We were lucky to catch up with Susie Lauri recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Susie, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
My resilience comes from the love of learning and my determination to overcome childhood trauma. I went to College to make up for the education I missed in my childhood.
In college, I advocated for myself. I researched and learned how to study. Since I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), I asked my professors if I could record their classes, allowing me to listen for a second time incase my mind drifted or I had trouble concentrating.
Also, I received permission from a college counselor to take math tests in a private room with no distractions, as noises, such as someone tapping their pencil on the table, was stressful for me, and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. I was also given extra time.
Once during my English class, I was so exhausted from PTSD, I started to fall asleep during a test. I asked if I could go for a quick jog outside and come back so I could wake up. My instructor said, “Yes.” At other times, I did jumping jacks next to my desk so I wouldn’t fall asleep. I didn’t care what others thought. I was on a mission to become educated.
I loved College. It was a very healing environment to be in for me because I was supported and treated with respect.
To make sure I had excellent professors, I kept a record of who’s who and would only enroll in their classes. Sometimes I had to wing it with a teacher I didn’t know about. I got along great with the professors who loved teaching—even math and statistics.
Getting A’s was a priority for me so I would took advantage of the instructor’s office hours to ask how I could improve. I also took advantage of tutoring labs. It was a great support system I created for myself.
My efforts paid off as I earned a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and graduated Magna Cum Laude. This meant a lot to me because I had such a difficult time in school growing up. Due to the traumas I had suffered, I was falling behind in the 1st grade at a Catholic school, and the teacher, a Catholic nun, wanted to fail me and repeat 1st grade. My mom, however, enrolled me in public school instead so I wouldn’t be held back. And while in high school during one semester, I failed all my classes and was malnourished. At the time, my parents worried that I would commit suicide, so they transferred me to another school for a semester and removed my bedroom door. Unfortunately, they didn’t get any professional help for me.
Since then, self improvement has become a priority for me in addition to reading many books on healing trauma. I love exploring a variety of self improvement courses and materials, along with therapy and support groups.
About six years ago, I did a high-intensity ropes course out in nature with a group of people. I challenged myself to climb a 40-foot high pole. Each step I took, I did in honor of my inner child to reclaim my childhood and what was taken from me. When I got to the top of the pole, I had to stand on a small, round wooden disk that wasn’t very stable. So I had to balance myself so I could stand tall and stretch out my hands. I felt like I was on top of the world. It sounds naive but at the time, I wanted to believe it would heal my trauma.
The next year, I went on a women’s leadership seminar out in nature. One day for 24 hours, I had to camp by myself while fasting. I put up a tent, (no snacks because of bears), no watches (for telling time), no restrooms, no cell or radio. It was so beautiful and quiet. I enjoyed my time by myself and in nature. I felt powerful to have this experience.
Later the next year, I went to a Tony Robbins event, Unleash The Power WithIn. His events start early each day and went past midnight. His energy level is amazing. I even did the fire walk. It was quite an experience! Disco Inferno was playing loud and at times images of flames of fire on the video screen. Tony said, “The fire walk wasn’t for drama queens or prima donnas, and not to do it if you are!” We were all pumped up and went outside. I saw the coals—red hot and glowing! And then it was my turn—I went right across the fire coals. I felt in shock, did I really just do that? I actually did and I didn’t get burned. I felt powerful! Unfortunately after all this, my trauma was still with me.
At times, I have felt like a Navy Seal healing childhood trauma. Always adapting and adjusting. Healing childhood sexual trauma is the most ugly, beyond words terrifying, and heartbreaking experience of my life.
Over the years, I have hired different professionals including; therapist, Terry Rifkin, psychologist, Dr. Laird Bridgman, and trauma coach, Dr. Camea Peca. I’ve also taken many courses at the Arizona Trauma Institute.
I also have taken courses and group coaching with mental health clinician, Linda Thai. Recently, I have been participating in the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) program. It was created by Stephen Porges. SSP exercises the little muscle in our inner ear which stimulates the vagas nerve which soothes the nervous system. This is good for people who have a trauma history, anxiety, depression, autism and auditory sensitivity.
Linda Tai (and her assistant, Abby Wyers) led our small group of seven, and provided a wonderful and unforgettable experience for all of us. SSP has been a real game changer for me in that I don’t have to work so hard at relaxing my nervous system for everyday living, including stress and/or triggers. Linda says, “we want to stretch the nervous system, not stress it.”
I keep thanking God for SSP.
“Hopefulness lies in knowing that while early experiences shape the nervous system, ongoing experiences can reshape it.”
