate and find myself overwhelmed. I have reminded myself that it’s ok to take my time in getting things done and to focus on myself and self care first.
Contact Info:
- Website: CaringIlluminated.com
- Instagram: @Caring_illuminate
- Facebook: Hillary Stern LCSW
- Linkedin: Hillary Stern LCSW
Image Credits
[email protected] Jonathan Jones
