Meet Abi Stegman

We recently connected with Abi Stegman and have shared our conversation below.

Abi , sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.

My life has revolved around my struggles with my mental health for as long as I can remember. I have known about the problems surrounding my anxiety and depression my entire life, I just never had a set name for them. My parents used to call it the “Sunday blues” because every Sunday before school, I would make myself sick over the thought of even leaving the house to go. Not that anything was wrong with school itself, I just couldn’t even stomach the thought of doing it. I would become so distraught I would physically get the sweats, throw up and get dizzy, fully believing I had a fever that would prevent me from going to class the next day. This would happen week after week, and my parents caught on. They took me to countless doctors appointments, each professional came to the same conclusion. A profound mental turmoil. An imbalance of chemicals in my brain that couldn’t be answered by ice cream or my favorite movie. I had anxiety and depression. I came up with little ticks to help pass the time of class until I could finally be in my safe space. I would pick at the ends of erasers, count the ceiling tiles, sketch in my notebook, anything to pass the time. But eventually I couldn’t skip school on Monday’s anymore. I had to push through. From there on out, I began to see a pattern of this in my life. With new challenges, came a sense of nausea. A dread I, myself, couldn’t even explain. It became so visceral that everything good in my life was suddenly blocked out by this ominous dark cloud over my head. My light was being dimmed. Something always went wrong. It felt as if the world was against me, and everyone else was in on it. My parents helped immensely, guiding me every step of the way even in the most simple situations. But, it was something I learned to deal with, I had good friends. a good family. Im smart and my high school implied that meant college was my only option. Nothing else was encouraged, beauty school didn’t even feel like an option. So I applied to schools, but I never felt a passion for it. Like I said, I was smart. I passed my classes and got through what I needed to to graduate. I did what I had to do. But there was always something looming. But still, I went. I enrolled in Kent State University in 2019. The second my parents dropped me off, my Sunday Blues was back and stronger than ever. I couldn’t get myself out of bed let alone attend class. I would sit in the dark, staring at the wall for hours. Imagine your worst nauseous stomach bug and times it by ten. It was happening every second of every day. I was exhausted. But this wasn’t my usual melancholy feeling. This was a feeling of misplacement deep in my gut. I knew myself enough to know this was not where I was meant to be. I remember sitting down with my best friend and my roommate at the time, Jenna, and telling her, ‘I feel absolutely nothing. There isn’t even a sadness. Just nothing.’ She told me in that moment that we needed to do something. I took my mental health into my own hands. I upped my medication. I went to therapy. I talked to friends and family. I took care of myself. At the end of it all, I knew this wasn’t where I was meant to be. It wasn’t something I could explain, But it was something I knew I had to do. I started to investigate cosmetology as a serious career, not just a passing daydream. I read pages and pages, watched countless videos and studied cosmetology schools like it was my day job. In December 2019 I decided not to go back to college after winter break and pursue cosmetology school. It felt like a 10,000 pound weight had been lifted from my entire being. I could finally breathe again. I took my life into my own hands and did what I needed to do to survive. And I wouldn’t take one thing back.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

My motto in this career and my life in general is be kind. I know how it all feels. And I can empathize with that. With my story, you can see that I have immense empathy for everyone I come in contact with. You truly never know what your neighbor is going through. My absolute favorite thing about my job is the people. People from all different backgrounds sit in my chair every single day and I love it more than they know. I hear about their lives. Their children, spouses, friends, and families like I know them personally. I hear about their adventures, their losses, their promotions, weddings, vacations, drama and struggles and they become my friends. I see these people more often than I see some family members and that alone means a lot to me. I love to see the smiles on my clients faces when we are finished with their hair. I get an overwhelming sense of joy from their reactions that cannot be replaced by anything. I am a blonding specialist in a small town, home salon with only 5 stylists. Every client that comes through our door becomes family and I love that part of my job. As an educated blonding specialist in a town like ours, I have the extreme privilege to show people hair they have never seen before or never thought they could have themselves. I was and still am an artist in a lot of ways. I was immensely involved in art through school and this is my own form of art now. Growing my business, my clientele and my education is constantly a mission for me. But the thing I strive for, is comfort. Comfort for me and my client. I want you, the client, to feel at home in my chair. Anyone of any ethnicity, class, weight, sexuality, political beliefs, religious beliefs, and so much more that can’t even fit in this interview, is welcome in my chair. This is my happy place. And I want it to be theirs too.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

I think keeping an open mind is extremely important in our industry especially. If I had to narrow it down to three, I would have to say; perfectionism, acceptance and the ability to grow. This sounds broad, I know. But in our industry, or any growing industry, it is quite simple. Strive for the best you can be.
Perfection. Shoot for the stars. Do your absolute best and don’t cut corners. As long as you and your client are on the same page, take all of the risks and aim to be the absolute best.
Acceptance. As I said, shoot for the stars. If you miss you’ll land on the moon. If you put your work in and try your hardest, the client will be able to see that. It won’t matter in the end if you got your level 10 blonde, it will matter that you tried and you didn’t hurt them in the run. That will make it worth the while.
Learn. This, as are most industries, is a growing game. It is changing every single day and if you don’t swim, you will drown. Constantly educate yourself. Promote yourself. You will never know everything. The sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you will succeed.

As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?

I love this question. I am an avid reader and cannot get enough books on my plate. One of my favorite books of all time is A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. This is an extremely depressing novel about a man named Jude who was abused almost his entire life but still continued to be kind. I know a lot of people who have read this book and have not felt as moved as I did, but I guess that is just how it works sometimes. This book means so much to me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because Jude is my role model. At the end of the novel, Harold, Judes adoptive father, says “And so I try to be kind to everything I see, and in everything I see, I see him.” This resonates to me on such a deep level and I cary it with me through every day.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://mysite.vagaro.com/salonrena
• Instagram: styledbyabisteg
• Facebook: abistegman

Image Credits

@styledbyabisteg