An Inspired Chat with Alex Lopez Ahr of California, Texas, London

Alex Lopez Ahr shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Alex, we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: What do the first 90 minutes of your day look like?
Usually I go into the morning kitchen (the unique version of the kitchen that appears at the morning) and make a coffee and wash any spare dishes. Then, if it’s summer, I’ll light a candle in the back garden. Or if it’s winter, I’ll go up to the office and light it there. This candle will burn while I have my coffee and stretch next to a journal. This is how thoughts come to me– typically, they are the half-digested thoughts from the day before that find weight and gravity and so I will be able to come to conclusions.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Alex Ahr, I am a content creator and writer who runs an ASMR channel (AlexAhrASMR) and a blog (What In Me Is Dark). I am part of a new wave of individuals housing their thoughts online instead of within formal institutions. Maybe this is in keeping with the fact that I stick to the personal side of intellectual life. Major themes of my content involve suspending rigid self-narratives, maintaining subjectivity, and keeping life creative.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What’s a moment that really shaped how you see the world?
When I was in my early twenties I caught myself lying about a situation to exaggerate my helplessness. It was a stupid lie- I was angry that I’d missed an important package delivery. The truth is, the delivery driver had knocked and waited, but I had simply been too scared to open the door on time, thinking maybe it was a murderer. And so, when I missed the delivery, I spun a story about how the driver hadn’t even waited for me and had sped off before I could get to him. Something strange happened then. As I was going all the way into the lie, I felt an intense wave of shame and an undeniable sense of wrong. I knew right then if I wanted to grow up, I was going to have to have some agency.

What did suffering teach you that success never could?
When I had my stroke at 27 and faced relearning daily tasks like showering and typing, I was happy to be alive at all. I went forward with the attitude that each skill unlocked was a miracle, and so, I had many miracles. Suffering has taught me to work with what I have and to move forward with a sense of discovery. Before this, I relied on strong false-self mechanisms to function and was not in touch with my body. I believe I am more intentional and “real” now.

Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. Is the public version of you the real you?
Yes. I have an acute sense of the hollow pit underneath the facade of bureaucratic and constructed reality. I am typically just a number, a tax ID, an employee, or a spot in a queue. As a result, I take up as much honest room in my public pursuits as allowed- I rebel against being objectified by the systems that demand such a position. When somebody watches my youtube channel, they are seeing me evolve in real time. When somebody reads my writing, they are hearing my purest thoughts. I try to keep other people in mind when I make anything, as if they are in the room with me. I think, “how can I show them exactly what I mean?” In private, sometime I am still talking to them.

Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. Are you tap dancing to work? Have you been that level of excited at any point in your career? If so, please tell us about those days. 
I feel that way now when I sit down to record a video or write a story. It’s the most alive I feel, it has a sense of real importance. A huge part of this feeling is the engagement I get on my videos. Being supported by real people in the world is the highlight of my week. The fact that I can emotionally reach anybody at all by simply sharing my experiences gives me a lot of meaning. It gives me the fuel to go further.

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