Meet Alice Shikina

We were lucky to catch up with Alice Shikina recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Alice, so excited to talk about all sorts of important topics with you today. The first one we want to jump into is about being the only one in the room – for some that’s being the only person of color or the only non-native English speaker or the only non-MBA, etc Can you talk to us about how you have managed to be successful even when you were the only one in the room that looked like you?

I am an Okinawan-American and I grew up in southern Louisiana. There were very few Japanese-Americans there. The few Asians who I grew up with were Vietnamese. So, I normalized being the only one in the room who looked like me. I did not have any role models, but that also meant I did not have any limitations in my mind. I could achieve whatever I wanted to.

From a very early age, I wanted to become an actress. My father, being Japanese, was very much against this idea. He had a very passionate argument with me when I was seven dissuading me of that. That argument was the catalyst to make me even more determined to reach that goal.

When I was old enough, I started to audition for plays. It was difficult to land roles, because directors were not color-blind casting at that time. So, I would not be cast in most roles if they did not specifically call for an Asian female. That did not deter me. I continued to excel at acting and I began competing in speech tournaments and winning.

To further prove my father wrong AND prove to myself that I could get cast, even as an Asian female, I ended up winning a partial theatre scholarship to the theatre program at Miami University.

My life was always about doing the thing that others thought was not achievable. And I succeeded at every goal I set for myself. This taught me that as long as I worked hard enough, I could find a way to be successful, even if it was not via traditional ways.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I use my theatre skills in my mediation and negotiations regularly.

After I had my second child, I chose to focus on being a mom and I exited the world of theatre. At that time, I was busy directing shows in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Almost a decade after leaving the theatre world, I discovered mediation through a job I had at the time. I also discovered that I was especially good at it. I used my skills at reading people to get them to do and feel how I wanted them to. This proved invaluable as a mediator, as I ended up resolving most of my cases.

In 2016, I decided to get certified as a mediator and I started my own company, Shikina Mediation and Arbitration. I began mediating landlord-tenant cases. Shortly afterwards, I added divorce mediations and workplace conflict mediations. In 2018, I began studying negotiation through the Yale, Harvard and Michigan programs. In 2019, I added negotiation workshops to my list of services.

I have a podcast called Negotiation with Alice, available on YouTube, Apple and Spotify. I have a book on Amazon for parents called, “Negotiating with Your Kids.” I am currently working on a book for married couples called, “Don’t Sleep on the Couch! Negotiating with Your Spouse”. I am excited about the release of this book.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

I think the three important qualities are: not being judgmental, having curiosity about others, and having a lot of knowledge about other cultures.

My advice for others is to travel as much as you can and get to know other people and cultures intimately. By understanding different perspectives, you are able to be more accepting and loving in a way that resonates with others when you meet them.

Judgment is always felt by the people you are judging. So don’t judge. Go into every interaction with an open mind and a loving heart. Everyone wants to be heard, seen and understood. The more we can give them this gift, the more meaningful your connections will become.

Finally, by being curious, you not only learn more about others, but you help them learn more about themselves. I can’t tell you how many times I have asked a question to be met with the response, “Hmmmm…that’s a great question. I need to think about that.” So, in asking them questions about why they think the way they do or what results they are hoping for, you give them time for self-reflection. In doing so, you leave the interaction both knowing more about the other person, but also allowing the other person to know themselves more deeply.

Do you think it’s better to go all in on our strengths or to try to be more well-rounded by investing effort on improving areas you aren’t as strong in?

I think a lot of our strengths simply come from areas that we focus on. Being well-rounded is great, because you can learn so many things in life. Life is too long to focus on only one or two things.

I thrive on learning new things. It is uncomfortable to learn something new, but if you learn to be ok with that, you will reap great benefits in life! Each new thing you learn, you can use in your life somehow and in some way. It also opens up opportunities that you never dreamed of. Learning can bring you continuous joy in life.

Some of the things I have done later in life include learning new languages, picking up the violin, joining a community orchestra, learning how to do Muay Thai kickboxing and competing, starting to row and competing in regattas. These are all wonderful things that enrich my life.

I am also on my third or so career. In the early part of my life, I focused on acting and directing. Then, I added graphic design to my skillset and worked as a designer for almost fifteen years. Following that, I spent about five years working in tech startups as a generalist and then eight years ago, I started my career as a mediator. The skills you pick up enrich you, your life and keeps you youthful.

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