We were lucky to catch up with Aja Cobbs recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Aja, so excited to have you with us today and we are really interested in hearing your thoughts about how folks can develop their empathy? In our experience, most folks want to be empathetic towards others, but in a world where we are often only surrounded by people who are very similar to us, it can sometimes be a challenge to develop empathy for others who might not be as similar to us. Any thoughts or advice?
We all know that the toughest people come from some of the toughest situations. When I was young I did not always have the stability that I have today. I have accrued empathy, developed a deeper innerstanding, and a sense of compassion for those around me, through my life experiences. P.S I feel like these questions are best answered with stories from my life. I hope you have a little time to read today!!!
As a young girl my story was a bit different from many but seemingly the same as most. I have two older sisters, Ava and Aleesha who were raised in Philadelphia; I’m the oldest of my Mothers three children. For some time I was raised in Philadelphia and later moved to North Carolina. For my story, alone, in the beginning I moved around a lot, or was gracefully uprooted from one household to another. My Mother and Father only wanted the best for me. My parents met in Philadelphia and fell in love! Funny story, my mom just moved to Philly and was looking for a place to work. She was called for an interview after applying to multiple jobs, my dad interviewed her and supposedly he was all “Rico Suave” towards her. My Mother was fishing for a back story on my dad to make sure he was really the catch he presented himself to be and not just Mr. Hungry Eyes. My Grandma Betty helped him out on that end. And, well, let’s say, it was love at first sight. The two have been inseparable for the past 30 years.
While living in Philadelphia my mother found that she was unable to offer me the best life through the Philadelphia daycare system near us. I moved with my Grandma and family in North Carolina. I was reunited with my mother and father a year later in Philly. If there was ever a time where my parents needed time to gather their footing, my Grandmother, Barbara, would take me in and care for me. She and I spent a lot of time together. Through this time with her is where my empathy was nurtured. Looking back, it seemed like It was meant to be that I viewed life through the lenses of a humble being. I come from very humble beginnings.
There is one event that forced me to develop empathy. My oldest sister, Ava passed away on Valentine’s Day in 2004, at the age of 16. She passed away from one of the first known cases of Spinal Meningitis. Spinal Meningitis is an infection of fluid and membranes around the brain and spinal cord. Once the infection starts, it can spread quickly through the body. Without treatment it can cause brain damage in a matter of hours and can be fatal within 24 hours. Meningitis can be airborne. My father had two children in Philadelphia, Ava and Aleesha before he and my mother met. Ava was the oldest of all five of the girls my dad had.
I remember this being life changing for me because I never truly lost anyone close to me, I was 12 years old. I remember flying to Philly and new reporters fishing for a story. From house to house they hopped, even headed to her high school and memorial services to see what information they could get, probably to inform the public. While all that is understandable, it was traumatizing because we needed time to grieve the loss. I have never seen my family so sad and torn apart. Theonky thing I could think about was that I just talked to her. For me it was surreal. Losing her made me look at life a lot different. I loved a lot differently after witnessing that what is given to you can be taken from you instantly, without warning.I learned to embrace and love those around me because we never know the time nor the hour. It was a big wake up call for me.
Lastly,amongst all of the other jobs I’ve had, this one in particular changed my life forever. I had the amazing opportunity to work at a treatment facility alongside my Mother, Catherine Cobbs who is a Social Worker and Masters level therapist. The young women ranged from ages 12-18. These young women stayed at the treatment center for months to receive the life tools from their therapist, staff, and if they had it, their families. Many of the young women that are admitted to this treatment center have been victims child abuse, neglect, drug abuse due to their parents forcing them to take them, sex trafficking, and many other heart breaking conditions. The conditions that they were under lead them to self-harm, trying to unalive themselves and/or others, negative thought processes and processing, and cognitive distortion. Cognitive distortion is an exaggerated or irrational thought process and pattern in the onset or perpetuation of psychopathological states, like depression and anxiety. All in all, cognitive distortions are thoughts that cause one to perceive reality inaccurately. This is why taking mental health seriously is so important, in ALL communities.
Through working at the treatment facility, I was able to continue to expand my mind as well as emotional intelligence towards different people and their unique situations. Each person’s life’s trauma is delicate and should be handled with care. “Care” looks different for each situation. The kids taught me so much. I loved sharing stories with them and hanging out. Shoutout to all my girls that I worked with at GCTC! You all are beyond smart and have a big life ahead of you. You all taught me so much and I hope that we can always maintain a friendship! Shoutout to all the kids in foster care, in the system, or trying to get to a safer place. My heart is ALWAYS with you! We do see you! <3 If you are a creative kid, please seek opportunities through The Art Trap House. We would love to help align you for success and offer you the support you need to excel in your creative journey! We are already so excited to meet you!
