We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Aiden Ellis. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Aiden below.
Hi Aiden, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
My dad was stationed at Ft. Benning, GA with the U.S. ARMY, but all our family lived in north-central Indiana. Every summer we would go home to Indiana and visit aunts and uncles and grandparents. We would stay with my Grandpa Larry whenever we visited. Grandpa Larry only wore shirts with pockets so he could carry his cigarettes with him easily and had a constant burning cigarette in the corner of his mouth. When he finished it, he would light another. He had a huge belly laugh that would fill a room quicker than the odor from his ever-burning cigarettes. Grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer in the early 1990’s.
During the summer of 1997 the cancer that Grandpa Larry had been living with spread to the point where no further treatment options existed. This summer trip home to Indiana that year was understood to be our opportunity to say goodbye to Grandpa Larry. We pulled into our hometown of Peru, IN and made our way to Dukes Memorial Hospital where grandpa was spending his final days.
I vividly remember stepping off the elevator into the unit that housed my Grandpa Larry. I could hear a man moaning and crying. The distressed cries got louder as I approached the room that my Grandpa Larry was in. It still never occurred to me that those sounds were coming from my Grandpa Larry, a strong man that never cried. A jovial man that lived to laugh and make others laugh. When I walked through the threshold of his room, I saw all my aunts and uncles surrounding a bed that contained a small, bald, yellow man who was crying out for help saying he couldn’t breathe. He was trying to sit up, but he was too weak, so he appeared to be doing crunches in the bed. He was hurting. He was stressed. He was scared. He was suffering. He was my Grandpa Larry.
Next, I remember my mom crying. I remember people yelling. My dad, an RN, pressed the call light and demanded that the nurse come immediately to medicate my Grandpa Larry. I remember family members saying they did not want Grandpa Larry “doped up”. I remember my dad saying, “How could you let him suffer?” Then my dad’s parents came to pick my sister and me up.
A few hours later, my sister and I were allowed to come back to Grandpa Larry’s room. He was peacefully sleeping in the hospital bed. My dad and mom were at his bedside reading and watching TV. The room was peaceful and quiet. I sat down next to my dad and started to cry. I asked him what happened and why Grandpa Larry looked the way he did earlier and how long he had looked that way. My dad told me that people have a hard time letting go of things they love and sometimes squeezing tightly to something that is trying to leave causes damage to the thing we are trying to protect. He told me that what we witnessed was Grandpa Larry being squeezed too tightly by those that love him and what we are witnessing now is the result of letting go.
Experiencing the level of panic, helplessness, and terror of watching Grandpa Larry’s suffering left an indelible mark on me. I felt as though I had been unexpectedly pushed off a high cliff from behind and like Tom Petty, I was free-falling with nothing but the fast-approaching rocks below to stop my fall. But now the same room that was a medieval torture chamber felt like a quiet, safe place meant for taking naps. That was the moment I knew that I wanted to bring the peace of letting go to people that were squeezing too tightly to what they loved. I knew I wanted to help stop unnecessary suffering.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
My name is Aiden Ellis, and I am Death Daddy. Death Daddy is the love child of a hospice nursing career and the personal experience of losing my dad to colon cancer. The mission of Death Daddy is to reduce unnecessary suffering. I want to believe that no caregiver intends to cause harm to the person they care for. I believe that it is a lack of knowledge, not ability that causes harm to patients receiving care at home from friends and family. It is well documented that hospitals are discharging patients to home care that are still very sick or debilitated. Family members and friends are then expected to deliver complicated care to a patient with no understanding the disease process and minimal training on how to complete the tasks required to care for the patient. Healthcare is setting you up to fail! It is time to put the power of knowledge in the hands of home caregivers. My patient care seminars will educate and empower home caregivers to reduce patient rehospitalization rates, prevent bed sores, and increase quality of life for chronically and terminally ill patients.
I have created a luxury line of skincare for bedbound patients or patients with special skin care needs due to medications, disease processes or medical devices. Death Daddy’s Booty Butter is the ultimate solution for dry, itchy skin and the perfect gift for your loved ones this holiday season. My specially formulated Booty Butter is designed to cater to the unique needs of bedbound individuals, providing unparalleled relief and comfort. Harnessing the power of raw, unrefined shea butter and Doterra essential oils, Booty Butter deeply hydrates and nourishes the skin, leaving it feeling soft, protected and smelling amazing. No more discomfort or irritation caused by dryness. This versatile product is also highly effective for those struggling with eczema, psoriasis, sunburns or new tattoos, providing soothing relief and promoting healthier skin. I also make a lip balm called Death Daddy’s Mouthbreather. It is best petroleum-free, all-natural lip balm for those who care about what they put on their lips. Petroleum-free lip balm is very important for people who wear oxygen. Petroleum and oxygen combine to cause severe facial burns when combined.
I also host a podcast called Death Daddy’s Graveyard Shift, available on Spotify, Google, Amazon, Castbox, Audible, iHeart Radio. On the show we talk about all thing’s death and grief. I interview people about death from their perspective. I interview the dying. I also interview experts about processing grief and coping with stress and loss. I interview funeral directors, healthcare professionals, psychics, paranormal investigators, organizers, attorneys, religious figures, etc. I provide education and caregiving tips.
I also provide grief coaching and caregiver social groups. Most aspects are focused more on creating healthy, empowered caregivers so we can have better, safer patient outcomes.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
My time as a hospice nurse allowed me to see directly what little support is actually available to familial caregivers. It is the most stressful and important role we can take on. With the appropriate selfcare, coping, and patient care skills it can be a time of intimate moments that you will cherish long after your loved one has died. Without these vital skills, caregiving can cause dysfunction in relationships due to guilt, anxiety, isolation and burn out. I am able to apply my skill set as a nurse to provide therapeutic education and support to caregivers, helping to improve the quality of life for my caregivers.
My experience as a hospice RN has been helpful, but ultimately it was my experience as a familial caregiver that has had the most impact on my journey. I had been an RN for many years when my father passed away, but dealing with dad’s diagnosis, treatments, hospitalizations and death from the patient/family side of medicine was a completely different and terrifying view of the healthcare machine I thought I knew so well. I became much more empathetic to the frustration, fear, and helplessness that comes along with being a familial caregiver.
Follow-through. My third superpower is follow-through, and it is universally the best skill folks can develop or improve on in any journey of life. It is not enough to have a great idea for a business, you have to follow through with your plans and commitments to flesh out a successful venture. You can’t make commitments in life and not follow through if you expect a positive outcome.
Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?
I have surrounded myself with a community of entrepreneurs that encourages me to keep moving forward. They serve as a sounding board for both my frustrations and my business ideas and provide me great feedback and networking connections. It is always helpful to have people around that can understand the hardships and blessings of being an entrepreneur.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.deathdaddy.com
- Instagram: thedeathdaddy
- Facebook: Death Daddy
- Other: TikTok: thedeathdaddy706
