Meet Ashley Havelka

 

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Ashley Havelka a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Ashley, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?

If you had met me 8 years ago, I’d be deep in an emotionally, verbally, sexually, and physically abusive relationship. I was void of any self-esteem and confidence. I had no sense of self-worth, or hope. I thought my life was set in stone, that I had to marry this man who just slithered into my life, suddenly became my boyfriend, started living in my apartment, using my car, and generally took advantage of every aspect of my life. At the time, I was 22 and got my first job at a major motion picture studio, trying to prove my worth, all while being abused at home (and truthfully being abused at work as well). It wasn’t until July 2018, when I finally was able to break free, telling my abuser what he did to me was wrong.

Being overweight and dealing with body image issues, has been my number one issue my whole life. Like many others, I was bullied in elementary school for having a larger-than-average body. I often talk to my therapist about how at the age of about 7 or 8 I can recall thinking, if only I could cut my belly off, then maybe, just maybe, I could be seen as beautiful. My abuser knew exactly who I was, picking me, knowing my struggles with weight and my self-worth. So after leaving him, I was now left alone at around 340 pounds, not even sure what steps to take next for myself.

I dove head-first into working out and eating better than I had my whole life. I lost 150 pounds naturally in about a year and a half and kept charging ahead. I also added therapy into my routine, to learn about my self-worth and confidence. After a year or so into therapy, I felt like a force that no one could break, though there were the occasional emails from my abuser that would send me back into a dark headspace. With therapy, and a lot of self-love, I’ve learned that you are defined by how you handle the peaks and the valleys in your life.

After losing all the weight and struggling with loving my body for my whole life, I looked into skin removal surgery. It was a year or so into the COVID-19 pandemic, and because I was working my corporate job from home, it was the perfect time to do it. It opened a new door for me to love myself, one that I didn’t think was possible. Early on during the pandemic, while losing weight, I also decided to shave my head and start fresh yet again. Challenging myself to do more and trying things I never thought I would do, helped me to grow.

During the pandemic, I also started to hone in on my love for makeup, fashion, and modeling. I created makeup instagram posts and videos. I made videos for YouTube about self-love, overcoming my abuse, losing 150 pounds naturally, and makeup. I wanted to share my newfound self-love, in hopes of helping others to love themselves just a little more. To date, I know of a handful of people that I have helped leave their abusers, thus making every step of my journey more than worth it.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

Now that I am deep into my era of self-love and confidence, I love to post my makeup looks and modeling adventures. As a plus-size woman, I still have my days where I struggle with my body, but it’s at a different level than how I struggled growing up. I will push more this year with my makeup looks and modeling, so I’m excited to see where that journey will take me!

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

The number one thing that I tell people when they ask about what has helped me, is that therapy works. In addition to therapy, you also need to actively work on doing better and being better for yourself. Therapy should not be a passive activity if you want to see results. Another skill that I work on daily is not being so hard on myself. We are our worst critics, so if you can learn to go easy on yourself during difficult moments, you will bounce back quicker than ever. Lastly, I would say finding the thing in life that brings you pure joy. I’ve got two areas that I adore, one is makeup and the other is music. I love creating a whole piece of art on my face and seeing others be inspired to maybe try a brighter color on their lips or add some sparkle on their eyelids. To enrich my music side, I am part of a community choir that lifts my spirits every single week.

All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?

My top challenge currently is finding balance across all areas of my life. I have a full-time corporate job, but I need to make sure I always find time to spend with loved ones, cooking healthy meals, working out, creating makeup looks, doing therapy, going to choir and so many other things that help to fulfill me as a person. Keeping that balance is best when I stick to a routine. Luckily I’m in a place of being able to do that with my workouts, therapy, choir, and even my fun makeup looks. I do my best to keep moving forward overall, even if I have to take a few steps back along the way. So keep your head held high and stand strong in your confidence, and you will never be undervalued as long as you know your true worth.

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