Kim Kendall-De Silva’s Stories, Lessons & Insights

We recently had the chance to connect with Kim Kendall-De Silva and have shared our conversation below.

Kim, really appreciate you sharing your stories and insights with us. The world would have so much more understanding and empathy if we all were a bit more open about our stories and how they have helped shaped our journey and worldview. Let’s jump in with a fun one: What is something outside of work that is bringing you joy lately?
Reading historical cozy mysteries – think Agatha Christie or Rhys Bowen

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I help unhappily married women enjoy being married again.
You know how it goes… in the beginning, there are flirty glances, late-night talks, spontaneous dates. But over time, the spark fades – the romance, the affection, even the simple fun of being together. What happened? It’s not that the love is gone but somewhere along the way, the small touches and intentional moments slipped away, and she’s left feeling more like a roommate than a wife.

I started mentoring because I’m fascinated by the way little daily patterns shape the atmosphere of a marriage. My own relationship has been steady and (mostly) joy-filled for over two decades, but I’ve always paid attention to what’s going on around me. I’ve watched brilliant women go from feeling adored to feeling invisible. The love didn’t disappear; it’s just that no one shows us how much the little things matter. The small daily choices. The moments of touch, or laughter, or actually being present. The split-second decision to let something go rather than hold it in and allow resentment to build.

That’s what I focus on now in my one-on-one mentorship, Roommates to Soulmates. I don’t come with formulas or therapy sessions. There are no dramatic overhauls, I’m not “fixing” women – just helping them notice and change the tiny things that make marriage feel alive again. Once they start making those changes, it’s like the spark sneaks back in, and suddenly they feel chosen again.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?
Before the world told me who I had to be, I was imaginative and endlessly curious. I’d lose myself in books, play dress-up for hours, and dream up stories that went on forever. But somewhere along the way, the focus shifted. It stopped being about what lit me up, and it became about what was practical, safe, and “allowed.”
I grew up surrounded by people who wanted the best for me, but it was their version of best – take the stable path, don’t rock the boat, stay protected. So I followed paths that made sense on paper, not the ones that felt true to me. And in the process, I started to believe that I needed permission, that validation from others was the green light I had to wait for.
It’s taken me a long time to unlearn that. To realize that the only validation I really need is my own. That I can do work that doesn’t come with certificates or awards but still has weight, truth, and impact. That’s what mentoring women in their marriages has become for me. It’s not the neat little box I once thought I had to fit in — but it’s the work I know I’m called to do. And I’m learning not to shy away from it.

What fear has held you back the most in your life?
The fear that’s held me back the most is stepping outside of what feels safe. For me, that’s shown up in two ways: professionally and personally. Professionally, it’s looked like worrying what people will think if I step out of the box, put myself out there, and say out loud the things I believe about marriage and connection. Personally, it’s shown up in the fear of being fully vulnerable in my closest relationships. But true intimacy requires openness, and that’s terrifying when safety feels so much more comfortable.
I remember one of the first times I was interviewed live on Facebook. I saw people from my everyday life – friends, family, acquaintances – popping into the chat, and I froze. For a split second I thought about making an excuse and ending it. But I didn’t. I pushed through the fear, my voice literally trembling, and kept going. Months later, I found out one of those people made a huge shift in her marriage because of what I shared that day. That moment taught fear is always going to show up, but if I only ever choose safety, I’ll miss the impact I’m called to make.
And I think that connects deeply to marriage too. So many women feel the fear of being vulnerable with their spouse; the fear of asking for more; the fear of being disappointed; the fear of not being enough. But true love, true connection, comes through that openness. It’s scary, but it’s also where the magic happens.

So a lot of these questions go deep, but if you are open to it, we’ve got a few more questions that we’d love to get your take on. What are the biggest lies your industry tells itself?
One of the biggest lies is that a spouse should meet our every need. It sounds romantic — “he’s my everything” — but it’s unfair, unrealistic, and it sets us up for disappointment. No one person can be your whole village.
If you’re faith-based, you know that only God can meet your every need. But even outside of that, humans were never designed to live in isolation. We’ve lost the sense of community. Now, we expect one person to carry it all – to be our best friend, our co-parent, our therapist, our accountability partner, our adventure buddy, our spiritual twin, our constant cheerleader. It’s too much for one human.
Our spouse is meant to be our partner, the one we share values with, raise kids with, lean on in storms, laugh with, and build love, trust, and respect with. But he doesn’t need to share every hobby, read the same books, or walk the exact same path.
We can have our own joys, our own friends, our own outlets, and still come back together to share the deepest parts of ourselves.
Your husband doesn’t have to be your everything to be your person. And when you release him from that impossible standard, you open up more space for joy, curiosity, and intimacy — the things that actually make marriage feel alive again.

Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: What will you regret not doing? 
I think the biggest regret would be if I didn’t use my voice… if I stayed safe, stayed quiet, and let the work I feel called to do slip by because of fear. I’d regret not reaching for the women who are quietly hurting in their marriages, the ones who feel more like roommates than soulmates, and showing them that things don’t have to stay that way.
I’ve seen too many women live in disappointment, telling themselves, “This is just how marriage goes.” And I know what a waste that is – of love, of joy, of life. If I don’t keep creating spaces where women can rediscover affection, laughter, and intimacy again, that would feel like a true regret.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimkendesilva
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kimkdesilva/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@kimkendesilva