The experiences of life have made my heart more pure and my eyes opened in a Godly way, to have more patience with myself and others, practice forgiveness, and understanding. At times the way I understand and empathize with people is scary. Shocking almost. It’s definitely spiritual. I learned that leading in love and with listening ears can truly help out with the simplest relationships in life. Empathy is about feeling, don’t be afraid to feel. Also, being an empathic person is a gift and a curse. You’ll have to pay attention and practice how to use your gift. You have control. Just because you can empathize doesn’t mean you allow anyone to mistreat you!
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Hey Everyone!!
Thank you for tagging along to read more about my story! If you’ve made it this far, you are appreciated. As far as getting to know me, I love creating and problem solving. I love to think of an idea and build on it until it comes to fruition. I am the Founder and C.E.O Of the traveling music and arts festival, The Art Trap House. Trap stands for: T.aking R.eal A.rt P.laces. The Art Trap House acts as a creative hub, a springboard for creatives who are new and seasoned. Our mission is to reach our community with music, art, while providing pivotal opportunities.
The Art Trap House began as an idea in 2016. I thought about this idea often as I painted in my sunroom in my Charlotte, NC apartment. My thought process was that I knew that there were other creatives like me with beaucoup talent but didn’t have a place that honed in on the development of the creative career as well as providing a nourished networking environment. I was inspired by the art of how “trappin’” actually works. I used to cook up art in my sunroom and sell it out the front door or send it in the mail to pay bills. My methods for connecting with my art consumers was to post it on social media, instagram, Facebook, SnapChat, etc…
I work alongside creatives leading up to events, I assist in providing creatives with informative information for social media marketing, resources, and tools to help them present while they are at the Art Trap House event/festival and in their own career. I manage creative careers, assist with artists development when they are speaking during interviews and their overall presentation/development.
Throughout the development of The Art Trap House, we created a traveling music festival, a Majorette and Hip-Hop Dance Team for the Youth called: TATH Dance Crew, The Art Trap House has a podcast The Good Dealer Podcast, the podcast supports creatives and gives them an opportunity to share their stories. The Good Dealer Podcast was once named LIVE From Philly during Covid19 and was changed to, The Good Dealer Podcast due to our Philadelphia host being unable to host from Philly any longer. The Art Trap House is so excited to be introducing Rizz Radio to the scene, we will have a show every Saturday starting in September. We will have a few launch parties for the radio show, New York, Charlotte, and Florida just to name a few! We are so excited and working hard to deliver quality entertainment to you! You will be able to hear the radio show on RhythmAndSoulRadio.com.
I would like to extend a major thank you to New York’s Radio Station, Rhythm and Soul Radio, which is a popular internet radio station and this is also where you can tune in to listen to our new show. Thank you to my friend Shani Thomas of Atlanta, GA for creating the Rizz Radio logo. Thank You Gerantae Boyd of Charlotte, NC for taking my photos for the first release of promo images.I would like to extend a thank you to everyone who has ever supported and invested into The Art Trap House! We are forever grateful for you! We can’t wait to release the new show! We will need your support!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1.I believe you need to have confidence in whatever it is that you’re doing. If you don’t believe in yourself, who else will? Either that, or they believe what you present to them. So be real and be you!
2. You have to have “Grit”. What is Grit you ask? Grit is courage. It shows the strength in your character. Grit is when you show your passion and perseverance. Grit is an important trait because it allows you to exercise your grit and grow even when times get challenging for you. You are resilient!
3. A great quality to have is to be a calm leader who listens. Most leaders lead in a way that is egotistical and loud. The best leaders listen more and have great tools for conflict resolution. For some lederer some qualities are more pronounced than others. It never hurts to work on areas of your leadership so that you are leading your team to victoires/wins and not to the insane asylum! Lead with love!
4. Stay consistent with Prayer, positivity, a positive mindset and have good people around you, people that encourage your growth and dreams.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
When I am overwhelmed I like to use my coping skills. For anxiety, I go for a run, or light candles around the house. If I have the time, I paint, or create something. I also enjoy organizing my space. Sometimes sitting and processing my feelings helps so that I can label the anxiety as what it really is. For example, I might think I’m scared of a new adventure, but instead of being scared, why couldn’t I just be excited instead. I’d much rather be excited for something than scared of it. Your approach to your anxiety could really help you maintain your emotions. Sometimes our minds play tricks on us, just because we think it or feel doesn’t mean it’s always true. Your thoughts do not always ring true. You just have to pay attention to you. Self control is self care. Self care is a practice.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @AjaCobbs @TheArtTrapHouse
- Facebook: Aja Cobbs and The Art Trap House
- Twitter: @AjaTraps
- Youtube: TheArtTrapHouse Tour
Image Credits
Photo credit: Rizz Radio photographer Gerantae Boyd Additional photos by a photographer in Charlotte/ Monroe, NC.
