Meet Liesel Darby

We recently connected with Liesel Darby and have shared our conversation below.

Liesel, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?

Very early on I noticed that people seemed to be drawn to me and would just start telling me very private things about themselves right from the get-go. This led to my decision to become a therapist, and I had that career for 10years. I also became a certified life coach along the way. It wasn’t until after my divorce (after a 25-year marriage came crashing down due to my husband’s infidelity) that I decided to put myself out there as a divorce coach. I didn’t even know if that was a real thing. I had to scramble to pick myself up, figure out what my life was going to look like, reinvent some kind of a career (I was unemployed at the time of my divorce), and try to get a grip on my feelings of rage and revenge, grief, and overwhelming anxiety so that I could move forward.

I just knew that my background as a (former, at this point) therapist, current certified life coach, and my experience of going through a divorce seemed like a perfect combination to help other women get through divorce with as little damage as possible and find the joy on the other side. This resonated so strongly with me that I began taking the steps necessary to figure out how to network with divorce attorneys, go through collaborative divorce training, go through divorce mediation training, and most recently get certified as an alternative dispute resolution divorce coach.

My purpose was honed even further after working for a divorce coaching company out of California as a communication coach for moms divorcing narcissists. These were high conflict divorces, and I loved being able to help these women learn how to stay out of the chaos that their ex-spouses kept trying to drag them into, setting boundaries, and reclaiming their lives. I love this aspect of my work as a divorce coach.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

As an ADR certified divorce coach, one of the main things I help my clients do is manage conflict. Conflict is what makes divorce expensive, and it is conflict between parents that is harmful to children (not divorce itself). A large part of this deals with communication techniques. I help clients to manage big emotions at a time when they are making big decisions. I am a partner during this distressing time, helping clients gain clarity around next steps, parenting plans, proposals and counterproposals. They learn to be confident in their decisions. Also, this actually saves them money on their overall divorce bill, since I teach them to work effectively and efficiently with their attorney/mediator (saving time equals saving money!).
I am most excited about helping clients feel empowered and in control of themselves, as many have not felt that way in a long time, if ever.
Currently I work part time at Intentional Divorce Solutions as a divorce mediator and divorce coach. I also have my own business, Crown Coaching, offering individual divorce coaching during hours when I am not working at Intentional Divorce Solutions. Both are consistent with helping clients find their power and move forward into a brand new life.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

1. Having a background in counseling, life coaching, and then specifically ADR divorce coaching, with the conflict management piece. This gave me confidence in my ability to have structure to a coaching session, as well as the psychological background to work with clients as they navigate a very stressful time in their lives, and have techniques to help them move forward.

2. Perseverance–Never giving up, especially when there were no clients flocking to my services. I kept plugging along, continuing to network and get my name out there.

3. Unshakable belief that everything was always working out for me, even if I couldn’t see it at the time. This gave me a sense of peace that timing was at play and I could relax about the overall picture manifesting.

For those folks who are just starting their journey, my advice is to keep pushing forward if you have a sincere belief in what you are doing. Be able and willing to pivot if the need arises, as to how to move forward. It may not be in the way you have envisioned. Be open to receiving help. A belief and faith that you are always in the right place, at the right time, and the right people will appear on your path to help make your dream a reality.

To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?

This is a very specific decision my parents made regarding a boyfriend I was dating at the time, I had met my boyfriend when I was 16, and he was my first serious relationship. It started out ok, but was becoming progressively more controlling. I didn’t know any better, and viewed his attempts to want me all to himself, didn’t want any other male looking at me, becoming very jealous over little things, etc., as meaning that he loved me so much that he didn’t want to share me. Over the next year and a half, he became increasingly more aggressive, especially once I went away to college. He began to pressure me to drop out of college (I was an honors student) and get married. My dad, particularly, handled this in the most perfect way. Things came to a head when, at the end of my freshman spring semester, I was hit with a phone bill that I couldn’t afford to pay (this was before cell phones, and the dorm room had 1 wall-mounted phone–he had been calling me collect and it really added up). I called my dad, crying, and told him what had happened. He told me he would pay my bill but I had to work for my aunt’s restaurant–in Oregon (I lived in Ohio). He bought me a one-way ticket ( i had to stay long enough to earn money to buy a ticket home). He knew I needed to have distance from this guy in order to make a good decision about my future. Sure enough, I was there 2 weeks before this guy gave me an ultimatum, and it was like the light bulb went on. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t have to listen to him. The next day I wrote him a goodbye letter and mailed it off. I spent the rest of that glorious summer having a great time with my cousins and dating a few guys casually. My family ran interference for me whenever he tried to call, so I never did talk to him all summer. Once I returned back home a week before school started, he tried to get back together with me, but I was so over it. My dad’s decision to allow me to see for myself, with some distance and safety built in, what kind of life I could have if I moved on, without pressuring me or forbidding me to see my boyfriend, is the single most important thing my parents did for me. I returned to college, graduated magna cum laude with high honors. met another guy who later became my husband, and lived a very different life. I am forever grateful to my parents for this intervention, of sorts. I believe it is very important to allow others to make their own decisions, allow them to see for themselves the choices they can make and the consequences of those decisions, without making demands. I really appreciate the way my parents handled this scary situation with me.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.intentionaldivorce.com www.crowncoaching.com
• Linkedin: http//www.linkedin.com/in/lieseldarby

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