We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Abigail Spanjers. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Abigail below.
Abigail, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
My life up until 40 was a whirlwind of chaos, oblivion and intense uncontrolled emotion. I had the childhood poverty, abuse and trauma history. I had the history of substance use starting at nine. I had all the reasons to be maladapted. I moved out at 15, was incarcerated by 18 and switched to IV drug use at 20. My relationships were fraught with abuse, I had unrelenting mood swings, and I spent most of my time disconnected or ruled by unpredictable intense emotions. I felt I had every excuse to live in victimhood and fail to thrive. I tried psychiatric medications, therapy, detox, rehab, relocation and nothing stuck. I burned bridges, betrayed trust and gave up hope that life could be different for me.
Then I got tired. It took decades but I finally started to see what my future would be. I was in a relationship that I wasn’t sure I would survive, and I wanted a future. It started with awareness, noticing changes in my body and how I felt before my mental health escalated. I noticed patterns and sensitivities then explored ways to navigate that holistically. I grew strong and a couple months before my 40th birthday in 2016, I got sober. It took another 5 years but in early 2021 I was finally able to break free of the person I was sure would intimately end my life.
The healing started fast, I practiced mindfulness, meditation and used sound therapies to regulate myself. I learned about Peer Support and became certified that same year. I researched epigenetics and neuroplasticity to better understand myself. Opportunities opened up in a way I never could have imagined. The closer I got to finding my purpose, the more stabilized I became.
In 2022 I became the Executive Director and The La Crosse Lighthouse, Inc. We have a Peer Run Respite and Warmline for individuals struggling with mental health and/or related substance use challenges. We provide 1-7 night stays where people can explore alternatives to hospitalization and connect mutually with others that have lived through similar experiences. My work reflects what I would have needed. A place to be seen and heard and an opportunity to talk about what wellness can look like. A space where we can break cycles and share different pathways.
I’m now better able to handle the mental health waves. I can see them coming and have learned how to care for myself during those times. It takes work and there are moments I wish my circumstances were different, but I love my life now. I can look back and laugh at some of my unusual beliefs or the way my reality doesn’t align with what other people are experiencing. I’m in a better place to accept that sometimes I don’t know what’s going on and that what I think is happening isn’t really happening. I spend less time making choices from a space of reactivity and avoidance. I am effective at my job and able to manage my mental health effectively to avoid life disruption.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
When I stepped into the Executive Director role at The La Crosse Lighthouse, Inc., I saw an opportunity to offer a unique support and restructure the organization to create equity. The respite model itself is underrepresented in many states. It’s a small homelike environment without clinical supports. A place outside of systems, where we don’t assess, or diagnose and guests can speak freely and openly without fear of invasive action. Our lived experiences are our qualifications, and our education can’t be gained from reading a book. My ability to successfully run the organization without a formal education is a testament to the skills many of us already possess and our capacity to learn what is necessary.
As a 501C3 Nonprofit, we are governed by a Board of Directors, and I was fortunate that they were willing to work with my vision and allow us to create a more organic workspace. I had very little power in my earlier work history and this position allowed me to implement a new way of doing things. Ultimately, I eliminated all other management positions and outsourced what was needed at a much lower cost. I lessened the wage gap between myself and the staff, providing wage increases with additional job expectations that would capitalize on the skillsets each staff member already possessed, balanced with the needs of the organization. All of this was done as team with consensus as we feel it’s important to be fully transparent in operations and finances.
As the landscape for grants and funding opportunities changes, we don’t know what the future has in store for The La Crosse Lighthouse. We, like many other nonprofits, are facing sustainability challenges that may impact our ability to continue our work. What we do know is that we are not willing to compromise our values, and we would rather see it end than become another systems-based support.
I periodically do presentations on creating equity and reevaluating the pay gap with administrative and program related positions. My goal is to allow organizations a space to question the why’s of pay inequity and look at the value of contributions and informal education in a different way.
Additionally, I’ve begun some outside contract work to support other like-minded individuals and organizations. My next goal is to create my own LLC for consulting and training in the areas of peer work, fidelity and organizational structure.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Self-reflection: It can be ugly. It can be hard. It was the first step out of victimhood and into accountability for me.
2. Mindfulness: This is the key for keeping me grounded and present.
2. Radical acceptance: This is an ongoing practice for me, and it allows for a different level of understanding.
There are many ways to achieve wellness, and wellness looks different for everyone. For some of us it’s traditional benchmarks and for others it’s making it out of bed to take a shower. I started with self-awareness and when I met myself with curiosity instead of judgement, my life truly started changing course. I also have to credit my love of cats. When I struggle to find reason or am overwhelmed by responsibility, these tiny free spirits inspire awe.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
I take great care to notice that I’m becoming overwhelmed before it has a chance to take me over. My routine consists of noticing, pausing, reflecting, breathing and letting go. I’m prone to rumination and dissociation so it’s important for me to find a distraction or an alternative thought if I’m not in the space to go through the steps. This allows me the opportunity to regulate before I take a look at the cause.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.lacrosselighthouse.org/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheLaCrosseLighthouse/
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