Meet Amanda Centeno

We recently connected with Amanda Centeno and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Amanda , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

I was often told I was confident, but I never felt it.

For a long time, I did not see myself as ideal; I did not consider myself conventionally attractive, I knew I was smart but not the smartest in class, I knew I was talented but not the most talented.
And despite that, I delighted myself.
I laughed at the stupid things that came out of my mouth.
I found so much joy in my fashion choices and my self-presentation.
I radiated a weird bossy energy: I taught a girl how to roller skate without knowing how to roller skate at seven. I taught classmates voice lessons over the phone and gave them sage advice – a virtual vocal therapy practice I ran at twelve.
One of my best friend’s early core memories of me is me proclaiming that I had perfect tits; that my confidence was infectious and admirable, and that my proclamations of what I loved about myself made it safe for her to express what she loved about herself.

It is one of my greatest pieces of feedback.

For a long time, I did not see myself as ideal: most of my memories of my freshman year in high school were spent in my room, reading manga or binging television until 4 AM, struggling to find new friends after going to a new school for the first time since kindergarten.
My only nickname growing up was Huggamamma, awarded to me by my extended family in the Philippines because when I visited at two years old, I would cry whenever anyone came up to interact with me and hide under my mom’s skirt saying, Huggamamma, Hugamamma.
I never raised my hand in class; even in classes I liked; I treated myself like a ghost and sought to learn through osmosis, cursing class participation grades.

I’ve always had these two kids in me: the one scared to interact with anyone directly and the one who got up on the table at a restaurant at four years old to tell her favorite joke to all the patrons, giggling so hard that she could barely get out the punchline.
But one thing I knew for sure: my loud and big behavior was rewarded, and my shyer, introspective side was condemned.
I invested in my loud and affable side – and built my self-esteem on shaky ground.

I found self-development content: humanistic astrology, Myers-Briggs, positive psychology, that Carnegie book about influencing people – and tried to master myself. To know myself and others so thoroughly that life became a hypervigilant web of my emotional predictions that I used to manipulate situations in my favor. What started as a genuine interest in the human condition became a toolbox of concoctions that I thought I needed to be accepted, to be useful.

In some ways, studying different perspectives did give me confidence and self-esteem; it feels validating to know one’s self in some capacity, to be known, to have an answer. I still love to find new systems; my latest foray is in human design.

But despite all of the work I’d done on myself, I found that the parts of myself that I found to be ill-suited or maladaptive were still there.

It was only in the last few years that I realized –
The more I disowned the parts of me that I could not stand, the more they persisted.
I had to reckon with the difference between growth and fixing; that to actually embody confidence and self-esteem, I had to see my value and believe in it – no matter how the external circumstances of my life looked, no matter what transpired, no matter what mistakes I made or failures I perpetuated – again.

That true confidence and self-esteem came from the fact that I loved myself anyway. That I held myself anyway. That I embraced myself every single day anyway.
That true confidence and self-esteem came from taking action despite fear, unworthiness, and uncertainty – and betting on the outcome I wanted. Again and again and again.
That true confidence and self-esteem came to me on a day I had to deeply forgive myself and thought: if I was the only person who would dare to stand by my side after this moment, I know I would make it through this life alive and vibrant.
That I am well worth my own company. That I am well worth my spot in other people’s lives at rest.
And that I have the power to invoke that feeling of being chosen, of having purpose, whenever I want.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

I am an actor predominantly, working mostly in collaborative developmental theatre environments. My first love is theatre but I have made my foray into the indie film scene as an actor, writer, and producer – and can finally claim the term “multi-hyphenate artist” full chest. I have always followed the thread of my community, trusted collaborators, and friends who have put my name in rooms I hadn’t known about. And I think that’s the most exciting part about it – that with each project, with the time-tested relationships I have built in NYC, I have created a sweet sense of artistic abundance – where I truly believe my inbox is a constant source of opportunity and possibility. Especially when I least expect it. As I get older, I have been brainstorming how to combine my ultimate loves of theatre and food, and have settled on reviving dinner theatre and secondary space. But for now, I’m in pre-production for two short films, Vanilla and friend hug.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

During the pandemic quarantine, I started working with a life coach. I had never gone to traditional talk therapy, and up until then, all of my self-development endeavors were solo operations. In that container, we established such a unique and mutual space in a client-based dynamic. She moved away from coaching and we are still friends, but when that phase of our relationship ended, I found myself in the position of coaching myself. With such a strong foundation, I realized I could take the compassion and deep listening we cultivated into any relationship – including the one I have with myself. And that was a big boost to my confidence and self-esteem.

The three qualities I cultivated with her that feel distinctly related to my ability to exact change in my life (and therefore build my confidence/self-esteem) are curiosity, consistency, and celebration.

Curiosity killed the cat – and it kills the results you keep yielding that keep you stuck. Our ability to be curious about ourselves and other people is the first true step in knowing yourself and what you have to offer confidently. Because when you are curious about the way you do things, when you are curious about what the people in your life are showing you about you, you can start to ask the right questions. And as you ask the right questions, you can recalibrate those answers towards the life you desire, not the one you or anyone else around you is settling for. When you start to turn that curiosity towards the people around you – that’s when things get interesting. True change cannot happen unless we believe in the capacity for change on both sides; true curiosity allows for that energetic shift in people that only happens when you look at them with possibility.

Consistency is coming back. Coming back to you. Coming back to you as you experiment with the habits and investments that build you. You can come back to being consistent after not being consistent for a long time. You can be consistent and realize that the thing you’ve been doing has to change. People misinterpret consistency as being dependent on one way of doing things, one person to do something with, one answer, one timeline. There will be many phases of your life with many different ways of doing things – but the consistency at play is you regularly taking the time to ask yourself: how does this feel to me? What am I getting from this? Can this be better, or different? While also allowing yourself space for the experience to take effect, to work on you. It’s this repetitive action sequence, especially when you do not want to know the answer, that will change your life.

Celebration is so underrated. My life coach and I always started our sessions with what I was celebrating; we would even have mini-sessions where all I talked about was what I was celebrating. I think this is the most obvious tenant to building confidence and self-esteem, but I don’t see it practiced with the same rigor as excavating our shadow sides and traumas. Celebration is the key to your fuel tank; it will keep you moving in the darkest of times and there is no possible way to overfill your tank when it is practiced correctly. Not in a way of proving or posturing, but in a way that radiates your inner light like the embers of a fire. In a way that invites other people in your life to celebrate themselves as well. You can be the life of the party or party alone. Really no losses here.

Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?

Get divorced. They got divorced when I was two, which is often seen as a big hardship or loss, but with time, patience, and investment in a novel future, we grew into an even more loving family. My mom, dad, stepdad, and dad’s partner all regularly come together and celebrate the important and mundane moments surrounding my sister and me. It taught me the power of rebirth, transformation, and manifestation without proof – not to succumb to what you think it has to be, even in shitty circumstances. It taught me the power of what love could truly do, how it changes, but never has to dissipate. It taught me to look at people as whole people, with pasts, who made mistakes, that have growing pains and vulnerabilities – and love them all the way. My parents loved me with such rigor and prioritized me in a way that I am eternally grateful for – and even though the path was not always the easiest, it was worth every twist and turn. It is the biggest blessing of my life.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.amandacenteno.com
• Instagram: amandangeline

Image Credits

Valerie Terranova, Joshua Lacle, Jillian Brocki, Nile Scott