Meet Cinnamon McKinley

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Cinnamon McKinley. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Cinnamon below.

Cinnamon, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.

I have been living with mental health issues since early childhood. I had to learn how to live with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) right out of the womb. From a very young age, I was counting everything – my steps, the number of times I chewed my food, how many pen strokes it took to write my name. When I was forced to sit still, I would count my teeth or my mosquito bites or my bruises. Then I started adding numbers – phone numbers, street numbers – everything was added up, and meaning was assigned to each of the sums. Meanwhile, I never had to be told to clean my room – my space was not only always neat, but everything had to be symmetrical as well. Again, it was exhausting, constantly adjusting my belongings to meet some impossible standard. But everything had to be perfect, or I couldn’t focus on anything else but the imperfection in the room.

My grades were also obsessed over. I was a straight A student precisely because my OCD did not allow for anything below an A. I remember I got my first B in 6th grade. It was followed by my first panic attack. Middle school was where my OCD shot to a fevered pitch. If I couldn’t clean fast enough, I would panic. My heart would be racing while folding laundry or while vacuuming the carpet. Why? Because there’s no such thing as perfection! Everything is inherently flawed in some way. My perfectionism was running and ruining my life. But I was just a kid, and didn’t know how to put these vast feelings into words. So, I muscled through without help – no meds, no therapy, nothing. It did not go well.

High school was more of the same. Still obsessively cleaning and straightening. Still obsessively studying. It looked good on paper – I was top of my class and soon to be the first person in my family to go to college. But I was so unhappy and so lonely. No one outside myself could understand the way my brain functioned. People would tell me to relax a little. I didn’t know how.

For college I opted to stay local and commute to a state college as opposed to living the dorm life – too many uncontrollable variables in a dorm. Too many opportunities for asymmetry and imperfection. I could never live with a roommate. So, I commuted for the four years, and I graduated Cum Laude in 1999.

After graduation I promptly moved out. My family, my siblings particularly, found my OCD to be quirky, even humorous, and I would often come home from school or work to find things in disarray, purposely moved or messed with in an attempt to cause me distress. Childish fun, right? But I couldn’t’ subject myself to that anymore. I felt so out of control. So, I found a tiny apartment in Astoria, Queens, NYC and I kept it perfect, symmetrical, it was mine and I could control it entirely. I fell in love with my perfect apartment. I fell in love with the city. It offered me anonymity. I could be myself without judgement. My OCD was better in NYC. That is, until September of 2001 – that’s when everyone’s world was turned upside down. That’s when anxiety added itself to the mix and I started having daily panic attacks just trying to leave my perfect apartment and head into the imperfect world. I finally sought help – medication and therapy – you need both. Medication alone isn’t going to get to the root of the issue. Isn’t going to help you heal from your past trauma. You need therapy too.

Here’s the thing, though – a pro tip for you. Therapy only works if you’re 100% honest. I don’t just mean being honest with your therapist. I mean being honest with yourself. With the help of my therapist, I had to learn to not only peek at my shadow, but to get to know her, dance with her, become one with her. I had to embrace my dark side, my flaws, my imperfections in order to get over the need to control and the need to perfect. I needed to get the poison out, slough it off like an infected scab. I needed to shed my control of things in order to finally feel in control. That is how I am still overcoming my mental health hurdles to this day. Yes, the right cocktail of antidepressants and such is going to do wonders, but therapy is how you move past the anxiety or the depression or even the OCD, as the case may be.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

On top of my busy full-time career as an x-ray technologist, and my fulfilling full-time career as mother to two amazing neurodivergent teenaged boys, I am also a small business owner. Mandala Madra, LLC is my endeavor to bring more love and light into this world – my way of offering others the opportunity to learn about themselves and love themselves unconditionally, the way we all deserve to be loved.

Allow me to help you sort out some of life’s issues with a tarot and oracle card reading. Or I can help you to divine answers with a pendulum Q&A. Feel stuck, like you’re mired in negativity? I would be happy to provide you with a sound bath to clear and balance your chakras. Or if you want to be more hands-on, I can offer you an interactive sound session to cleanse your home’s stagnant energy, replacing it with positive, high-vibrational energy.

I also create essential oil roller balls, room sprays and pillow sprays, all geared at helping you feel comfortable in your own skin. I have scents that will remind you to love yourself. I have scents that provide relief of migraines, menstrual symptoms, or even perimenopause. I have scents that help relieve anxiety and help with sleep.

My favorite product is my Tiny Spell Ampules. These are tiny jars or bottles that I have created to help you along your journey. You can wear them, pray with them, put them on your altar, or hang then on your rearview mirror. I have spells for protection, spells that will help you love yourself, find your passion, find abundance, seek out new beginnings or clear communication. I would love for you to check out my website for more information: www.smeesreadings.com

I think what I’m most excited about, coming into the summer season, is the number of vendor shows, craft fairs, and pop-up shops I’ll be participating in. In June alone we have a handful of events right here in Columbus, OH, including the Energy Powered Putting Event and Pop-Up Shop at Raymond Memorial Golf Course, and the Columbus Avant-Garde Art and Craft Show. at the Makoy in Hilliard, OH. Please see my website for more details on all the upcoming shows.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Patience, perseverance, and humility –

Be patient, with yourself especially. Progress, not perfection. You may not see yourself progressing by leaps and bounds, but if you work on your goal every day, eventually you will see your gains. Small daily actions create habits and that’s all that’s needed to see big changes down the road.

Persevere – don’t give up, keep striving for your goal, be it to improve your mental health or to get your business off the ground. If it’s important to you and it makes you happy or improves your lot in life, then it’s worth the hard work. Remember that.

And remain humble always. No matter how good you have it, you could lose it just as easily, so appreciate it, be grateful and remain humble.

How can folks who want to work with you connect?

My dream is to collaborate with other energy workers. I envision playing my crystal singing bowls while a client is getting a massage or a Reiki or Reflexology session, compounding the positive energy and the relaxation received by that client. I would love to set up shop in a massage or yoga studio, and play my bowls, not just for the benefit of the clients, but for the practitioners as well. If you’re reading this and want to collaborate, please feel free to reach out to me via my website at www.smeesreadings.com, or send me an email at [email protected].

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.smeesreadings.com

Image Credits

Cinnamon McKinley, Latosha Jones