We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kaila Starks a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Kaila , thanks for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re very focused on here – improving our ability to make decisions. Everyday, we’re faced with decisions that can impact the future of our careers, businesses, relationships and more and so one of the most impactful areas for personal development, in our view, is decision-making. Can you talk to us about how you developed or improved your decision-making skills?
Though it’s something I’ve made great strides in, decision making is still a struggle for me. I’ve always been slow to decide. My mom often tells me the story of when I was learning to walk for the first time. I began walking at the typical age, but I did so while holding onto whatever was in my path. It was months before I decided I was safe enough or strong enough or capable enough to walk on my own. At my core I haven’t changed much. Doubt and fear can set in pretty quick, even when I know what the best decision is for myself. When I had to make a decision, even if I knew what I wanted to do, I would ask for someone’s , sometimes multiple people’s opinion. And when their response didn’t align with what I wanted to do, I would get upset. I had a realization at age 23 that I didn’t trust myself to make decisions for myself. I didn’t need people’s input, I needed self trust. I stopped asking people what they thought about this or that, I just did what I thought was best. It’s challenging to be someone who needs a lot of time to weigh my options and the potential outcomes. Society wants us to be quick paced and that can create a lot of anxiety and panic. But I rebuke that for myself. The uncertainty of what the future holds or the fear of making the wrong decision is enough to keep you stuck. As scary as it can be, the only way to develop these skills is to make more decisions. I still have a lot of work to do in this lifetime. I’ll never be perfect, I can’t predict the future, but I do trust my intuition. I trust myself to know what is best for me and my future.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
At the beginning of 2022, I decided I wanted to explore different creative avenues. I committed to wire jewelry making. Jewelry making is something I’ve explored sparingly throughout my childhood and adolescence, but not wire wrapping. I started making rings for myself. They were very rough haha. I have perfectionist tendencies and can be quick to put a new craft down when I’m not amazing at it. I didn’t want to do that this time. I pushed through the discomfort of making scratched, bent up rings because I knew I could make some really amazing things if I stuck with it. I played around with rings and earrings and then started incorporating beads and shells. After a couple months I had friends asking me for custom pieces. And in the summer of 2022 I was invited to be a vendor for the first time at an art show. I had a lot of imposter syndrome and doubts about that. I hadn’t been creating that long and I only had rings and earrings to offer. After some consideration, I agreed and I ended up selling out and making so many custom rings on the spot! That was the confidence booster I needed to start Aligned Designs.
Aligned Designs is my jewelry brand. Every piece is a one of a kind design. I create intuitively, so every piece is as unique as the individual wearing it. My inspiration comes from nature, the cosmos, fashion, different cultures, organic shapes and even artistic visions. Currently, Aligned Designs is under construction as I hope to expand this year. You can find me on Instagram @aligned.designs111. Be on the lookout for product drops, pop up dates and more!
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Discernment (intuition), authenticity and patience have been the most impactful tools on my journey. All of these truly go hand-in-hand. Authenticity stimulates my creativity by allowing me to be my whole self. It has lead me to new opportunities, new people, new ideas. Not every opportunity, idea or new person that appears is in alignment with what I’m trying to accomplish and who I’m working to become. This is where discernment has helped me. It doesn’t have to make sense or be logical, but it does have to feel right. Unfortunately, the right decision rarely yields immediate results. Patience isn’t my strongest attribute, but I get better everyday and it has kept me on my path. Without it, I would’ve missed out on so many growth opportunities.
These three attributes are skills that can be developed over time with introspection and curiosity. Take time to sit with yourself without distractions and the influence of other people. Truly commit to learning yourself and learning to remain grounded in the face of uncomfortable truths.
All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?
The biggest challenge I’m currently facing is overcoming perfectionism. I’ve been working to understand how perfectionism shows up in my work and creative process. I’m realizing that my procrastination habits come from perfectionist thinking. It sounds backwards, but this has created a fear of success. I fear that I won’t be able to maintain any success I create, that I’ll mess it all up. The only way for me to overcome this, is to do it scared. I’m reminding myself that having fear doesn’t mean I’m not capable. There will always be fears and doubts but they don’t have to control me. They’re just thoughts, not facts. Right now, I’m just working on showing up. I’ll figure the rest out later.
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