— Deb Dana
Dr. Frank Anderson states, “Practice being with uncertainty and difficult emotions. Feelings are really hard for everybody. Most of us spend most of our lives pushing our feelings away and suppressing them, I believe being with challenging difficult feelings is like going to the gym. You want to practice it and take advantage of every moment and try to tolerate your affect muscles. Your feeling muscle—the more you practice it the better you get at being with difficult and overwhelming feelings” (Five Tips to Resilience, Youtube 12/17/21).
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
My story (the short version).
As a child growing up in an alcoholic home, I was given the role of the black sheep and scapegoat.
In my mid-thirties, my husband and I had a fabulous trip to Europe (work-related). We saw beautiful works of art, landscapes, architecture, and fashion. After our wonderful trip, the traumas from my childhood came pouring out of me and I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
My world turned upside down with flashbacks of being severely abused as a child. The sexual abuse started when I was about three years old. Home, school and Catholic church were not safe for me as these were the places I was assaulted as a child.
When I spoke up later in life, I was outcasted and discarded for telling the truth about what had happened to me as a child. I wasn’t believed. (It took my siblings eighteen years to believe the truth and I was still outcasted.)
In my late thirties, I was sexually harassed by a counseling pastor at a mega church (where my husband and I were going for marital counseling). When I told the Christian therapist I was seeing at the time, she told me not to say anything because I would hurt his ministry.
As I was healing from trauma, I had a calling to help others who were treated like me; estranged from my family and their cover ups, and/or discarded by church leaders covering up for their criminal acts and sexual harassment —treating me as the problem and trying to silence me.
I know what it feels like to have travelled the road of betrayals, being treated inhumane, suffering with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD), being thrown under the bus—to “protect the abusers at all costs.” I also know what it’s like integrating traumas. Moreover, I know the liberation from being in bondage to the intense aftereffects of trauma caused by predators and their enablers.
My purpose and justice is in helping trauma survivors be set free. To help them manage the aftereffects from trauma that altered their lives—to living a beautiful life.
My calling is to help those who suffer and to stand with them as an advocate. As a Trauma and Resilience Life Coach, I help my clients become more resourced so that their trauma history isn’t running their life.
I welcome all my clients’ emotions. I partner with them as they heal and break free from old programming that has been causing havoc in their lives. Their truth is heard while others in their life tried to silence them and not believe them.
Many of the challenges my clients experience include issues with trust, difficulty letting love in, not understanding how triggers affect their neurobiology, betrayal, incest sexual abuse, clergy sexual abuse, sexual harassment and spiritual abuse in the church (while being shunned by the leaders who cover it up).
Many of them, including myself, have experienced how enablers protected the predators and pedophiles. As a result, these offenders did not have consequences to their vile actions, but made us the problem. Gabor Mate states, “Abusers can always tell who is without protection.”
Since many of my clients were groomed as children to be used and discarded, they shut down their own needs (self existence) to survive, not allowed to get angry or show emotion.
What’s New.
I’m currently writing a book about my triumph over adversity—a transformational journey. I realized image, deceit and lies are the “coat of arms” in dysfunctional systems (family, church and other institutions). Telling the truth and speaking up about abuse are not welcomed. As I can attest to the ugly backlash I’ve experienced—and overcame—in my family of origin, Catholic priests and pastors of a mega church. I share my story, resources and wisdom I’ve gained along the way.
Throughout my journey, I also share about the visions God gave me. And how I felt His love and His presence, and how He held me during my most desperate times. He guided me. I couldn’t have done it without him. I also share some of the poetry I wrote while going thru the storm.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1. Awareness of my physiology.
Like a pilot flying an airplane, knowing the instrument panel, what is lighting up that needs attention, or maybe there is an electrical shortage of some kind. Skilled pilots know to relax their body in times of stress, so they can come out of an emergency tailspin or do an emergency landing. If a pilot isn’t paying attention to the air control center a collision or warning of bad weather will not be heard and unable to reroute as necessary. Similarly, our physiology gives signals when something is off. We can catch something early before it can gain speed and spin out of control.
Before I get a migraine, I get a warning. One of my eyes (sometimes both) will see squiggly lines of colors similar to a kaleidoscope. If I take medication within 25 minutes, I can prevent a full blown migraine. My vision is clears up and I can function normally without suffering.
