We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Taren Lutchey. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Taren below.
Hi Taren, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
It definitely didn’t come easy. Since I was a child I’ve fought with things like low self esteem, self doubt, and imposter syndrome. My mother would make me sit in the mirror and look at myself and say 10 good things about myself everyday. 5 things that I liked physically, and 5 things that I liked that aren’t physical (ex. smart, funny, nice, etc.). When she found out I was being bullied, she would always make sure to tell me things like “Unless someone is paying your bills, feeding you, buying your clothes, or taking care of you, their opinions are just words that can’t actually hurt you in any way.” I believe she 100% is the reason I have always been comfortable showing up as my authentic self anywhere I go. I still struggle at times, but still today, when I find myself feeling low, I go back to those words and I use the lessons she taught me to build myself back up.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am the founder of a Nonprofit Organization based in Toledo, Oh called Toledo Queer Black Collective (The Collective). Our mission is to unite our local queer black community through volunteerism and social networking. We hold social and volunteer events throughout the year like art shows, toy drives, themed parties, community cleanup days, and legal clinics. We are currently gearing up for our first Black Pride Festival called The ‘Family’ Reunion. That will be our biggest yearly event that will be a festival celebrating the contributions that POC have made to the LGBTQIA+ community.
The reason I started The Collective was to strengthen the sense of community amongst LGBTQIA+ POC locally. Here we don’t have many queer spaces, and even fewer where all POC feel welcome and safe to be their authentic selves.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Looking back I think the quality that I have that has been the most impactful in my journey is my authenticity. I am probably one of the weirdest (if not the weirdest) people in all of my friends’ friend groups and I never try to hide or change that. I have issues, I go through things, and I’m always open and honest about them when asked. I believe that quality attracts people to me because it allows them to feel comfortable in who they are or what they have experienced or are experiencing. There’s no need to feel guarded or like you have to pretend to be something you aren’t because I’m gonna show up as my weird, flawed self no matter what. I’ve noticed that that gives people not only comfort, but also a bit of confidence in the fact that we are all human, we are all flawed, we all go through things, and we all mess up. Perfection is a facade that I have no intention on ever trying to keep up.
As far as knowledge, I attribute my knowledge of self and history of my community to my grandmother. She has always told me to question and research everything. When I finally realized there was a word for the way I was feeling growing up, I (like the nerd that I am) went straight to the library and got a stack of books on any and everything LGBTQ+. The internet was fairly new (talk about aging myself) but what I couldn’t find in the library I would get on my computer and search Yahoo and Bing lol. She also took me to this LGBT youth support group called RAY once a week where we learned about everything from LGBTQIA+ history to STI/HIV Prevention. They even had us volunteering within our community. So I believe my knowledge of the LGBTQIA+ community has helped me on this journey because it has given me a sense of belonging and comfort in who I am, and has also helped me want to stay involved.
My advice for anyone early in their journey of helping in their community, no matter what community that is is to stay active within that community. Volunteer, socialize, learn as much as you can about what the needs are and don’t be afraid to do the work. Also, make sure anything you do is out of genuine love.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
Honestly, my friends and family. My cousin (more like aunt) Aviance has always been there for me, literally since birth. There is nothing I can’t go to her for. She has acted (even when I didn’t want her to lol) almost as a second parent to me for a lot of my life. She, along with my mother and grandmother made me confident to be who I am . I know she will always and has always been in my corner. I have a very small, but mighty circle of besties who have shown up and helped build me up and realize my power. My friends Charlie and Kevina who have known me since high school and have always been a sense of strength for me. If I need any advice or i I’m feeling down on myself, or about to make a questionable decision lol I know 100% of the time they both are going to be (brutally) honest with me, never out of malice, or to hurt me in any way, but to make sure that whatever decision I’m making is not hurting me while benefiting anyone or anything who doesn’t deserve it. They both have also always been fiercely protective of me since we met. Also, my friend Lexi. Lexi, since the day I met her has been by my side trying to build me up. I look up to her as a big sister. She actually is the reason I started my nonprofit. She gave me the blueprint. She showed me the value of volunteering and showing up for your community. She is the first person I had ever met who will LITERALLY take the shirt off of her back if she sees someone in need and not think twice about it. I have never met someone who honestly does things simply because they just love helping people and want a community to thrive while expecting nothing in return. It still til this day baffles me. Without her guidance, and support, I would not have had the confidence to even attempt to start The Collective.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.TQBCollective.org
- Instagram: @TQBCollective
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TQBCollective
- Other: https://linktr.ee/TQBCollective
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
