Meet Erik Alexander

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Erik Alexander. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Erik below.

Erik, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.

That’s a deep one. I suppose my purpose has transitioned throughout the chapters of my life. Earlier in life, my purpose was to break away from the back woods mentality of South Mississippi. I knew I was trapped in what felt like decades past. Where crossing your legs differently was suspect and gave way to being called a “sissy” or “queer”. I needed to find somewhere I belonged. Where I could transport into a new world. A place actually, that I saw on MTV.
Real World: New Orleans. I saw A world of steamy, all embracing Bourbon Street from my tv screen in South Mississippi and I knew THAT was my place. And My purpose was to take my stand here and call New Orleans my new home.

And I did.

As time went on and Katrina… happened, the night life really wore me down. For years I always said, “my occupation was “maker of the nigh-life.” And it was true. Everything I learned from 2001-2006 was incredibly liberating to say the least. But it was also riddled with mistakes and lessons that really helped me learn. To grow. To be humbled. I worked at Oz on Bourbon first as a daiquiri bartender. I started Halloween in 2001. I finally got into the hottest gay club in town. I developed a dear friendship with the owner, Tommy. He was from my hometown, actually. After making him laugh, I was moved to the door to greet guests as they came in. Stars from Hollywood and queens alike would waltz in and dazzle everybody. During the early 2000’s, the scene was amazing. Everyone was dressed to the nines and the spirits were high.
I think that the rise of Bianca Del Rio really helped our little gay community in the French Quarter. (Bianca is a hugely famous drag queen.) She and I worked together a couple of times where I was put into drag, and even given a drag name- but I am sure Roy- (Bianca) would hate me if I told it.
With that said, I digress. Years went by and I did what I came to New Orleans *at that point* to do. Up until this point, I was in New Orleans after my little brother had died, my Uptown house I was staying in burnt down, with all of my shit in it btw. Then Katrina came and fucked everything up. EVERYTHING.
I went to Memphis to stay with my bf at the time- shout out to BRANDIN, who plays the freaking keyboard for Wheatus now. Kudos bitch!!! His family too me in. They embraced me as their own. Everywhere I went in Memphis people hugged me. I was a refugee. And can I just say, that in of it self is weird af to say to people? After I was given my FEMA money I haul tailed to the next place I wanted to go. Laguna Beach. At this time there were shows on tv about the West Coast and I wanted to try it out! I packed up what little I had and hauled ass to L.A, I actually made a friend whose brother hosts a very famous tv game show and he took me to EVERYTHING. My country bumpkin ass was flipped over. From private screenings to after parties….VEGAS. It was lit.
I spent Christmas eve alone off Sunset Blvd. at a music manager’s house. Who also is a Memphian. Shout out. Seeing the platnum records on his walls and the star studded vibe of everything really was amazing. I sat on the stoop and looked out at the Comedy Factory and cried. Why did I come here? To. be alone? It was hard. So fucking hard.
I ended up not really finding my place there. Things fell through and my FEMA ran out. ha! So, I came home.

I remember this so clearly. It was day time. I was at the bar. The drag queens were there working on their rehearsal for the upcoming show. Sitting at the bar sat “Aunt Vickie”. Ya see. She was real loud. Like, LOUD LOUD. I loved her so so much. Her husband is the dj at Oz. Whom I also just love to pieces.
I was sad. And when Im sad, or mad it is quite noticeable. My MO is smiling and laughing most of the time. Well she said, “Maxxie”. (my altor ego name is Maxx). “Why are you so sad?” I told her I didn’t want to be alone anymore. She looked at me and winked. “I can help with that. Just cut a piece of your hair off.” Ok. At this time my hair was like whispy haired Bon Jovi. With blond highlights. I wrinkled my face and was like….why? She told me that she was going home and cast a spell. I again, wrinkled my face, this time even more. She said it was just ” a little Voodoo”. And winked at me again.
She wrapped my highlights up in a bar napkin and put it in her purse. She grabbed both of my hands looked at me so deeply into my eyes. She pulled me close to her and said, “If you live right, and you do the right thing, you will find your love very soon. She shook my hands and said. “Listen to me, now.” “LIVE RIGHT, MAXXIE.”
Within two weeks. TWO WEEKS. I walked into the back office to grab paper for my clip board and there he was. In a second, I can be brought back right in that smokey room. The smell of cigarettes and the thumping of the walls from the dance music. He was just sitting there. Filling out new hire paper work. In that very moment it was like time stopped. And all of the air in the room was sucked out. He looked up at me, and me at him and all I could feel was my heartbeat. The dance beat left along with everything else. Except…him. Our eyes locked for what felt like 2 years. And just like that- love. at. first. sight.
It is real. Everything. And you know what? I didn’t live right like Aunt Vickie told me.
I drove around with weed in my car which led to THREE arrests. AND JAIL time. It was absurdly ridiculous. All three times over pot and all within 3 weeks time. I know. This sounds hard to believe. But this is my story. Ask my husband.

