We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Alison von Rosenvinge a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Alison, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
Slowly and all at once. Living gently is a practice that started, literally, with a face plant (more on that below). It also evolved over a lifetime of living in a way that was the opposite of gentle: there was a lot of harsh criticism of myself and others, a lot of striving, grasping, and comparing.
Then, during the spring of 2020 when the pandemic and politics convulsed the planet, the concept of gentleness landed in me and wouldn’t go away. I decided to try to “live gently,” although I wasn’t really sure what that meant. My first attempt at a gentle approach started with a goal of establishing a regular yoga practice. Instead of doing what I usually did: nothing short of 90 minutes power yoga at dawn would do, I told myself that if I rolled out my mat and did a few poses, that counted. Each day, I became more connected to the practice and less connected to the outcome. At the end of the 30 days, the online instructor guided us into crow pose. I knew I couldn’t do crow pose because all balance poses are a challenge for me. And then, there I was, for a split second, balancing my elbows on my knees. (Thank you, Ross Rayburn!) Then, I fell on my face … and I started to laugh. By letting the practice take over, and being gentle with myself, I was able to do something that in ten years of striving I wasn’t able to do. I decided to take this idea of living gently and practice it in other parts of my life.
And because I’m a writer, I started writing about it.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
The Living Gently project is about creating a supportive community for those on their own journeys towards living gently. There is no product for sale or service to buy. This is a movement focused on centering gentleness to heal ourselves, our communities, and our planet.
You can subscribe (for free!) to the art of living gently – a newsletter dedicated to the figuring out how to live gently in this not-so-gentle world at https://alisonvonr.substack.com. Each week, I share a practice I’m playing with to navigate life on planet earth with a little more gentleness. The newsletters are snack-sized reads (2-5 minutes) and I try to offer practical, straightforward practices for you to experiment with on your own path of living more gently. Take what serves and leave what doesn’t.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The power of one tiny step, openness, and compassion.
Looking back on five decades of patterns, one thing I can say with certainty is that I have made my share of unskillful decisions. I’ve experienced plenty of suffering, pain, and loss. And through all of it, one of the critical skills that has helped me with every challenge is the ability to just take one tiny step in the right direction. I find that when I break hard things down into manageable chunks, two things happen: I feel less overwhelmed and my faith in my ability to meet the challenge is restored. The small step in a good direction is powerful.
The second quality that’s improtant is openness. For me, that means getting curious about my own assumptions. I used to believe that every thought that floated thourgh my head was “true.” Now, I practice being curious about my assumptions and appraisals. Letting go of your attachment to your own thoughts opens you up to seeing life as it is, with kind eyes. And when you see life clearly, you can make much more skillful decisions.
Finally, having compassion for yourself is foundational. Like a lot of people, I grew up believing that I wasn’t worthy. I used to think that if I was kind to myself, I was being indulgent and self-satisfied. But the more I researched wisdom and faith traditions, and the more I paid attention in my own life, the clearer it became we are all deserving and worthy. When we sense that we deserve compassion, we open our hearts to ourselves and to everyone around us.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
Here are a few favorites. For more of the resources I rely on in my own journey into living gently, please check out https://alisonvonr.com/resources/
The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and the World by Sharon Salzberg
Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life by Thomas Moore
Real Happiness: A 28-Day Program to Realize the Power of Meditation by Sharon Salzberg
The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck
Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown
Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living by Krista Tippett
Contact Info:
- Website: https://alisonvonr.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alisonvonr
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008210351474
- Other: https://alisonvonr.substack.com/ please subscribe for my free weekly newsletter dedicated to the art of living gently
Image Credits
Natalia Sokolovska
