An Inspired Chat with Thomas Kevin Kekoa Dolan-Ma of Honolulu

Thomas Kevin Kekoa Dolan-Ma shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Good morning Thomas Kevin Kekoa, it’s such a great way to kick off the day – I think our readers will love hearing your stories, experiences and about how you think about life and work. Let’s jump right in? Have you stood up for someone when it cost you something?
I have. But the one that changed me most was standing up for myself.

I said no. Not in anger, but in truth.
No to a family member entangled in addiction.
No to the cycle of rescuing, fixing, enabling, and erasing myself in the process.

That “no” cost me the relationship. It cost me the illusion of being the peacemaker. It cost me the comfort of familiar dysfunction. And yet, it gave me something far greater—my self-respect.

Saying no wasn’t easy. It felt like betraying blood. It brought waves of guilt, grief, and second-guessing. I wrestled with the old voices that told me love meant sacrifice, even if that sacrifice was my own well-being.

But here’s the truth I’ve come to learn:
A boundary is not a wall. It is a doorway to peace. It honors both the other person’s path and my own. It says, “I will not abandon myself to prove my love for you.”

What I’ve gained is quiet. Not silence—the kind of quiet that lives in my chest. Peace that comes from alignment. A heart that no longer feels like it’s betraying itself.

Standing up for myself has taught me this: real love is not about losing yourself for another. It’s about standing rooted in your truth and offering love without self-abandonment.

And that has been one of my greatest learnings—the boundary of my heart.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m Thomas Kevin Dolan, a heart-led life coach and the founder of Thomas Kevin Dolan Heart-Led Coaching. I help people reconnect with their essential selves—the part of them that knows their truth, wisdom, and power—by distinguishing it from the social self shaped by others’ expectations. My approach blends heart-centered coaching, intuitive discovery, and practical practices to help clients transform limiting beliefs, navigate emotional challenges, and live authentically.

What makes my work unique is that it’s deeply compassionate, but also unflinchingly real. I guide clients to face fear, shame, and self-doubt without judgment, helping them reclaim their power and embrace a life that truly aligns with their heart. I call this journey Mastering Life’s 18-Inch Journey—the space between head and heart where real transformation happens.

Beyond coaching, I share my story and insights through my podcast, Conversations with Thomas, and my book, Little Fag: A Journey of Self-Acceptance and Healing, both of which explore healing, identity, and living from authenticity. Right now, I’m focused on helping more people discover the freedom that comes from setting boundaries, honoring their hearts, and turning their pain points into personal power.

Okay, so here’s a deep one: Who saw you clearly before you could see yourself?
The person who saw me clearly before I could see myself was an elementary school teacher who became a quiet anchor in my life. I’d grown up accustomed to broken promises—my mom missed my junior high graduation dinner because of “sore teeth,” and I learned to accept unreliability as normal. This teacher noticed me and shared a simple but profound truth: “People will be drawn to you if they know you keep your promises. But you have to keep your promises to yourself first.”

For the first time, someone recognized the potential in me to be trustworthy and consistent—not because I was perfect, but because I could learn to honour myself. That lesson stayed with me and became the foundation for my work as a heart-centered coach: helping people reconnect with their own truth, honour themselves, and show up authentically in the world. Every time I keep a promise to myself or to someone else, I remember his wisdom and the way he saw me when I couldn’t yet see it myself.

What fear has held you back the most in your life?
The fear that held me back the most in my life was the fear of being seen for who I truly was—being openly gay in a world that offered little acceptance. For years, I hid behind sports, a heteronormative marriage, and a mask of “normalcy,” convinced that showing my authentic self would cost me love, safety, and belonging.

Coming out was terrifying. It cost me friendships, the woman I loved most, and the world I thought I knew. And yet, it was also the pivotal moment that saved my life. The real fear I had to face wasn’t the world’s judgment—it was my own self-hatred, the shame I carried for simply being me.

The breakthrough came when I stopped resisting the parts of me I had long deemed unacceptable—my sensitivity, compassion, vulnerability—and even embraced the word that once hurt me, saying, “Yup, I’m a fag.” In doing so, I reclaimed my power, my voice, and my joy. That fear, once paralyzing, ultimately became the gateway to living authentically, fully, and with love—for myself and for others.

Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. What would your closest friends say really matters to you?
My closest friends would say that what really matters to me is authenticity, connection, and courage. I care deeply about living in alignment with my heart—honouring truth, showing up fully, and helping others do the same. They’d also say I value compassion without compromise: standing for love and kindness, even when it’s uncomfortable, and encouraging those I care about to reclaim their own power and self-respect. Ultimately, I think they’d say I care most about helping people—and myself—live honestly, vulnerably, and with heart.

Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: What do you understand deeply that most people don’t?
What I understand deeply—though many don’t—is that life isn’t measured by the material curve: the accumulation of things, status, or achievements. Those things can bring comfort, even a fleeting sense of success, but they rarely satisfy the deeper hunger of the heart. What truly matters is living on the wisdom curve: growing in self-awareness, emotional depth, compassion, and clarity of purpose.

I’ve learned that the people who thrive—and the lives that endure with meaning—are those who invest in inner growth, who honour their feelings, their values, and their connections, even when it costs them in the short term. True wealth is the courage to know yourself, to live with integrity, and to let your heart lead.

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