Life, Values & Legacy: Our Chat with Gretchen Holmes PhD of Houston, TX

We recently had the chance to connect with Gretchen Holmes PhD and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Gretchen, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: What battle are you avoiding?
This is such a great question! I think most of us are avoiding something and mine is addressing issues that I know are getting in the way of reaching my health goals. I’ve done a lot of internal work in order to reach the health goals I’ve already achieved and I’m proud of that.. However, I think I’ve just scratched the surface and there’s a lot more work to do–and I know that work is going to be painful at times.

My journey has been filled with hard things: beating cancer three times, losing my entire nuclear family before I turned 60, and losing over 100 pounds after being diagnosed diabetic. Those events has provided me with opportunities to look inward to identify a lot of painful stuff but I know there’s more to unpack. The more I unpack, the freer I am. That’s my focus right now–even though I’m really good at avoiding things that are uncomfortable, I know deep down that it’s time to jump in.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I wrote a book in 2024 called “The Work in Between: A Memoir About Stepping Out of My Shadows” that chronicled my journey growing up in an alcoholic home, turning to food for comfort, and life as an overweight kid who became a morbidly obese adult. In 2022, I lost my younger brother to COVID, which devastated me. He had been struggling with diabetes, had already had one leg amputated and was on dialysis. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, it was very clear what my future held. I knew I had to make changes to avoid what I knew was coming. So, I did. I lost over 100 lbs., started a podcase called The Work in Between, and then wrote my book.

Since then, I have become passionate about how to talk about obesity, how to build stronger partnerships between patients and providers, and how to love ourselves harder even when the world says we shouldn’t.

I’m currently working on my second book and promoting a recently published anthology called The Backyard Peace Project: Volume One. My chapter promotes loving ourselves harder when we stumble or fall.

We need a lot more of that.

Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. What part of you has served its purpose and must now be released?
Thoughtful question. I have been a people pleaser my entire life. I did it because I thought no one would want to hang out with me if I made it too hard. (I figured this was the case because I was overweight .) So, I gave in all the time. I kept the peace. I made it easy for everyone to be my friend. They didn’t ask me to do that, I just felt it was what I had to do.

There there was a lot of chaos growing up in an alcoholic home, which made me crave peace (even though I think my super power is navigating chaos and trauma). While I was probably most comfortable in the chaos, a part of me wanted a normal life. A life where things were predictable and calm.

I played that role for most of my life. I accommodated everyone. I never pushed back. Ultimately, I would find out later, it was because I didn’t feel like I deserved extra effort (from myself or from someone else). After I started doing the inner work that went along with my weight loss journey, I was able to address the relationship I had with myself and started healing those feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. The weight loss didn’t hurt but it was the inner work that caused the biggest changes.

I have released the need to people please, to put myself last, to give myself less than I deserve. It’s quite freeing to let that go.

What did suffering teach you that success never could?
Admittedly, I have had my share of suffering. Losing my mom, dad, and both brothers was brutal. Going through cancer three times was hard and the long-term effects of treatments has impacted my life in a lot of ways. Emotionally, all of those things, along with spending most of my life either overweight or obese, they all took a toll, but there’s always a flipside to everything.

Because of all of those experiences, I’m more sensitive to how others are moving through life. I learned that what we see on the outside rarely matches what is going on inside. My mom always told me, “Don’t compare your insides with other peoples’ outsides.” It took me a long time to understand that but I realized I spent a lot of effort creating a “normal” life so friends didn’t really see what was actually going on.

I know that most folks are doing the best they can. I don’t judge anyone. What I’ve developed over my lifetime is compassion. Genuine compassion. Success, and I’ve had plenty, has never come close to teaching me that. It’s one of the gifts I have been given and I’m grateful.

Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? Is the public version of you the real you?
For the most part, what you see is what you get. I admit that sometimes I come across more confident than I often feel on the inside but I’m not two different people in the sense that I become someone else when I’m doing a motivational talk or if I’m doing a podcast. In those cases, that’s probably closer to the real me because I’m tapping into my truth and am usually in the flow of who I am when I’m not censoring myself or getting in my own way.

As I’ve gotten older, I slip into my truth a lot easier, especially if I don’t overthink things (which I tend to do). Growing up in a home with addiction teaches you to be highly sensitive to your environment. That’s why we tend to be really good at reading a room. It’s also why we are always waiting for something bad to happen because it often did.

I’ve worked on a lot of those behaviors and it’s getting better but I still fall back into old patterns. Aren’t we all a work in progress?

Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. If you knew you had 10 years left, what would you stop doing immediately?
I would work less and play more. I would laugh more and spend more time with family and friends. I would try harder to help more people reconnect with themselves to understand how truly amazing they are. I would teach the world that when they stumble or fall, that’s the time to love themselves more, not less. No more beating ourselves up and tearing ourselves down. We all have to become our own best cheerleader. I’ve never achieved anything by throwing myself under the bus. Realizing that accountability and grace that stand side-by-side is powerful and life-changing.

That’s what I would do.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://gretchenholmesphd.com/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gretchennholmes

Image Credits
Madeline Simpson