I knew at that point that it was time to elevate. Not only myself but my lifestyle and all. I found the love of my life! And a month led to a year and that led to here! We will be celebrating our 20’th anniversary next year. Living through the night life and learning so much about myself and what I did and didn’t want in my life was so important. Self exploration without any boundaries. LIVE LIFE. I did that. And just like that, the chapter turned.
Everything was about bettering Douglas and I’s life. From college to helping running a super successful restaurant in the French Quarter for a decade. We both changed so much. We just meshed. He rescued me. After my brother died in 2002, I was not right. It was so hard. Douglas was a hand to pull me out of whatever swamp I was in.

My purpose changed from establishing a new name for myself to making this boy be with me for the rest of my life. No kinky shit like some do. One and one. Together. Forever. ME and HIM. My spirit told me that one day we would be able to “officially be together.” I wanted to marry his ass, yall! I wanted all the benefits everyone else can get. I wanted to know that if he were in a motorcycle accident (at the time he drove a big one) I would be able to see him. Down here in the South at this time, if that were to happen, ONLY family would be able to see him, That is fucked up and worried about that every second. Death has a funny way of stalking you.
On June 15 2015 we made our way to Benson Tower to get our marriage license. It was so new to the system, a lady almost refused to change my last name until she was corrected and someone else handled my case.
We were finally wed inside of Jackson Square in the French Quarter. Along side our family and friends we were the very first gay couple to be wed there. After the ceremony, we had a Second Line parade all the way down Chartres Street to our reception. It was absolutely magical. I cannot even describe of the validation. The joy. The freedom. AND Lord Jesus the heat! August 1 was a some scorching 100 plus temps but that did not matter once second. We had a brass band leading the way and everyone was dancing. It was absolutely perfect.

2015 was actually a huge year for Douglas and I. Earlier that year we also purchased our very first home together. That too, felt like a dream. We chose a place just outside the city. We thought of a spot that would. be safer if we were to raise a family one day. Something shifted. It was like, we needed more. I don’t know how to describe it. We later found out that it was growing our family. Just letting those words flow out of our mouths was so scary! Really!? WTF! Where did this come from? How? But all of a sudden, all of that silenced. Like the volume had been turned down.
We were told that a gay couple’s experience in adopting could be anywhere from five to seven years to wait. At that point we were already in our thirties. We quickly new that if we were gonna get on this train, it was leaving the station. And so, we hopped on! This whole story is another chapter in of itself but our half a decade wait shrank to three and a half weeks!
Yes. As you can imagine, we were befuddled and bursting with joy. But with that also came the anxiety and fear and worry and ALL of the things. That particular process was heartbreaking. Our adoption failed and we were devastated. It felt like I lost a member of my family? But how? It had only been three and half weeks? Well, like roots from a flower. They just happen. And just like that the night slowly fades into dawn after a dewy night. It reflects off a water droplet. That could represent a tear or two. After 4 days our phone rang. A wild turn of events led to us INDEED adopting our first daughter. On 2 of my most favorite numbers of all time. 11-3.
Then in those life changing moments I knew. My new purpose was my family. My husband. This new life.

Over the next few years, Douglas soared through medical school winning all kinds of awards. He is my brilliant baby. A quick. year and a half later, we were ready to get back into the baby ring. This situation was so different from the prior. And that is a completely different story. I will digress and say we were and are to have our second precious baby girl that has a whole new set of skills that I have learned. Life is full things that we learn to use for later. Who knew I could actually style African American hair?? And make it POP yall! She is so talented and full of life. THE queen B with an imagination unmatched.

Our baby boy was born right in the middle of Covid. Everything was shut down and only one person was allowed at the hospital. No family could come to help. I was isolated at home with 2 kids and new born while Douglas was saving lives at the hospital during pandemic. Having a new born with 2 kids is hard. Adding to the world shutting down AND my husband being gone in hazmat suits really freaked me out. Thankfully and by the grace of God everything worked out for us.

And that is where we are. We are grateful and cognizant of that most miraculous things that have happened in our lives.
To me, when we accept that. When we REALLY slow down and replay the past and are grateful. Grateful for the people, places and things that have shaped you to be here today. In whatever state we are in. As long as you can be thankful and appreciative – THAT is when the magic happens.

