Story & Lesson Highlights with Dr. Ali Dubin of All of California

We recently had the chance to connect with Dr. Ali Dubin and have shared our conversation below.

Good morning Ali, it’s such a great way to kick off the day – I think our readers will love hearing your stories, experiences and about how you think about life and work. Let’s jump right in? What is a normal day like for you right now?
These days, a normal day starts around 8AM with clients. Then a nice break where I take a long walk along the beach, or a walk down to the community pool to take an aquafit class with some funny, feisty, singing seniors. After washing out the chlorine, I head back to work until sometimes 8PM before relaxing with something I’ve been looking forward to watching on TV.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I am a couples therapist. I use Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and Relational Life Therapy to deepen connection and create safety between partners. I love working with LGBTQIA+ couples and couples who are highly motivated to have the best relationship possible.

Okay, so here’s a deep one: What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
Sometimes it’s the big ruptures or betrayals that break the bonds. But usually, it’s what we call death by a thousand papercuts. Years of missing or actively not responding to repeated bids for connection. Secrets, lies, and turning away rather than towards our loved one cuts the threads that bind us. The good news is that the magic is in the repair. Attuning to our person, listening from a place of curiosity, remorse, empathy, and a change in behavior helps restore those bonds.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
Little Ali, you can relax, slow down, and be a kid. You’re not responsible for everyone else’s feelings. You are lovable. You deserve time and attention, and you deserve to feel safe.

Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. Is the public version of you the real you?
Most definitely. I don’t know how to hide or be fake. It’s physically painful for me to be inauthentic, just as it is painful to be around someone who is inauthentic. I might be a little more judgy than I let on, but I’m working on that.

Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. What will you regret not doing? 
I’m not sure I’ve yet to give up on the idea of any of these things, but if I don’t do them I think I’ll regret not doing stand-up, learning to play an instrument well, traveling the world, and writing a memoir.

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