Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Rachel Aflleje. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Rachel , thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
“If you’re not laughing, you’re not helping me heal.”
That’s a tag from one of my most vulnerable jokes, and it perfectly captures the mindset I’ve developed over the years. My life hasn’t ever been easy, but I’ve never allowed that to be a reason I give up. I’ve learned that life is going to happen whether you face it with a bad attitude or good one. So why not take a moment, cry it out, then girl-boss forward with some whimsy?
I grew up in poverty with a single parent. I watched my three older siblings not graduate high school, and I made a decision: I would graduate on time. And I did. Then I decided I’d go to college. Did that too. Then came grad school—and believe it or not, I made it through that as well.
Along the way, I experienced some world-shattering traumas. In 2017, my older sister was killed by a drunk driver less than a block from her home. She left behind two daughters, and it absolutely rocked my world. Suddenly, my mom and I were left to care for her kids, all while I was still trying to finish grad school.
In the midst of all that, I just got tired of how serious life had become. There’s nothing funny about picking out an urn for your sister. Or filling out court paperwork so your mom can gain custody of a one-year-old. That was the moment I realized: I don’t have time not to do the things that make me happy. I didn’t have the time to rot in sadness in my apartment, no matter how much I wanted to.
So I started going to local open mics. Not because I thought I was funny, but because I just needed somewhere to be that wasn’t my bed. I went every week. Eventually, another comedian came up to me and said, “You want to do this. I know you do. Nobody comes to this many open mics.” I thought he was nuts. But I gave it a shot—and I haven’t stopped since.
Since I started stand-up, life hasn’t exactly gotten easier. If anything, it’s been the stuff of a Shonda Rhimes series.
I met the love of my life and we planned our dream wedding to be held on April 10th, 2020, only to have it canceled three weeks before the big day thanks to the pandemic. We ended up getting married in the living room of our apartment with 10 people instead of the lakefront venue we’d booked with 200 of our closest friends.
Then we started trying to have kids. What followed was three years of recurrent miscarriage—five in total—and we ended up on the other side with no living children. That alone felt like more than anyone should be asked to carry.
But the universe still wasn’t done. In June 2023, my mother—the woman raising my sister’s kids—died suddenly of a heart attack. She was at work on Friday and gone by Sunday.
Just like that, after three years of infertility, we became instant parents to a 7-year-old. We had only a few days to transform our house into a child-friendly space and make a room for a kid who had just lost her second parent.
That was two years ago. Since then, we’ve built a beautiful life. It’s messy. It’s bumpy. But it’s ours and we’ve made the most of it. In this life, all you can do is work with what you’ve been given- good or bad. So cry. Wallow. Let yourself feel it. But then, get out of bed. Find the joy. Make it count.
All of this has shown me that there’s nothing I can’t bounce back from. No obstacle so massive that I can’t find my way through, or around, it.
To put it plainly: my resilience came from struggle. It came from clawing my way out of nightmare situations, over and over again, because the alternative was letting them destroy me.
And I choose life.
Every single time, I choose life.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I was born and raised in Tacoma, Washington. By day, I work with kids—and by night, I’m out entertaining crowds. (And yes, I’m tired.) I’ve performed all over the Pacific Northwest and beyond, including being a selected performer for the Seattle International Comedy Competition, the Moontower JFL Comedy Festival, Boise’s TreeFort Festival, and a few others you probably haven’t heard of. My comedy pokes fun at the struggles of hashtag ✨real life✨ with a heavy sprinkling of sass. My ability to turn tragedy on its head and dunk it in the toilet a few times to show it whose boss leaves life’s nastiest curveballs shaking in their boots.In the last few years I have reached a level where I am touring around the country (and Canada this summer!!) telling jokes. I have the privilege of regularly opening for some heavy hitters in comedy like SNL’s, Tim Meadows, Nate Jackson, and Drew Lynch while producing some shows locally. One show I am particularly proud of is That’s What She Said, an all woman comedy showcase in Tacoma, Washington! Stay up to date on my shows by following my instagram, @RachelAfllejeComedy
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1. A love for people.
At the end of the day, standup comedy is a service job. I am up there by myself, but my goal is for the people in the room to walk away feeling better than they did when they arrived. Sometimes, the general public can make it hard, but I have an enduring belief that most people are good and I am often fascinated by how their brains work rather than pissed off because they’re being weird.
2. Networking.
Starting in standup, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to treat everyone you meet in the industry with kindness and a basic level of professionalism. In the beginning, especially, you never know if you’re talking to someone who makes decisions about stage time, or someone who could potentially purchase a ticket to your next show.
3. The ability to stay in my own lane.
I talk and joke about what I know, I don’t use my comedy at the expense of anyone else. This is helpful for two big reasons, first it makes it so my jokes can’t really be stolen. My experience is my own. Second, it keeps me from causing harm to other communities by stepping out of my lane and joking about things I don’t truly understand. This goes against the whole purpose of trying to make people laugh. Trust me. you can say the quiet part out loud and be bold and unfiltered without intentionally causing harm or belittling others. In this biz we call this, “punching up”. AKA, making fun of those who have more power than you do instead of those who have less power or capital than you.
My advice: Leave your ego at the door. You DO need to have a certain level of ego to believe that you have something so important to say that you should be in a spotlight with a microphone while people pay to hear you speak, sure. However, left unchecked that ego can lead to a belief that you deserve that spot on stage more than someone else which can make people act real goofy (and not in a funny way). In comedy, nobody owes you anything. Keep doing the work and the opportunities will start to present themselves. And if they don’t? Make opportunities for yourself until you are undeniable.
Okay, so before we go, is there anyone you’d like to shoutout for the role they’ve played in helping you develop the essential skills or overcome challenges along the way?
The people who have been the most helpful in my journey have been the pros I get to work with. Any time I have the chance to sit down and listen to a comedian who is further along than me, I jump at it. The wisdom and nuggets they have given have helped me turn “untouchable” topics like infertility into something I can say in front of any crowd and have them laughing with me. Not every piece of advice fits what I’m trying to do with my comedy, but it never hurts to hear what has worked for others.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @RachelAfllejeComedy
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