An Inspired Chat with Ari Spence of Hudson Valley and beyond

We’re looking forward to introducing you to Ari Spence. Check out our conversation below.

Ari, we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: What do you think others are secretly struggling with—but never say?
I think more people are wrestling with anger than they are comfortable admitting. People often confuse anger with rage. They can be interconnected but anger can be much gentler than rage.

Rage is like a wildfire – it produces untamed destruction. Anger, though, can be calm, quiet. Anger can even be nice or polite.

People think that anger has to be violent. It does not. A person who expresses frustrations through passive aggression is struggling with anger much in the same way that a person who throws a book is grappling with theirs. There is a difference between nice and kind – not everyone is doing something nice out of kindness. We are more apt to villainize an outburst because we can perceive its impact.

Anger is treated as a moral failing. It is not. Anger is a feeling. Anger is not inherently “bad.” How we handle our anger is the qualifying distinction. If we start to treat anger as an experience rather than a state of existence, anger becomes easier to hold.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I sing, I act, I write, I travel, I learn, and I’m still going. My metric for doing anything is, “Will this make me happy?” I refuse to live a life that doesn’t feel like my own. Sometimes I get lost and think about silly things (like money) but then I remember that I’ve made it this far and I’ve always figured it out.

Right now I’m working on my upcoming book, “The Angry Academic’s Guide to Writing” with Innovative Ink. After several years of being told by people in my life, “You should write a book!” an opportunity to do just that appeared before me. What started off as a text book became something far more personal. It transformed into the story of rage, rediscovery, and about 100 pages of glorious, healing nonsense.

Appreciate your sharing that. Let’s talk about your life, growing up and some of topics and learnings around that. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
I like to think it isn’t about what breaks the bonds between people but, instead, what keeps them together.

Trust is the end all be all. Trust is hard to forge, easy to break, and difficult to rebuild. But all three of those things are possible through intention. If you intend to build a strong relationship, you will do the work to make it happen. If you do good work, the work you already put in won’t be easily broken -if the person you are building with has done the same thing. Even with good intentions, miscommunication happens. It’s about creating a foundation that can withstand it.

I’ve had my trust violated before, and there have even been times I had to call it quits with people because of it. However, there are also instances of some relationships being rebuilt stronger. These instances aren’t frequent but, when they do occur, the rarity makes it easier to accept the truth.

Do you remember a time someone truly listened to you?
I think about it often.

I don’t remember what I was going through at the time, but I remember the crushing feeling of dread; whatever I was dealing with felt inescapable. I was venting to a friend at the time. The problem wasn’t something that they would be able to help solve and, frankly, I don’t even think I was looking for solutions. I just needed to feel understood.

There was a piano in the room where we were talking. My friend started playing the piano. It was a beautiful song I had never heard before so I stopped speaking. Not because I felt silenced but because I was struck by the beauty of the composition. I thought maybe they wanted to distract me from the pain.

When I stopped talking, my friend stopped playing. We held eye contact. I started speaking again. They started playing again. I stopped; they stopped. I realized that they were scoring what I was saying in real time. Having my pain translated into music was more than just understanding. It was one of the most magical, profound moments of my life.

So a lot of these questions go deep, but if you are open to it, we’ve got a few more questions that we’d love to get your take on. Is the public version of you the real you?
To an extent, yes. The “public” me isn’t a lie — it is a highlight reel of the best parts of me. I get no gratification from personas or inauthenticity. But, my public image is a lot more joyful than my private one. I’m prone to Depression more often than not and I wrestle with my PTSD to such a degree that I’m convinced the universe has sent a few “It’s a Wonderful Life” moments my way.

I’ve developed a difficulty in sharing my pain and struggles. I’d much rather talk about my cool projects or adventures rather than my sadness. I don’t want my legacy to be of someone who is frequently sad, which is the reality. I’d much rather be known as smiling, curious, and adventurous. I save my melancholy for those who can be trusted with it.

Okay, we’ve made it essentially to the end. One last question before you go. What light inside you have you been dimming?
I’ve been dimming myself for a while. I can be socially awkward and have a difficult time “reading the room,” as they say. There are times that I want to avoid being perceived, let alone receive attention. The past bad voices will play on repeat in my head and will react to that rather than the reality. I’m more inclined to tell myself that I’m being “over the top” or “too much” than to believe people have a good time being around me.

I’ve been dimming myself for so long, I forgot how bright I can burn. The time has come to take off the dimmers and allow people to be in my light.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @Legally_punk; @Legally_Haunted; @Tomb_Tales
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AriSpence17
• Other: TikTok @Legally_haunted