Meet Toni Pnw

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Toni Pnw. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Toni below.

Toni, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with us today. We’re excited to dive into your story and your work, but first let’s start with a broader topic that might be stopping many of our readers from pursuing their dreams – haters, nay-sayers, etc. How have you managed to persist despite haters and nay-sayers that inevitably follow folks who are doing something unique, special or off the beaten path?

Our society hates fat people. Anti-fatness is sticky, everything is covered in it and no one seems to care. 

Feelings of anger, hopelessness, and overwhelm are normal, and despite what most of us picture as resilience, its real form is messy and non-linear.  Not everything reflects off of me, and sometimes it ends up in my arms. Every “skinny” branded snack, “oversized” labeled sweater, and diet industry advertisement loudly reinforces that I must keep a hold of the shame society guilts me into carrying. 

Persistence, especially in exhaustion, isn’t always a groundbreaking leap forward. Sometimes it’s about pausing, renewing your energy well, and intentionally connecting with yourself.

My favorite way to support my resilience is digital journaling. During the days that I feel full of bursting energy, I write down the things I’m enjoying doing, what’s inspiring me, poetry, and affirmations. On tough days, when motivation is low and self doubt is high, a digital journal feels more approachable and manageable than a physical book. I can vent my feelings without fear or judgment. It’s freeing to put down all the things I’ve been carrying around and see that I’ve been here before and it doesn’t last forever. Seeing that I’ve withstood these moments and reliably channeled its energy into artwork that honors my lived experiences helps me refocus on what my actual values and self-beliefs are – that I trust myself and admire who I am.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

My name is Toni PNW and I’m a tattoo artist in Washington State. My artwork focuses on celebrating my experiences as a queer, fat, Latina woman.

I was raised in a near constant state of embarrassment. My body, my words, and my thoughts were all treated as something I needed to cleanse each week and pray to be liberated from. Art was my comfort and as I started to create things that represented my feelings, they were steeped in gratitude and self love. It was through art that I called into question the shame I felt constantly. I’d been told being fat, being gay, being adopted, and being a woman were unfortunate circumstances I had to compensate for and suppress. Despite relentless enforcement of judgment, I realized these were aspects of my identity that I didn’t consider negative on my own; it was the propaganda around me.

I describe my art simply as “bold.” Many of us know what it feels like to be told you’re “too big” or “too much” to be deserving of inclusion and self love, but this is a narrative used to keep a power imbalance over us and profit from our shame. Bold is not something to be afraid of. I like to think of bold as the after effect of showing yourself love and care.

I enjoy channeling my energy and creativity into tattoos that honor fat bodies and activism efforts that expose the harm exclusion does to individuals and communities. I keep a collection of free, accessible resources on a site I run called Heavryspace.com. I create guides, templates, prompts, and tools that support and empower other fat people and provide sharable resources for allies and businesses to learn about size inclusion and create spaces that are truly welcoming to all. You can find my tattoo and personal work everywhere @tonipnw and on my website tonipnw.com

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

This question feels so impactful. I grew up in a very conservative, rural community, and the last time I made a list of most important qualities it was full of misogynistic roles I had been trained to feel excited to grow into. Being able to choose for myself what is valuable and important is radical in itself.
 
The three qualities I’d place at the top in this era of my life are openness, vulnerability, and resilience.

Openness to listen, learn, and gain perspectives from others with differing lived experiences aligns with a society that values humanness over power imbalances. Vulnerability is something I’ve worked so deeply on. While it comes easier to me now, my present relationship with vulnerability is incredibly different than how I was raised and my efforts and achievements are worth acknowledging more often.

Resilience is vital. It’s allowed me to learn from my mistakes instead of holding myself to a perfectionist standard and decide how, if at all, I want to engage with negative and hurtful actions from others. It allows me to choose a perspective of understanding and treat myself with the same compassion I’d give a friend. Resilience is built up through all the little moments I spend time being kind and gracious with myself. Getting knocked down means I get to view the progress I’ve made while I get myself back up.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

Overwhelm feels like a blaring warning alarm when you’re already feeling unbalanced, yet it’s so tempting to dismiss that others, and even us ourselves, have been through worse and we just need to get over it and power through. When I recognize I’m saying things to myself I’d never say to a friend bringing me their feelings, I know I need support.

When I feel frustrated, unproductive, self doubting, and generally awful – I know that motivation and creativity are the first things to go and my next steps must be easily accessible and low-energy.

My go-to is digital journaling. I use a simple journal app on my phone I call my “bad energy” journal. Every time I’m burnt out or upset I will dump all my negative thoughts into a journal entry. At the bottom of the page, I’ll write what I’ve tried to get out of this headspace, what hasn’t worked so far, and what I have a craving to try. Sometimes looking back and seeing what worked in previous, similar funks helps me recenter. Sometimes only time can bring me back. But seeing everything out of my body and onto a page is so relieving. Getting the “bad energy” out is vital for letting renewal in.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://tonipnw.com
• Instagram: @tonipnw
• Other: Heavryspace.com

  Tiktok: @tonipnw

Image Credits

@tonipnw