Knowing what triggers me can help me to make adjustments that help my nervous systems not get overwhelmed. I can catch it before it happens. One time I had a really tough trigger and I asked Dr. Peca for help. I didn’t understand what had happened and she asked me to write out a “reverse timeline.” As I charted my course on paper, I began seeing patterns and similarities of personality predator qualities, and also how they were protected by cliques (like a wolf pack). By knowing and understanding the trigger (related to childhood trauma) I was no longer blindsided and able to start dismantling that trigger.
Triggers can be caused by; exclusion, gaslighting, certain scents that were connected with trauma, having information withheld, Anniversary dates of trauma, looking at childhood photos, being betrayed, or even a disappointment. Also knowing how your physiology responds with other people. Who depletes your energy? Who do you feel good around? Who do you feel sick around? Who supports you?
2. Psychoeducation.
It’s important to understand how stress hormones effect our body.
Dr. Robert Rhoton, author, lecturer and CEO of Arizona Trauma Institute explained; “The stress hormone Cortisol reduces Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, Endorphins [feel good neurotransmitters]. And Cortisol reduces executive functioning, reduces the ability to stop or inhibit behavior, reduces logic and reasoning, and interrupts the forming of sequential memory.”
Dr. Rhoton is also the instructor of the certification course, Trauma & Resilience Life Coach. Dr. Rhoton passionately drives it home, “Our nervous system is running the show!” I’ve learned a wealth of information from this course and others offered by the Arizona Trauma Institute.
The good news is that we can help offset stress hormones by how we treat our bodies (with the feel good hormones—sleep, nutrition, exercise and self regulation). To help fill myself up, I receive Thai Yoga massage combined with Swedish massage.
Dr. Alex Korb states, “Massage reduces pain because the oxytocin system activates painkilling endorphins. Massage also improves sleep and reduces fatigue by increasing serotonin and dopamine and decreasing the stress hormone cortisol. So if you’re feeling out of sorts, get a massage. You’ll be actively triggering the neurotransmitter systems that work to make you happier.”
It’s also important understand the aftereffects of trauma. Dr. Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist, neurologist and Holocaust survivor states, “an abnormal reaction to abnormal situation is normal behavior.”
3. Becoming a skilled communicator.
With our choice of words we have the power deescalate or ignite a heated conversation. Tone of voice and nonverbal commutation are very powerful skills to improve on. It takes practice to self-regulate when our adrenaline is moving full throttle into fight and flight, and still be respectful. Or oppositely for others when triggered, tend to shut down and freeze, unable to respond—which can be triggering to the other person.
We are so much easier to engage with in difficult conversations when both parties aren’t shielded with a coat of iron or go underground and withdraw.
Linda Thai conveys, “Our nervous systems interact with each other’s.”
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
By daily taking care of myself, I strive to come from a place of strength, not depletion. I love journaling to God in the morning. It’s a powerful way for me to start my day, ask for favor and release negative energy so it doesn’t build up.
It’s also important for me to have a good sleep routine, as well, which has been very challenging when overwhelmed. There have also been times when I’ve been really peaceful and happy, and didn’t want to go to sleep because I didn’t want it to end.
Being in nature revives me.
To help with feeling overwhelmed, I do visualization exercises; abstract painting or drawing to help release stress and/ or negative energy; Thai yoga massage helps fill me up (it’s also called lazy man’s yoga because the masseuse holds the poses for you); and I also do Holy Spirit Regulation.
When overwhelmed, I look at my schedule and see what I can cut back on or cut out. I journal what I’m experiencing and this helps me to get grounded. I go for a walk for fresh air and pray. I see what needs my attention the most; and go from there. If I’m at home, I’ll wear headphones that cancel out noise.
To relax, recharge and keep me grounded, I use an ice roller on my face (I love it after a hot shower). I let my husband know if I’m irritable and need more space. I also, lower the volume on my iPhone and computer. If I’m overwhelmed I cut back on caffeine and drink hot ginger tea.
If I have difficulty with intrusive thoughts or I just want to relax, I listen to bilateral music (it’s most effective wearing headphones) by Destined Dynamics on youtube. The beat alters from the left side of brain to the right side of the brain. This has a very calming affect on my nervous system.
I control what I can. I also like being prepared. My purse looks like a U-haul truck, lol. I keep ear plugs in it incase I experience sensory overload—crowded and loud restaurants, leaf blowers, etc. I also have ginger peppermints (for nausea), medication (for migraines) almonds (protein snack), water, paper and pen so I can write anytime, something to read so I don’t get bored while I’m waiting somewhere. I also, pay attention to my physiology and make adjustments when needed. This year my husband and I would like to go on a retreat, hiking, a bonfire and some exploring and learning together.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.brainwashedundone.com
