Meet Alia Ettienne

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Alia Ettienne a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

firstName}, thank you so much for agreeing to talk with us about a deeply personal and sensitive topic. Postpartum depression affects so many in the community and hearing from someone who has overcome PPD might help someone who is going through it right now. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience

I had a horrid experience when having my first child. The hospital treated me terribly. In fact, they barley treated me and my son at all. My nurse blew me off to one of the trainees so I wasn’t looked after in the slightest. I didn’t get any of the notes and pointers the other patients did. I wasn’t even given a basin to clean myself up. I wasn’t fed because apparently the nurse assistant was told I was on “no solids” I had had my child soley hours before. No one checked in about my daily medication. I barely understood how long formula lasts before it went bad. My son was admitted to the NICU unit after 3 days even though he was only born at 2 pounds. I was told he’d be fine. HE WASN’T. Not because of complications but because his weight dropped and it went unnoticed due to the doctors missing his weigh-ins. He was in the NICU for a total of ten days. By then I had had multiple nervous breakdowns, barely eaten and my body was entirely depleted. My capabilities as a mother were questioned on a consistent basis. I was treated as a phycopath rather than a desperate mother who just wanted her child at home.

Once he came home I was a mess. My hair started to fall out so my hairline was receding. I went from a DD cup to, at one point, a B cup. Nothing fit the same. I was so self conscious in my body that I didn’t want to leave the house. When I did, my clothing was usually oversized to compensate for the drastic changes. I was horrified that someone would deem me an unfit parent and take him away. My body couldn’t handle him solely being breastfed. I was a failure. I was constantly measuring how much breast milk I could pump out. Anxiety ate me alive every time I had to mix formula . My career was done for. I barely had the energy to clean myself up once a day. I no longer felt like a functioning member of society. Sometimes I would just hold him and cry.

How did I overcome it? I looked at my child and realized that the most important thing was that HE knew I loved him. I wanted to be the best mother that I could be to him. I didn’t want the shame and pressure they put on me to prevent me from loving him. I realized that when he grew up he wouldn’t remember those doctors, nurses or social workers. He’d remember me. His mother. I love watching him grown and learn. I focused on that. I tie dyed baby onesies and crafted baby toys for him. We rolled around on the floor, sang songs and listened to music together. We laughed together. I focused on him and not the world’s perception of my mothering. Once I was able to quiet the noise surrounding my motherhood I began to appreciate it. I love my son and I love being his mother.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I am a theater writer, performer and facilitator who was born and raised in Toronto, ON. I am of Afro Caribbean descent which often influences my performances and writing. I graduated from the Sheridan College Performance Program and since then has gone on to study Creative Writing as well as Arts and Entertainment Marketing. I am a Workman Arts member and taught their “Spoken Word and Storytelling” course for two seasons. I have taught multiple classes on African and Caribbean folklore in other spaces as well. I am on the VIBE Arts artist roster most notably completing the VIBE Arts: Desire Lines Residency. In 2022 my three panel art piece was exhibited at Ossington TTC Station.

I aim to create art for social change. My first solo piece, YellowZoned premiered in The 2016 Toronto Fringe Festival and then remounted as a part of Hamilton’s premiere Mental Health Theatre Festival MindPlay. This led to me being featured in Hamilton’s Views Magazine on two separate occasions. In 2017 I founded the program Chill N Do Art which is geared toward Black and Indigenous women. The workshop aims to overlap wellness with creative DIY activities. During the pandemic I founded the Creative Coping Kits Initiative which provided art supply kits to support Black and Indigenous single parent families.

I am currently attending the Toronto Film School for Acting and working on my second full length piece Allow For Release: The Xiety Complex.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

I am a creative person. I enjoy that about myself. I don’t limit myself to what other people say that I’m good at. I like to try things. I don’t need to be a fine artist to enjoying drawing. I use crayons because I think they’re fun. I like to play. There’s always a point (usually in school) where will folks say your not good enough at something to continue. So most of us just stop. We forget when we just did things for fun. I don’t want to lose that. We shouldn’t. I like going to school but I don’t like looking at my grades. I don’t like putting that pressure on myself. As long as I’ve passed I’m okay. At least until the course is over. Ha! The areas of knowledge that were most impactful to me where all the random workshops I did. Just to try things. There was less pressure and I was able to take bits and pieces of everything I learned to push me forward creatively. The grading system often implies that if you score low that you should quit. It’s not worth your time. Workshops don’t do that. You take what you need and leave what doesn’t serve you.

Keep creating, even in the ways you don’t see yourself as strong at. There’s always a benefit to trying. Even if there’s no grade or direct connection to your current work. Trust me. No skill is useless. There’s always a space for that skill to be appreciated.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?

When I feel overwhelmed I take breaks. Seems simple but it’s far from. Especially when you have a deadline you want to hit. If that’s the case I just do a different form of art. If I need to write more, I draw. If I need to plan something out, I craft. If I’m working on a costume, I put on music and dance around. Give your brain a break. Depending on the timeline I can “break” for a few minutes. Sometimes (especially with writing) I break for longer periods of time and work on another skill or learn something entirely new. By the time I get back to what I’m doing I have a fresh perspective on things. Also, eat. You always need to nourish your body. If anything, try one of those weird recipes you see online of people sculpting random crap into their pizzas or salad in a jar.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.aliaettienne.com
• Instagram: @_itsaliaj
• Facebook: Alia Josephine Updates
• Other: Instagram: @chillndoart
  Tik Tok: chillndoart

Image Credits

Tiana Smith, Martin Bryan, Emily Dix