An Inspired Chat with Samantha Mecca of Downtown

Samantha Mecca shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Good morning Samantha, we’re so happy to have you here with us and we’d love to explore your story and how you think about life and legacy and so much more. So let’s start with a question we often ask: What’s more important to you—intelligence, energy, or integrity?
Integrity is my go-to. I claim that whatever/however others might view, criticize, or assume about me, my Integrity and Honesty are all I have and it’s there in every decision and interaction. Of course, intelligence is always great, but I’m sure we know more than a few out there with great intelligence, but not a shred of integrity. I hate the use of the word “genius,” since it gives some the license to act in a superior manner and expects everyone else to respect that hierarchy without question. Do you notice the word “genius” is almost never applied to women? It’s always the men, and it’s basically their opportunity to fling out ‘thingy-my-wingy’ to show superiority. Very Dirk Diggler, yes? Many intelligent people I’ve had the pleasure to know tend to be so chill and truly open to inquiry that they never play the “genius” card. Energy can be great, but as one who never was bursting with energy thanks to years of insomnia killing my waking hours vibe, I can find excessive energy in some to be grating and wearing. There are people with whom it’s cool, but generally it’s more a pain because their “energy” is not about what they are doing with their skills, but rather it is a performative exercise in showing how much work they are thinking they want you to know. I prefer the Warhol-inspired reference for “Work” from Lou Reed/John Cale’s “Songs for Drella,” ….”It’s work, the most important thing is work….” Even if it is not work per se, I think it’s important to be doing something…anything. We’ll be dead soon enough. Another line from the same song resonates with me “….Sometimes when I can’t decide what I should do….He’d probably say you think too much, That’s cause there’s work that you don’t want to do.”

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I am Samantha Mecca. I’ve spent many decades as a performing musician and the past decade as a popular music scholar and department head in a university. I am transitioning to live my authentic self after many decades of hiding behind various personae, which kinda-but-not-really worked and left me perpetually depressed and quick to anger (think New Order’s “Regret” or Joy Division’s “Atrocity Exhibition’)…but my ‘real’ self finally won out. I suppose I am an example of the “Believe” school. Not Cher’s “Believe” but more of the Buzzcocks “I Believe.” I started serious studies in music at age 19 because I believed I had no other option. If there was another option, I surely didn’t see it or demonstrate any special aptitude towards anything else. I believed that if I “stuck with it,” (did the work?) then I might make something happen. Desperation, perseverance, and belief. While I’ve re-entered the scholarly racket, giving papers at conferences, working on building two new book projects and the like, I am actively looking for that next creative leadership opportunity. When I receive calls to interview for such positions and I ask what about me appeals to their needs, it is always a case of “…we’ve seen the transformation you did at institution x…..” or “your ability to work across disciplines and create communication pathways is so unique…” or “your willingness to deconstruct and build again seems to be influential and inspiring to those with whom you collaborate…” ….you can get the drift. While I never saw myself as a mover of big ideas, it was pointed out to me, by others, that this was a unique skill, being a visionary, a big thinker, and all. It just made sense as Work. So now….find the new opportunity and GO……

Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. What part of you has served its purpose and must now be released?
Christian Matijas-Mecca, formerly Christian Matjias, formerly Christian Matthies….somewhere Phillip Carrout……they all served their purpose and while I still must remain in stealth for much of my time….for now…..I know the various iterations of Christian served their purpose, even if they were akin to those interminable dinner guests who cannot take the hint on when to leave and stay on entirely too long. But they’ve been released, mentally, psychically, emotionally, and physically. When did I first feel truly powerful? My egg began its final cracking in 2018 and in 2019 I still tried to shove it down…..again….but in August 2020 it was total Humpty Dumpty…there was no putting me back together. It broke around 3:00 am in mid-August, and at that precise moment my nervous system exploded and I felt a power, a meaning, a value…things I never had experienced before.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
Get Over It!!….that was my fallback for too many years. But I would like to say to my younger self, whether ages 5 or 11, teens, twenties, and even thirties, I would tell myself “I know it’s awful just now, and I know you really are alone with no road map, but It all will work out. Maybe not as much or as broadly as you might wish, but you will not fail, you will not be left on the scrap heap of ‘maybe’.” I’m learning, or perhaps realizing, the things (the not-so-broad successes”) that I have missed during those decades and while that is sad to me, I am much happier that some level of success did happen. It was not a waste of my time.

Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. Is the public version of you the real you?
I think so. I know it can be unattractive at times and may cut down on the number of cocktail or dinner parties to which one may be invited, but I don’t have a private/public shift. It is what it is. It is not a sought-after quality in leadership, and I’m trying to learn how to temper it ever so slightly, but I feel we are in difficult times on so many fronts and we don’t have time to play by the old-boy handshake rules of measured politeness. We have to move now. I’m never unkind…oh dear, I hear many howls of derision and disagreement on that one; but I go the full monty, as it were, in getting the task done. I don’t agree to disagree. That’s bollocks. We’re going to disagree, it’s our nature, but we have to gulp every so often and go with a plan that may not be our choice but it will have the strongest impact on the widest scope.

Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. What will you regret not doing? 
Not having the nerve to live my authentic self and transition in my 20s-30s. The battle of the Christians held me back for years in countless ways, losing friends, partners, and hope also preventing me from moving forward. Being alone, not knowing my people, having few people to whom I felt connected or trusted made this all but impossible during my salad days. I was just trying to keep moving forward, however I could, even if it was only inches at a time. Half of the time it felt I was trying to end it, the other half I was resuscitating this shell with the unfounded belief that it would all work out. I know I make this sound so dire, but even during those awful times, there would be moments where I could inhale and realize that a particular moment(s) was valuable and needed to be remembered. I have found the transition process has unlocked so many memories of all varieties. My last year in California, my year after grad school…1990-91…my first professional job went stiff kittens because the organization went bankrupt, so I quickly picked up a job working at Los Angeles County Museum of Art. I knew I was surrounded by beauty and magic, and it beat so many other emergency job options. So of course, memories of the artworks, but I recall two, one-off dates with women I met when working there, Carmen and Veronica. Both were gorgeous Latinas and I was lost in my head with my infatuation for them. One needed a partner who would be a stable, successful and generous provider, the other was a single mum and had a ‘kind-of-boyfriend’, but being in my head as I was, I guess she figured ‘kind-of-boyfriend’ was a safer and steadier bet. Right before I left that job I was friends with a cool, somewhat nerdy hipster and we bonded over conversations on the Smiley Smile and Wild Honey albums by the Beach Boys. Excited conversations….and all these years later, as Samantha faces the world I realize how special those dates with Carmen and Veronica really were, even though they passed on me. I recalled the mornings following those dates were breezy, clear, and cool, and you could see across the Los Angeles Basin and I knew something important had occurred. And for my hipster friend….I could not have anticipated I would write a book on Brian Wilson and those albums would keep me modestly grounded as I moved to the upper midwest.

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