Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Alexa Babin. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Alexa, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
First of all, it’s worth saying that resilience is built over time. It’s hard-earned — a kind of mental toughness that grows from moments of difficulty. I think some people might be predisposed to be more resilient, but I also fully believe it can be learned and developed over time. And that’s the thing about resilience… it’s very much tied to patience, in my opinion. Patience and the ability to recover quickly; to “bounce back,” as we like to say. So it’s a double-edged sword for me. How can I get up each time I’m knocked down, and how can I continue to do so over a long period of time?
Looking at the big picture of my life, I’d say my resilience comes from a willingness to embrace challenging experiences and prioritizing relationships with people who push me forward.
Take the entertainment industry, for example. I knew I was in for a difficult path trying to build a career in this field. I’ve been freelancing in television production on and off for seven years now, and the number of times I’ve been rejected by a job, company, or employer is simply too many to count. But if I let those rejections keep me down, I’d never have made it this far. You have to keep trying until something works. It may not be the opportunity you imagined, but something will stick. Sometimes future thinking really helps me with resilience. I think of how grateful I’ll be down the road for the hard decision I’m about to make right now, in this moment. Pulling out like that and focusing not only on what’s right in front of me, but what doors could open down the road as a result of the option presented to me right now has been crucial to my ability to be resilient.
Resilience it also much more attainable in the context of community. I don’t aspire to be a lone wolf or achieve singular success. I need people, especially people who can see my gifts and strengths when I’m too exhausted to remember for myself. I think our society loves to glorify the solo hero, the one man band, the person who can seemingly do it all and make it look easy. In my experience, it doesn’t work like that. Not if you want to last for the long haul. We need to surround ourselves with people who can offer a hand when we’ve just been knocked down for the umpteenth time. So for every moment of resilience in my story, you better believe there were a handful of inner circle folks who are equally responsible for my ability to keep going.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
There’s a lot I’m excited about right now. It’s a great feeling. At the moment, I’m focused on a handful of writing projects, one of which I hope to share in full with you soon. I’ve written a second nonfiction book that I’m currently editing with the hopes of finding the right literary agent to help me down the publishing path. I had a great experience self-publishing my first book, PLACES: Stirrings of the Soul While Exploring, but I’m committed to giving this second book a shot at a different kind of publishing route. Without revealing too much, this book is for anyone in the midst of a major life decision, and it’s essentially the guide I wish I’d had when I moved across the country at 22 years old to chase a crazy Hollywood dream.
Beyond the book, I’m revising a new TV pilot script, writing a feature script, prepping to produce a short film, and am in the early stages of writing a novel! Lots of irons in the fire, as they say. I’ve never written a novel before, but for the past few years, I’ve loved the idea of doing National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Friends have done it, but I haven’t made the full commitment to participate… until now! So if you’re reading this and you know me personally, shoot me a pep talk text or call! I have a feeling I’m going to need it at some point down the line…
In the future, I’d love to host some kind of group writing workshop. Among friends, I’ve realized there’s so much power in finding the words to tell your own story, and I think hosting something like that would be both fun and rewarding. As a writer, I tend to be overly self-reflective, so I’m actively looking for ways outside of myself, and I have a hunch this might be a cool avenue to help people, utilizing my favorite creative outlet.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
You mean I have to narrow it down to just THREE impactful skills, qualities, or areas of knowledge?! Insane. Okay. But here we go.
1 – Discipline.
I realize this one is probably in every “useful skills” list on the planet, but there’s a reason for it. Honestly, I have my parents to thank for this aspect of my life. They planted the seed and over the years, I’ve been able to keep watering and nourishing it. I think most people close to me would describe me as a very disciplined person, and it’s definitely one of the qualities that has served me well.
If you’re looking to develop discipline, I’ve found there are three keys: start small, plan ahead, and have grace. It’s all about keeping promises to yourself and doing what you say you’ll do.
Define a small goal for yourself. Sometimes small goals are hard, so you might have to take a big goal and break it down. Let’s make it personal — say you’re me, and you want to write a novel. Okay, that’s massive. Too big of a bite to chew. What does it take to write a novel? Chapters, pages, and words. Take the smallest chunk: words. Figure out how many words you need to write in a day that can get you to a novel-length piece of work. If your novel is going to be 50,000 words and you want to write the whole thing in 30 days, that’s about 1, 666 words per day. Great. Small goal!
