Story & Lesson Highlights with Paul Gilmartin

Paul Gilmartin shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Good morning Paul, we’re so happy to have you here with us and we’d love to explore your story and how you think about life and legacy and so much more. So let’s start with a question we often ask: Have you stood up for someone when it cost you something?
Yes. My major advertiser accounted for more than half my income but was sued by the FCC for selling clients’ information to 3rd parties so I parted ways with them. They are the world’s largest online therapy provider.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I host the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. I talk with guests about mental/emotional challenges both past and present. I started the podcast in 2011. I’m a former tv host (TBS’ Dinner and a Movie 1995-2011) and standup comedian (Comedy Central Presents: Paul Gilmartin).

Okay, so here’s a deep one: What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
The desire for control, especially things we can’t control is the main bond-destroyer in my opinion. Vulnerability and boundaries are the things that have helped me the most in finding peace and self-respect/self-compassion. I didn’t discover them until i was in my 40s. Better late than never 🙂

Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
Yes, beofe I got sober in 2003 (I’m still sober) from drugs and alcohol I thought about suicide a lot (probably 50 times a day) despite having a great life on paper (professional success etc). It wasn’t until I got help that my life changed, especially how I saw myself and the world around me.

Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. What’s a belief you used to hold tightly but now think was naive or wrong?
That the path to finding peace was by being professionally successful.. I thought that a sense of success or financial security would bring that. It only made me want more but not in a goal-oriented healthy way. I wanted it to appear “impressive”. I only wound up appearing arrogant, selfish and desperate. It wasn’t until I had to get help for my addictions that I realized peace could come from being a helpful, considerate person who revealed the parts of me I was trying to hide like how filled with fear and self-loathing I was. I still struggle with it sometimes but I have tools and support systems that help me feel connected. Gabor Mate says the opposite of addiction is human connection. I have found that to be true.

Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. When do you feel most at peace?
When I let go of worry and trying to control and accept the things I can’t control. Essentially when I put away my broken crystal ball.

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