We were lucky to catch up with Andrea Santa Maria recently and have shared our conversation below.
Andrea, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
Growing up, my purpose always seemed primarily rooted in the emotions of those around me. I grew up with a large Italian family, primarily consisting of women, who were always expressing feelings – positive or negative – at a loud and potent volume. Going to an all-girls high school was also a breeding ground for emotional experiences and high levels of stress. For as long as I can remember, the feelings of my family, friends, and peers have been at the core of how I look at myself and what I believe about myself. I remember taking so much pride in my abilities to do things like console a friend after a breakup, problem solve an issue with a classmate, or help my mom troubleshoot a task in the kitchen. I found purpose and contentment in being sought out to help with truly anything. When those around me didn’t need my help or weren’t seeking my validation, though, my purpose started to become irrelevant and illusive, as I began to feel lonely and unworthy.
As I have gotten older, I have begun to realize that my purpose within helping others will always be a part of me. It is so intrinsically within me that it almost feels like a reflex at this point. However, it’s what I have done with this purpose that has shaped me as both a therapist and a person. It’s also taken a lot of intentional effort and reflection around the fact that everyone’s purpose is totally subjective. Just because my purpose looks differently than my friends, doesn’t mean my purpose is any less or more worthy. Comparison is truly the thief of all joy. Lately, it feels like I have begun to dig into my purpose more and more as I have gotten older and have checked things off of my life to do list as well – like becoming a therapist and opening my own private practice for therapy. Like the infamous Kurt Cobain of Nirvana said, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
Exisential therapist, Viktor Frankl, one wrote, “the meaning of my life is to help others find meaning in theirs.” The meaning of life is quite a thought, but if you look at this concept just in terms of yourself, amazing things can come up. During my time in my undergraduate psychology program at Ole Miss, I studied under Dr. Kelly Wilson and Dr. Kate Kellum in the Mississippi Contextual Science Lab. It was here that I learned about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for the first time and completely fell head over heels in love with the idea that values drive our purpose and our identity. As I explored concepts within ACT, one exercise I found to be incredibly helpful with grounding myself in my purpose was Dr. Wilson’s Valued Living Questionnaire. I use this as a resource with my therapy clients, but have also retaken this questionnaire so many times myself.
If we know and are aware of our values, our purpose is not far behind. I know that I was meant to help others as a therapist and that so much of my life revolves around the well-being of others, but I also know that my values guide other aspects of my life outside of work and also give me purpose. So much of this includes mindfulness practices and finding your purpose in the little things as well. I have found my purpose while at a concerts with friends, when I walk at Centennial Park, and or when I cook a new recipe.
In short, I believe no one thing can fulfill us purposefully. Life is about finding your purpose in your values and then acknowledging the little things throughout the day that fuel those values and make you feel whole and alive. As soon as you can ground yourself and be mindful of these little moments, you can start to find your purpose anywhere and everywhere. How lucky are we do have a purpose and share that with others?
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Right now, I spend so much time at Delilah, I truly feel like I live there. I have really dug my heels into the concept of growing our practice and making it the best it can be. I have to give my amazing Delilah team – Cille Martin, Olivia Oakley, Jillian Locke, Eleanor Smith, and Marlow Amick – a shout out because I would not be here without them. I feel so blessed to be able to come to work everyday in an environment with women I can truly be organically and authentically myself as we support and advocate for one another’s success. They are my inspiration and give me so much hope for the future of what we are growing and creating.
That being said, we are constantly having “brain blasts” (Jimmy Neutron style) and trying to manage expectations of what we can do in a day. Delilah is just at the beginning stages of establishing its’ roots as a private practice for women and girls to come and experience therapy. I get pretty emotional just watching my other therapists pick up their clients from the waiting room and talk to them like a friend while walking back to their offices for therapy. Seeing the other Delilah therapists be so successful and authentic with their clients gives me the fuel to do what I do at work everyday. Its my driving force and I love it. Right now, specifically, I am so excited about the High School Girls Group that Cille and Olivia are co-leading the third Tuesday of each month from 5:30PM – 6:30PM at Delilah, and hope that this leads to many more successful group therapy experiences. I think I am working on being more present and mindful and just soaking up the little moments that give me joy at work everyday and being so thankful for those.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Any qualities or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in my journey probably came from my dad. I would call him relentlessly to ask him questions or seek his advice, and every single time he would be so patient with me over the phone and end the call by telling me it would all work out. It was the perfect combination of advice but also reassurance. Without him, I would not be where I am and Delilah would not be what it is today.
As anyone begins to open up their own therapy private practice, or just become more established in their career, I would encourage them to recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that mistakes are sometimes the fun part. I remember periods of time when I was establishing Delilah and thinking to myself ‘let’s just call this a day, this is never going to work.’ Find someone who really and truly believes in you but isn’t scared to tell you what you need to hear. Especially as therapists, we are never going to know everything, and it has been such a humbling experience growing through a lack of knowledge and experiencing mistakes.
Who is your ideal client or what sort of characteristics would make someone an ideal client for you?
The idea client for myself or for any therapist at Delilah is the women or girl looking to improve herself and gain self-awareness and skills to better work through day-to-day stressors or past traumas. We specialize in working with women and girls of all ages experiencing life transitions, disordered eating anxiety, depression, self-esteem and/or body image issues, grief and loss, OCD, interpersonal relationship issues, boundary-issues, past trauma, or unhealthy coping skills.
We feel so incredibly grateful to be given the opportunity to be inspired by so many of our clients through the stories they tell us about their lives. They are our reason for doing what we do everyday and we cannot thank them enough for their endless support and love.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.delilahcounseling.com
- Instagram: @AndreaSantaMaria and @DelilahCounseling
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090424665046
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/81884832/admin/feed/posts/
- Other: Spotify: DelilahCounseling
Image Credits
Marlow Amick Photography