Next, plan ahead. In order to actually write those 1,666 words per day, you need to figure out when that’s going to happen. First thing when you wake up? On your lunch break? After the kids are in bed? While you’re in bed? If you don’t make a plan for the small goal, I can almost guarantee it isn’t going to happen. At least that’s how it tends to go for me. I find it helpful to plan the night before and make the decision disconnected from feeling. For example, I might have time to work on a project, but if I haven’t decided which project to tackle, I am going to lose valuable work time trying to figure out which one I FEEL like working on. Nope. Make the decision ahead of time and stick with it.
Last, have grace. You’re not going to keep all the promises you make to yourself. You’re probably going to miss a day, or only write 72 words instead of those 1,666. That’s alright. Have a little grace. If you beat yourself up, you’re only setting yourself back. Discipline isn’t about harsh, intense, rote habits that feel miserable. I think this is the version of discipline many people have in their minds. But discipline can be fun. Shocking, I know. It actually builds confidence once you’ve been practicing it for a while. But in my experience, it won’t work without grace. Do the best you can with what you have… and I’m confident your best will be better if you start small and plan ahead.
2 – Patience/Humility. (I know, I cheated and lumped two things together… sorry!)
I think these two traits go hand in hand. Both are hard. Both often require external assistance by way of a difficult situation or a caring person calling you out on your attitude. And that’s just it — both can be boiled down to attitude. A patient attitude stands in the face of our culture of instant gratification. A humble attitude is one willing to admit there’s a lot they don’t know, and there may be a better way than the one they’ve mapped out. What I’ve learned is the more you’re willing to wait, and the more you realize how little you are in the grand scheme of things, the better prepared you are for the opportunities headed your way. There’s such a hurriedness, such a spirit of “I know best!” in the world we live in. What if we took a step back and tried something different?
If you’re looking to develop patience and humility, well, life will give you a chance sooner or later. View challenges as opportunities to grow in these areas. Otherwise, there are small things you can do now to kickstart the process.
For developing patience, look for ways to intentionally make yourself wait. Stand in the longest line at the grocery store. Take the route with traffic. Spend some time with a person who lives at a slower pace than you do. Flex the patience muscle, painful as it may be at first.
For developing humility, ask questions of people from all walks of life. Hear their stories and experiences. See what you can learn from them, because it might just make you realize how much you have left to discover. And here’s a REALLY fun one — be quick to acknowledge fault and apologize.
3 – Sociability.
I like to say that strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. Of course, that’s a bit extreme, but you get the idea. I’ve been helped immensely by being social and putting myself in situations where I meet new people. Connection is crucial to so many aspects of life and work. I could talk about this forever, but to keep it concise — be willing to participate in social settings, even when it’s not your cup of tea. I’ll admit, I’m an extrovert. I like being with people. But you don’t have to be an extrovert to be sociable. Find one new person to talk to at a party, a networking event, or a group gathering. Put yourself out there, willing to be known and willing to get to know another person. Nearly every job/work opportunity I’ve gotten has come through a relationship. Some call it networking; I call it sociability. Get out there and connect with folks.
If you’re looking to grow in this area, the next time someone invites you to a birthday party, a dinner, or some other social activity, make a commitment to chat with one new person for at least ten minutes. You’d be surprised at the bond you can start to build in such a short time. Be intentional with conversation. Ask good questions that lend themselves to good answers, not ones that lead to bland “yes” or “no” responses. If you really want to stretch it, find a local event that interests you, show up alone, and find someone to talk to. It won’t work every time, but it won’t work at all if you never try!
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
This is such a great question. Thank you, Bold Journey, for creating a space where people can connect and collaborate! We need more of this!
Right now, I’m looking for partners/collaborators in a few different areas.
First, I’d love to connect with people in the publishing world. I find it fascinating, and still feel I know so little about it. I intend to write a lot of books in my lifetime, and while writing often happens alone, the rest of the process does not. So, if you’re an agent, an editor, or a fellow writer with experience to share, I’d love to connect and have a conversation.
Second, I’m looking to collaborate with people who would be interested in participating in a writing workshop. As mentioned earlier, I’m in the early stages of brainstorming what it could look like to host an event or series of meetings to guide people in writing from their personal experiences. I find it cathartic, and such a beautiful way to connect with others. So if that sounds like something you’d be into, please reach out!
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lexbabs
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexa-babin-074709107/
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