Meet Ashley Miers

We recently connected with Ashley Miers and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Ashley, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

I believe that my confidence and self-esteem are a product of two main sources:

First off, I believe confidence and self-esteem result from accomplishment. This doesn’t have to be anything monumental… Even just keeping small daily commitments to ourselves is extremely powerful. I’ve come to learn that when I make a commitment and keep it, I begin to develop a trusting relationship with myself, and when I consistently do this over time, that translates into confidence. Additionally, the sense of agency I derive from accomplishing things shows me that I am capable. I can be confident when I know I can count on myself to do what I say I will do. Furthermore, this confidence transcends dependence on anything external… It isn’t contingent on others’ approval, it’s contingent on me keeping my word to myself (and I am the one who has control over that). Because of this, my confidence can be independent of others’ approval, and that is powerful because it allows me to persevere regardless of whether the world is reacting positively or negatively toward me. My trusting relationship with myself, and my ability to like and respect myself because I’m acting in alignment with my values, becomes my north star.

Secondly, I’ve found that the more I heal within – the less dissonance there is between who I present myself to be and who I am internally – the easier it is to be confident and cultivate genuine self-esteem as well. When I was younger and much more internally conflicted (and even anguished), it was difficult to be confident, and I think a lot of my confidence was performative and semi-hollow. I acted confident, but inside I felt like an imposter. However, as I’ve come to learn to truly forgive myself and to love myself flaws and all, I no longer feel I “have something to hide”. My best is enough because it’s all I can do, so even when it *isn’t* enough, I’m able to be in forgiveness and acceptance around it. So instead of taking my own shortcomings as evidence that I am lacking, as long as I am doing my best and I know there’s nothing more I can do and the rest is out of my control, the genuine forgiveness and acceptance I have for myself translates to an inner peace that no one and nothing can take away from me. And that inner peace is in itself a deep, quiet confidence. The confidence of knowing at my core that I am okay – lovable, acceptable – no matter what, makes outcomes almost irrelevant. Of course I have my preferences in terms of the way I would like things to work out, but whether things unfold that way or not does not make or break me.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

While I’ve played around in a lot of professional arenas, I would say my first love is and always has been music. I taught myself to play guitar when I was 15 because I was hearing lyrics and melodies in my head and wanted to put them to music. I’ve been professionally recording and releasing my original songs since 2008 when I first moved to Los Angeles, and I’ve had songs placed with ABC Family, played in Abercrombie & Fitch stores, and have been nominated for a Hollywood Music in Media award.

My music has always been introspective and hopeful, meditating on existential themes and themes of recovery and resilience (versus primarily writing love songs or more stereotypically common subject matter). I’ve also always felt strongly inclined toward using my artistry as a platform to direct attention to worthy causes. Because of this, and because of my own struggles with depression, I’ve focused on mental health advocacy and have partnered with organizations like Mental Health America and NAMI in the past.

My current projects include a series of singles I’ve been co-writing with my longtime friend and songwriting partner Elizabeth Russo, and a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute project called “Love Letters” featuring my covers of their iconic hits “Under the Bridge”, “Soul to Squeeze” and “Wet Sand”. I also created a co-host (with Russo) a cooking show called Dancing in the Kitchen, which combines music and food (and neuroscience) to elevate mood and optimize mental health and wellness.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Number one, getting into recovery and learning to think more of others and from others’ perspectives was profoundly transformative for me. Not to say that I was entirely selfish, but I think that trauma – that operating from a survival mentality – can make us more inclined towards being selfish, because we feel that we can’t trust others and must act in the interest of self-preservation. When I learned and came to experientially understand that when I focus on giving, my needs tend to be taken care of without me needing to force or manipulate anything, that was life-changing. I think I became a much more likable person, and I certainly started to like myself more. I suppose it could be summed up as an abundance vs scarcity mindset.

To develop this quality of being thoughtful of others, I would encourage someone to stop and check their motives frequently. Am I doing this because I want to get something? Or am I trying to think of others and give?

Another incredibly impactful aspect of my journey has been learning and implementing healthy coping skills. When I was younger, I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions effectively, and this caused me a lot of trouble. Learning how to channel my emotions in safe and productive ways – in ways that either make things better or at least just keeps things neutral and doesn’t make things worse – has changed everything for me. I used to be my own worst enemy, self-sabotaging frequently. Learning healthy coping skills – like literal skills that I can apply when I’m in challenging moments – has given me a useful way to take action in those moments to minimize suffering and detrimental outcomes.

To develop healthy coping skills, you must study and then actively practice them. It’s helpful to practice coping skills at times when you are not dysregulated or in crisis so that when you ARE, you already have the skill to fall back on like riding a bike. It’s hard to learn and practice something new when you’re struggling, so better to roleplay and practice in advance so you know how to do it when you need it. I actually developed an on-demand “Skills Call Library” as part of my coaching brand, informed by Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Kundalini yoga, so if you need a resource where you can learn skills and practice them – head over to ashleymiershealth.com

Lastly, my dad once told me that life is all about relationships, and I’ve come to find he’s correct. Surrounding myself with positive people who are good rolemodels and influences has been incredibly powerful in my journey. You truly do become the average of the five people you spend the most time with… So choose wisely.

For someone who would like guidance for how to do this – look for people you admire and befriend them. Ask yourself if this person helps you become better or brings out your worst. And most importantly, to have a friend, be a friend. Don’t try to use people as a means to an end. Be someone who contributes value to the lives of others, and then just surround yourself with people who contribute meaningfully as well.

One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?

We’re always looking for collaborative opportunities, whether that looks like brand partnerships or creative ones.

I’ve found that synergy comes out of collaboration – that the whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts. I (and also together with my song-writing partner Elizabeth Russo) am always looking for producers and artists to co-write with. We feature the music we write in our show (Dancing in the Kitchen), and we also release it under “Dancing in the Kitchen featuring” on the streaming platforms so that our any one success directs back to all of us and we can all rise in the ranks together and lift each other up.

I’m also down to partner with like-minded brands and non-profits… Anything from health and wellness, to mental health advocacy, to any other worthy products and causes. I welcome being approached with ideas and am open to conversations!

Contact Info:

Image Credits

Matt Stasi

Suggest a Story: BoldJourney is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems,
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
Productivity
Where do you get your work ethic from?

We’ve all heard the phrase “work hard, play hard,” but where does our work ethic

Productivity
Tactics & Strategies for Keeping Your Creativity Strong

With the rapid improvements in AI, it’s more important than ever to keep your creativity

Productivity
From Burnout to Balance: The Role of Self-Care

Burning out is one of the primary risks you face as you work towards your