Jay Janicki on Life, Lessons & Legacy

Jay Janicki shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Hi Jay, thank you so much for joining us today. We’re thrilled to learn more about your journey, values and what you are currently working on. Let’s start with an ice breaker: What makes you lose track of time—and find yourself again?
Something I’ve come back to in recent years has been playing music – it was something I put down for almost 14 years. I needed a distraction from the election night last year, so I picked up my bass for the first time in eons and played for hours. I have not put it down since. Playing the bass for me has turned into such a creative, cathartic outlet for me when I’m feeling my feelings – I get lost in it. The ADHD time blindness kicks in and I can lose track of time, but playing bass is something that always grounds me and brings me back to exactly who I am and what brings me joy.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Jay Janicki and I am a very loud and proud nonbinary lesbian! I am a licensed professional counselor, private practice founder, and nonprofit co-founder.

At Better Minds Counseling & Services, I am the ADHD Screening/Evaluation Provider, Group Therapy Lead, and Licensed Professional Counselor. I am the founder of my private practice, Janicki Holistic Healing, which was my dream since I was a child. I see clients for 1:1 coaching, individual or couples therapy.

I have also co-founded the nonprofit organization True Colors Collective, an organization aimed at supporting queer/trans folx throughout Bucks/Montgomery County/Greater Philadelphia area.

I am licensed in the states of Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina will be coming along shortly. I specialize in narcissistic abuse, ADHD/neurodiversity, chronic pain/chronic illness, and LGBTQIA+ related stressors.

Okay, so here’s a deep one: What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
Growing up, I was frequently referred to as “too loud”, “too sensitive”, “too emotional”, which ultimately translated into me believing “I’m too much”. These were all parts of myself that throughout my adolescence and into my late twenties, I whole heartedly believed and hated about myself.
As a young kid, I hated my softness and sensitivity. I saw it as a weakness. Throughout my career of being a therapist, I’ve come to realize that my softness, my “too emotional” being was exactly what was going to make me “good” at this.

Something clicked for me when I turned 30 – I’m not sure what. My assumption? I just got so exhausted from caring so much about everyone’s opinions, everyone else meeting these “milestones” I thought I should be meeting, resenting lives I wish I had instead of enjoying my own. I very much enjoy my own life today and celebrate others.

Today, I embrace my softness. I embrace the tears, regardless of it’s happy, sad, or just overwhelmed. My “too loud” is my authenticity – and I cherish that today. I let a lot of people throughout my life convince me that all of the authentic parts of me were “wrong”, and I’ve spent my 30s so far reminding younger me that all of those parts are welcomed, wanted, and celebrated.

When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
Sheeeeesh, what a question. I hid my pain for a really long time because I thought everyone else’s pain and challenges were “worse” than my own. I grew up with two parents who were (and still are) chronically ill and being the oldest child left me feeling that I needed to hold my shit together for everyone else. No one asked that of me, but I expected it of myself. I was always an emotional person, but there was a lot I kept bottled up because I thought everyone’s struggles were somehow more important than my own.

I’ve experienced “chronic trauma” as my old therapist called it – I wore it like a badge and couldn’t see who I was outside of that. It was like I had blinders on to everything outside of my own pain and trauma. When I became a therapist, I had the realization that I could use my lived experience to help others, I just wasn’t sure how to channel it in the beginning. I experienced a lot in the first 5 years of my career and throughout all of those experiences, the pain suddenly started to transform into purpose. Around my 3rd year in the field, I experienced a very traumatic falling out at a prior job that left me feeling broken and useless. I almost left the field entirely. I was going to throw it all away.

What prompted me to take all of that pain and suffering and turn it into something powerful was my supervisor, Brittany Webb, prompting me to find a niche within the field. I changed my mind at least fifteen times and chose to land on the realm of narcissistic abuse. It was so real and present for me at the time and I chose to start practicing group therapy at Better Minds as a space to process these types of dynamics. I was stunned – so many people showed up. People FILLED the groups. This, in my opinion, was everything I needed to turn my pain into not only a purpose, but a sense of empowerment. It has become my mission to create spaces for survivors of narcissistic abuse to come, process, feel seen, heard, loved, and understood.

Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? Whom do you admire for their character, not their power?
This is such an easy one for me – my mom, Sharon. I know, I’m biased. One thing about my mom is that she is the kindest, most generous and authentic person I know. She taught me everything I know about feelings, my softness and tenderness. My mom led by example by always leading with kindness first. Did she have power as my mom? Sure. That doesn’t change the amount of respect, love, and admiration I have for her.

She has been a calming force for many people, including myself. She has always been the guiding light. My mom was not only mine, but also everyone’s mom. We say that as a joke in our family, but it is so incredibly true. She supported all of my friends growing up and was always a good listening ear. I learned all of that from her.

What I admire about her the most is not only her kindness and authenticity, but her resilience. I talk a lot of shit about resilience, and how we “shouldn’t have to be”, but she is a textbook example. My mom is someone who went through hell and back a thousand times and never lost sight of who she was at her core. She never lost her shine, her hope, her kindness. She always remained soft. These are all of the things that she has taught me to love about myself. Admiration doesn’t even cover it when it comes to Sharon Janicki, lemme tell ya!

Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: Are you tap dancing to work? Have you been that level of excited at any point in your career? If so, please tell us about those days. 
There’s been so many exciting moments of my career that it’s hard to narrow it down. It happens in waves – I’ll have a breakthrough moment with a client I’ve been seeing for 5 years and it’s beautiful. I’ve had consultation calls where we just click instantly, the rapport is strong from jump. When you match the right therapist to the client, magic happens in the therapy space. The small victories, the big victories, the strength and beauty I see in all of my clients brings me so much joy.

I’d also say that the days that I get to run group therapy are my favorite days of the work week. There’s something so powerful about a bunch of strangers turning into a community, and a community that knows things about one another. I love watching group members relate to one another and feel seen for the first time. I love the moments in my therapy groups where people get to celebrate one another, help one another, make each other laugh. It’s lightening in a bottle. The best part of my job is creating a safe, sacred space where people get to be known and be their authentic selves. I tap dance while I’m running group and someone is sharing an empowering moment – and that happens at least 4 times a week, 2 days a week!

One last highlight worth mentioning was throwing the first queer pride in Quakertown, PA back in 2022. A former colleague and I put that together in 3 weeks and made history. It was a really pivotal moment in my career and it also made me realize I wanted to get involved in the queer nonprofit world.

I am tap dancing at baseline. I love my job, I love my clients, I love my groups. While being a therapist can be challenging, it’s always an honor and a privilege to walk beside someone as they grow into their most authentic self.

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Better Minds Counseling & Services

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