We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Keneshia Flemmings. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Keneshia below.
Hi Keneshia, thank you so much for joining us and opening up about the very personal topic of divorce. So many in the community are going through or have gone through divorce and we think hearing about how others dealt with the aftermath and managed to build a vibrant, successful life and career despite the trauma of divorce can be helpful to many who might be feeling a degree of hopelessness. So, maybe you can talk to us about how you overcame divorce?
In reflecting on the turbulence and the upheaval I faced during my separation in my marriage and ultimately the divorce, I learned that if we make someone else the center of our lives, when things fall apart so will we. I made my ex-husband, the pursuit of building a beautiful home and a family my center and the bottom fell out. That unfortunate choice left me broken, alone, and struggling to take care of my young toddler. But my resilient core would not allow me to give up even on the days when I questioned myself, my reason for living, my current state and my future. I have a strong legacy of fighters in my family, who have demonstrated that when faced with hard things you have a choice, I believe I learned from those people. You can either allow your pain to propel you or paralyze you. I chose to use my pain to propel me into my divine purpose. Pain can cause us, all of us, to make decisions we would like to put off, deal with issues we would rather not face, and make changes that make us feel uncomfortable.
Ten years ago I migrated from the Caribbean to join my spouse and build a life with him. I left behind my entire world, family and way of life. I wholeheartedly devoted myself to being the best wife and home maker, but that was short-lived as I was rejected by my new spouse.
After demonstrating that a family was not priority for him and securing a future for us was not on his agenda. I decided to go to graduate school while working in a friend’s restaurant making a few hundred dollars per week. My estranged spouse who refused to watch our child or provide any financial support, caused me at times to take my child to work with me, miss classes, ask random acquaintances to watch him or be forced to take him to class with me because I couldn’t afford daycare. I was deep in depression. It felt like I was in a dark hole. I was always heavy as if something was physically holding me down every day. The stress would overcome me some days and sometimes the way I interact with my child often bears little resemblance to the way I felt about them. I was deep in pain and shame and the thoughts would bombard my mind, and I would isolate myself. During the period of losing my marriage I had to endure the pain of losing my father, then later my mother, they both passed away and my friends walked away from me. I endured the pain of staying at other people’s homes because I couldn’t afford a place of my own. I was grieving, broken, bitter, angry and wanted nothing to do with my estranged spouse. I didn’t laugh or smile anymore. I lost my joy. I felt like I had no purpose and that my son would be better off without me at times. Meanwhile, I wore myself out working three part time jobs, going to graduate school, but kept on pushing through trying my best to take care of me and my child.
I started going to therapy to help relieve the thoughts that would attack me on a daily basis. I journaled, prayed and made it my number one goal to provide for my child. My Faith saved my life. I also changed my diet and got on a exercised plan, to get in shape mentally and physically. I intentionally prioritized spending time with my child playing and having fun. I wanted him to have normal childhood as much as possible. I graduated top of my class with my Master of Education degree. I got myself out of debt, bought a brand new house and car and applied for my Citizenship which allowed to obtain a Federal job. I provided for my son financially without support from my ex-husband. I turned to God for healing, forgiveness, and guidance, which allowed me to heal from bitterness and rejection. Pain can stop us dead in our tracks, if we allow it, or it can cause us, all of us, to make decisions we would like to put off, deal with issues we would rather not face, and make changes that make us feel uncomfortable. I had a choice. I could look at your bad life experiences and be set back from them, or learn from them. I chose to learn from them. I chose to find that abundant life and life it to the full.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I gained a wealth of experience as a 20-year educator, a trained counselor with a certification in Mental Health First Aid, a member of the John Maxwell Certified Team, former Guidance Counselor, and former Family Based Safety Services Advanced Specialist with the State Agency, who worked with students from Preschool to High School.
Inspired by the life of my late father, I founded Verick’s Daughters of Destiny Academy my coaching and speaking business in 2023. What I feel is most exciting or special about it is, I help women who’s been through a tough divorce and still need to show up for your kids. I’ll support them in finding peace, living without bitterness, and walking into your God-given purpose for their lives. The coaching and workshops are specifically designed for parents who want to create a strong, supportive relationship with their kids while handling the unique challenges of co-parenting. Whether they need guidance on communication, setting boundaries, or navigating the emotional complexities of raising them in a split family. I provide practical tools and compassionate support to help them thrive as a co-parent and guide your child through this pivotal time.
I coach, speak and teach courses to those parents who want to heal from loss and rejection, and to raise responsible, self-disciplined children to have a destiny where you are stronger, happier and more confident. I take the women through a 3 step program to helps them rebuild key areas of their lives.
I am relaunching my podcast to support these women and build a safe and supportive community. I also offer a free eBook to those who are looking to build healthy attachment with their young children. I will be offering courses to women that want to develop healthy parent child attachments and parenting children with ADHD.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Looking back I think being determined, resilient and flexible allow me to keep pushing forward when things became unbearable. My love of learning and my curiosity helped me pursue new avenues and faced new situation that required big risks. My journey is overcoming the obstacles that I face with great resilience. I use those as fuel for my life and to help others overcome those same obstacles and make it to the other side as well. I hope to leave a legacy for my children and to carry on my parents mission and name. I use my experiences as fuel for my life and to help others overcome those same obstacles and make it to the other side as well. I will leave a legacy for my children and to carry on my parents mission and name. My son will be inspired by my life and to see that he can overcome hard things and he can bounce back and make a come back. I am admired for my integrity, my determination, my commitment and resilience. I am being a student of
my business and investing time and energy to get clients.
I would advise women who are early in their journey of being separated or divorced to find a support system, a community that can provide encouragement. Find people who have earned the right to hear your story and be a positive support system and share with them areas where you need help or you are struggling. Ensure that you are able to talk things through with someone if a support system is not in place. I would also advice that they pay special attention to their emotional, physically and mental wellbeing. Move your body, exercise, eat healthy, journal, mediate, ensure you are getting enough sleep. It is imperative that you do not neglect yourself while going through this difficult period. Finally, show yourself self-compassion treat yourself as you would a loving friend, allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
Honestly, without sounding cliche’ or simplistic I could not have make it this far without my faith in God. He has strengthened me in moments when it felt as if I had nothing left to give or the weight of circumstances were too heavy. I used prayer as a daily tool to help me face the challenges and the difficulties that would arise. The Word gave me reassurance that hard times would not last always and that there was a season for everything. There was always a still small voice inside of me that said there is more to life than what I am currently experiencing and it is possible to overcome loss, pain, grief and disappointment. I gained hope and comfort through worship songs that spoke life when things seemed dead in my circumstances. my faith allowed me to patiently endure the dark season and rejoiced when they light came. It was through my faith that I was able to forgive my ex and heal without being bitter towards him or generalized relationships.
My sister has also played an integral part in offering encouragement, support and assistance in every possible way she could. She has been a constant cheerleader for me. My son has been the greatest gift that I could ever receive, we have experienced a lot together. He is a demonstration of God’s perfect love for me. I admire my son’s grit, his love for live and his unconditional love for people which is an inspiration to me. He has taught me how to live live to the full, enjoy the small moments in life and braving the wilderness. He is currently neck and neck with my sister for first place as my biggest cheerleader.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://vericksdaughtersofdestinyacademy.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vericksdaughtersofdestiny/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keneshia-flemmings
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@vericksdaughtersofdestinyacad
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