We’re looking forward to introducing you to Ethan Feider. Check out our conversation below.
Ethan, really appreciate you sharing your stories and insights with us. The world would have so much more understanding and empathy if we all were a bit more open about our stories and how they have helped shaped our journey and worldview. Let’s jump in with a fun one: Are you walking a path—or wandering?
I take great pride in the idea that I am a hopeful wanderer. Thats to say, I have great faith in my unknowing, that the path ahead is wholly unknown yet the exact one I am supposed to be on. There is certainly great ambition in me, and my hopes for a specific destination certainly exist, but I’d certainly rather be pleasantly surprised what I encounter along my journey in life over being disappointed when my carefully chartered path gets disrupted.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Im a performance Artist, writer and entertainer. I primarily work as an actor for stage and film but I certainly hope to branch out into modeling and voice acting as well. I also write poetry and am currently in the beginning stages of getting my first book published! I have committed myself to this work full time for about 4 years now and it is the happiest I have ever been. I aim to bring a unique and provocative flavor to the stories and media im involved with and to reflect society onto itself in the hopes of stronger and more inclusive culture. As a member of the LGBTQ+ it’s incredibly important to me to be a progressive and predominant voice for my community and to uplift and platform the voices of all marginalized groups.
Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What relationship most shaped how you see yourself?
It’s maybe a bit of a cliche as poet, but my romantic and intimate relationships have by far had the most profound impact on me throughout my whole life. I could go on and on about how each ex and each partner I’ve had has had in some way deeply effected my being and how I operate through life. But the strongest example I can provide is from a relationship I had in my late teens to very early 20’s. We had been on and off for a few years, and were at one point even engaged. I was obsessed with her in what was probably a very unhealthy way. I had yet to fully recognize myself and who I was and constantly projected my issues onto her. Real toxic business. However, she always saw something in me that I had yet to recognize. Her absolute beauty and our many wild nights that would turn to late mornings inspired me. I had written casual, non-serious poetry before, but she filled me with such intense emotions that I decided to write my first actual poem for her. After she read it, she kept it in her journal and it seemed to truly resonate with her. One day she told me I was a poet and something unlocked in me. From then on I know that to be a core essence of who I am and ill always be thankful to her for it.
Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
Many. Every day is a battle with myself in thinking about what I “should be doing” as opposed to what I am actually doing. I suffer from Bi-polar depressive disorder. There is never truly certainty in me, only strong emotions. I have always felt that being an artist was what I wanted to be doing, even as a kid. But work as an actor is hard to come by, and paying work is even more difficult to find. There are plenty of points where I sort of threw in the towel and got a job in a field that I know I’d at least make money in, such as food service or the military, but those times I always felt furthest away from myself. There is a very tangible ache that creeps in when I find myself not doing what I am passionate about. It was most present when I had joined the military. I had dropped out of college at an acting school and thought, “well If I cant succeed in doing what I love most, I guess ill just force myself to do what I hate.” Which of course was a horribly harmful attitude. I experienced depression in that time that nearly ended my life. Luckily enough I have wonderful friends and family who saw me through it until I finally decided to stop punishing myself and commit to what I love.
I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. What truths are so foundational in your life that you rarely articulate them?
Something I’ve struggled with as of very recently is exactly how vocal I am on my social platforms about my social and political views. We live in a time of GREAT unrest and division. I believe that we as a society are constantly being lied to and manipulated by individuals of massive, unjust wealth and they use their power to commit atrocities. It’s very upsetting to see the greed and bigotry on full display by the very people we are supposed to look to as leaders. Just these opinions alone could be considered radical and put me in a position of severe disadvantage in the entertainment industry. Ive often tried to find the balance of moral obligation to speak out against tyranny while also remaining “marketable” to a broad audience. I will not be complicit in the evil done on the global stage, yet I constantly fear the backlash of my speaking out ruining my career and preventing me from reaching a level of success that would allow me to live comfortably. Ultimately, I think it’s best to speak out through my work, and to make art that speaks for itself. A social media post can be influential, but not unless you first have the audience to witness it. It is a hard balance to strike that I am certainly still trying to navigate.
Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: If you laid down your name, role, and possessions—what would remain?
My love for the people in my life (and my dogs) and my desire to give everything they have given to me back tenfold.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @Not_That_Smart
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@ETHANzF
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