Meet J.J. Duncan

We were lucky to catch up with J.J. Duncan recently and have shared our conversation below.

J.J., thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?

I think my natural resilience comes from my father. He is the kind of guy who just keeps going, even when he’s been knocked down. I’ve always admired it. I remember one time when I was in my twenties, I wanted to take my brand new tandem kayak down the river in my hometown, and I invited my father along. Neither of us really knew how to navigate a kayak in a river, much less a tandem one, but it was not like we were going to hit any serious white water, so we figured it was worth a shot.

Sure enough, about an hour into the day, we hit a patch of small rapids, and when the boat hit a rock, it turned into the water in such a way that we quickly became water-logged. My father and I both quickly and calmly straightened our bodies, and got out of the boat – but I did not want to let go of my new kayak! He and I somehow held on to that (now very heavy) watercraft, as well as to several dry bags, and our paddles!

We struggled downstream, floating and flailing as we attempted to lug all the waterlogged equipment to the rocky shore. Somehow we made it, and we both lay there on our backs, soaking wet, with water-sport gear strewn all around us. We were coughing and looking up at the sky, bewildered at what had just happened. All of a sudden, we both began cracking up! We were laughing so hard we could hardly speak. Finally, my dad got out the sentence, “I’m so damn proud of you. Do you know how many people would have given up? That’s my girl!” I beamed – and I had to admit, I didn’t know many other people who would have held on with me to all that stuff.

The best part was – we dumped the water out of the boat, and got back onto the river to finish our float. It’s a memory I’ll keep with me all my life. When things get hard, it helps to think about how my nature, along with my father’s, is to just hold on.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

As a television producer, I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of people, and travel the world. But my true calling and mission came about after my eleven-year-old son, Mason, died of leukemia in 2020. My wife and I founded a nonprofit organization called “Not Today Cancer,” which raises money for pediatric cancer research. I also have become very active as an advocate for childhood medical laws, traveling to Washington DC a couple of times a year to speak and to meet with representatives.. Part of my work has also been to support grieving families, especially bereaved parents. I am a writer and public speaker, and you’ll often hear me speak about our need to not be afraid to talk about what have been very taboo topics: dying, death, and grief. Death is a great equalizer – we all will die – and yet it is rarely talked about. I aim to change that, and thankfully, as a writer/producer/nonprofit advocate, I have plenty of platform opportunities to do so.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

This is so old-school, but I have often said that the typing class I took in the 10th grade gave me the greatest hard-wired skill of my life. We learned on electric typewriters! So yes, I’m giving away my age – but as a writer, that skill has been invaluable.

The next skill I have treasured is the craft of writing. I love words, and I love stories. Being able to express thoughts, feelings, and experiences is an act of magic that never ceases to move me.

Finally, the skill I can honestly say has become most evident in my life is probably not a skill at all. Rather, I think it may be a gift I was born with, because I am not sure how to teach one to do this thing. It is the skill of being able to help someone feel safe in an otherwise unsafe situation. I do not claim a lot of talents. Most of my success comes not from blessed aptitudes or brilliant ability – it comes from showing up and working my butt off. But the one knack that I seemed to have been born with was this ability to help someone begin to trust themselves. I don’t know why and I don’t know how – and it took me years to see it within myself, but there it is. I treasure it.

My advice to folks who are early in their journey is to do that thing I mentioned above: show up and work your butt off. Also, find a practice of some sort – and devote yourself to it, be it a musical instrument, journaling, yoga, Thai Chi, or logic puzzles. A true practice – meaning the regular repeated of an activity – will become a gift in your life that you never saw coming, and it will contribute to your vocation in ways you cannot imagine, even if it seems to have nothing to do with your “work.” You will learn skills in the doing of it, and your natural talents will rise to the surface.

Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?

Viktor Frankl’s, “Man’s Search for Meaning” was a very big influence on me in twenties and thirties. The idea that even in the worst of circumstances we could find meaning was fascinating to me. I can see now that it set up the basis for how I believe I was able to come through the death of my child and find a way to reach out to be of help to others. Frankl’s “logo therapy” is not about denying negativity, nor is it “toxic positivity,” but it is about reaching towards our highest, best self in the worst of times in order to turn pain into purpose.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @iamjjduncan
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jjduncan3/