An Inspired Chat with Nicholas Maio-Aether MAMFT, MSPSY, LBA, CSC, IBA, BCBA

We’re looking forward to introducing you to Nicholas Maio-Aether MAMFT, MSPSY, LBA, CSC, IBA, BCBA. Check out our conversation below.

Nicholas, we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: What is something outside of work that is bringing you joy lately?
I’ve been making a habit of walking my dog 3-4x per day, at least a 1/2 mile each time. I find that breaking the day up a bit, getting outside away from work, and being with my best friend/son while watching him adventure through the neighborhood — that brings me immense joy.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Hi there! People call me “The Sex Analyst,” and I would like to share a bit about myself. I founded and own Empowered: A Center for Sexuality in St Louis, where I and my team of 13 sexological clinicians work to assist humans with and without disabilities to achieve sexual access, sexual freedom, gender affirmation, and self-control of compulsive behaviors. I work throughout the world, training Behavior Analysts so persons in Supportive Living (ISL) programs gain access to applicable and generalizable comprehensive sex ed and sexual opportunities. In addition to now running a comprehensive training and certification program (Certified Behavioral Sexologist/CBS) and volunteering for the Board of Applied Behavioral Sexology (BABS), which I founded, I provide consultation in Sexual Behavior Analysis (SBA), and have assisted polycules, kinksters, gay couples, trans and nonbinary humans, among others, on their journeys. I also run a free meetup and support group for adults with HIV. Trained by GLSEN in 2003, I started Gay-Straight Alliances across Alaska while in high school, and provided them sex ed materials and trainings. I was a national toy reviewer and asst. store manager for Hustler Hollywood in St Louis before moving into Behavior Analysis, and joined AASECT, where I am in my 2nd term as Bylaws Chair, and am certified as a Certified Sexuality Counselor (CSC). I then completed a Sex Therapy practicum in 2019 before getting a second Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, and meeting those hour requirements along with his LGBTQIA+ Family Systems Specialist certificate in 2021. Last, I completed all doctoral education and a comprehensive exam (ABD) in Clinical Sexology. So, yeah, big old sex nerd here.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
As a child, I was certain of a few things I no longer believe. While I am grateful to be more aligned with reality now, I do miss the fantastic and imaginative world of youth. There was a time when I believed I was essentially invincible, touched by the Divine, as it were, destined to do great things. I knew my name meant “Victory of the People,” and I took that as prophecy. It made me bold, which in some ways, was helpful in developing base skills I do use now. However, it also made me a risk-taker and a bit of a narcissist. I thought I was at the center — everyone else was living in my story. I didn’t know as a child, however, that I was autistic. Finding that out at 27 through clinical testing really helped me understand how my perspective fit into the world around me, and helped me let go of my belief that I was the only one who could help myself, that I was the only one who could see things as they really were. I was just seeing from an individual perspective, as we all do.

Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
When I found out that I had AIDS — literally, a T-Cell count of 199, so AIDS, not just HIV — I was only 22 and less than a week from graduating with my bachelor’s degree. I was working 2 jobs, 70 hours per week, in addition to being a full-time student. I had been partying to take the edge off on the occasional free night I did have, and I wasn’t making the wisest choices. Remember earlier when I said that, as a kid, I thought I was invincible? Well, I was still in that mindset. The world was my oyster and I was about to graduate, to take it on, to make a name for myself. And then, I was sick. So sick, I couldn’t mow the lawn on my own. I couldn’t go up and down my basement steps without taking a break to breathe. Everything hurt. I had lesions on my legs; they were the worst. And the medicines I was on were also making me have horrible digestive issues and vivid nightmares each night. I can definitely say, that’s the time in my life where I almost gave up. But I didn’t. I kept going, because at the end of the day, I didn’t see death as an alternative option. Only living. So, I slowly, but surely, fought my way back into the world, beginning with my first online Master’s degree, which I obtained while still working 40 hours per week. I began feeling proud of myself, and mad at my past self, and both fueled me. I’ve since let go of the anger toward my past self, but initially, I can’t say it wasn’t helpful.

I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. What are the biggest lies your industry tells itself?
I think is the world of behavior analysis, the biggest lie told between our own would be that we are somehow more important or valid than other provider types within the realm of mental and behavioral health. “Data or it didn’t happen,” is the kind of thing that implies anything qualitative/intagible is invalid, and while I am an analyst of quantitative elements of the human experience (i.e., tangible behaviors), it is ignorant to assume there is no part of the human experience that isn’t demonstrated through observable behaviors. I would say this ignorance is why many Behavior Analysts don’t play nice with other provider types, and it’s also why other provider types have come to dislike us. Furthermore, the focus on data doesn’t always mean ideal outcomes for the individual, who may dislike the treatment and even the goal — so again, a focus on that qualitative and personal experience is something behavior analysts lie to themselves when they believe it’s unimportant.

Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: If you knew you had 10 years left, what would you stop doing immediately?
Working. I love the work I do, but at the end of the day, I work to be able to live my values, and I am trying to save for a retirement in which I can indeed live my values — of family, friends, adventure, travel. These are things that, if I knew I had only 10 years left, I would focus on entirely. I would ensure longevity of my agency, because the work we do is so needed, but I would bow-out respectfully and focus on raising a family and connecting better with friends I’ve grown distant from.

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