I knew all of that wild shit was meant for something more. It couldn’t just end with us! Are you fucking kidding me? EVERYONE needs to have hope. And I felt like we could give it. So, in 2018 I created nolapapa.com. I started writing my blog that grew into children’s books that grew into this podcast. I have gotten messages I get from around the world that stop me in my tracks. Bring goosebumps to my body and tears in my eyes. These sweet ones need hope. And they can find it here.

I suppose my purpose today is to also spread the positivity and enlightenment of our core mission at NolaPapa.
We want others to feel inspired. Confident and loved. I want our audience to feel included and safe. That is my purpose for NolaPapa.

I am a giving, loving and devoted father. I adore my husband. My family is everything. And this is my purpose.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

Today is so different for me at 43. If you would have told me 20 years ago in that bar on Bourbon Street feeling as low as I was. Or rewind it to being bullied my entire life and then losing my brother. The immense amount of sadness cannot describe how I felt.

I reclaimed my power. I prayed more. And today, I pray often. I mediate and I reflect. Today, I let go of the bullshit. For years that was so hard! I found that anger and resentment really got in the way and if I let go of it I was so much more productive.
I needed to channel what not only what I was feeling, but also experiencing.

Everywhere Douglas and I would go with our kids, it was like we were unicorns. We were unicorns. Minus the horse and horn part. People stared. Well, I took it as staring. Douglas, being the psych. doc he is posed a different outlook. He proposed, “What if they weren’t staring at all. What if they were watching? What if this was the VERY FIRST time in this southern grocery store that they have seen two men with kids?

That was powerful stuff. And so I wrote about it. And it went fucking viral! Like globally viral. How about that? I was writing from my heart about REALLY feeling insecure and it resonated with someone out there! It made me feel that someone was listening. And in that situation of learning a stare, glare or just a person innocently watching helped me grow. And eagerness to grow my blog into something to be proud of.

Today, my heart bursts with pride over our platform. I know our country is divided. Our mission is to help inform, include, and accept everyone. Our family has the right to exist. Our message is simple: to help others find hope.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Being a good listener.
Be consistent.
Stay motivated.

When you truly listen, you are able to learn. You’re able to remember and recall. Then you are able to build.

When your goal that is met, you push forward. What seems like a hamster on a wheel becomes a cylinder in an engine.

When you feel drained or empty, take a break. Buy something for yourself. Treat yourself and watch nature happen.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

For me anxiety is a doozy. As I grew older, I would revisit things that had happened earlier. Whether it was earlier that day, week, month or even years. It was called “looping.” And I would especially do it if someone hurt my feelings. Being a unicorn, it definitely would happen. Or arguments, falling outs, etc. I would always circle back. And chew. Chew on and overanalyze.

I am not endorsing this for any reader, but for me Lexipro helped me in that department. It let me focus on NOW. And tomorrow without looping into the past. Be present. Live present.
I got comfortable and starting working out. Releasing any frustrations really REALLY helped. On my way to the gym, I religiously took my bike and had an awesome ride to and from while listening to “Forest Gump” on pandora. I still listen to that station to this day. In those moments I would put together my blogs in my head. At the gym I would write everything while on the elliptical machine. I channeled all of my thoughts into words at the gym. From the blogs to the children’s books. I feel the endorphins released really help to explode your creativity. Sweating while typing out my thoughts was incredibly therapeutic.

I focus on what makes me smile. I love to cook. Especially for my family of 5. I love to see their satisfaction. But before them, I’d cook for Douglas and I. And before Douglas, I’d cook for ME. Be happy with YOU. Learn to cook for yourself. Learn to garden for yourself. Find flowers that make you smile when they grow. I have an Orchid named “Linda” that has had blooms for years.
Sometimes, Go out to eat. Enjoy food that you love without having to cook it.
Live clean and tidy. Make your bed after you brush your teeth and get ready. Do not leave one wrinkle. Make it like someone was about to take a picture of it. From the kitchen to the laundry and your car to the bathroom. When you live cleanly, it strengthens your vibration.
Sleep well. Turn your phone on silent and DO NOT look at it again until the morning. Use a fan to create a humming sound. Use a sound machine to help drowned out any outside noises. Express your gratitude for the day before you fall asleep.
Wake up and CLAIM your damn day! Smile and laugh. Try to make others laugh. It really is so much fun. I highly recommended it.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.nolapapa.com
• Instagram: @nolapapa
• Facebook: @nolapapa
• Linkedin: NolaPapa
• Youtube: nolapapapodcast

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