Meet Anfernee Parker

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Anfernee Parker a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Anfernee, so excited to talk about all sorts of important topics with you today. The first one we want to jump into is about being the only one in the room – for some that’s being the only person of color or the only non-native English speaker or the only non-MBA, etc Can you talk to us about how you have managed to be successful even when you were the only one in the room that looked like you?

Acceptance is the first step when you find yourself in a room full of people who don’t look like you. First, accept who you are and how you may think differently from the other people around you. Knowing yourself and being comfortable with your uniqueness will help when you have disagreements or need to work together to solve a problem. Next, accept that the other people in the room will have different views and may unknowingly exclude you from some things. Humans are naturally tribal and tend to gravitate toward people who look like us and have the same background. The tribes can expand, but it takes more effort for someone to add a person to their tribe that does not look the part. Just because the other people in the room don’t speak to you like they speak to everyone else does not mean they are doing so out of malice. When you finally start to connect with them, you’ll discover all of the below-the-surface ways you are different, which is OK.

After that, accept the discomfort that comes with being the only person in the room who looks like you. You will feel out of place, like an outsider, and out of touch. Once you accept the discomfort, you can genuinely learn from others. You can grow to become more than who you used to be. Incorporating the best parts of who you were with the knowledge and experiences of people with different backgrounds. This is how you evolve and become the best version of yourself. Throughout history, when cultures have blended, the world has received some of its most creative inventions and forms of art. For example, Salsa music, the invention of insulin, and Creole cuisine.

While studying abroad in Colombia, I was forced to test these concepts. In six months, I overcame the language barrier, cultural unfamiliarity, and self-doubt. By accepting who I was, accepting the people of that country and embracing the discomfort that came with living there, I became the best version of myself. Which also prepared me for career success in the technology sector. At work, I often find that I’m the only black person in the room. Like in Colombia, I’ve taken the time to learn the “language” of my industry to better understand and interact with others. I’ve also embraced the cultural differences of my colleagues and customers. Finally, I decided not to fear new situations or challenges. Instead of running away, I choose to embrace the discomfort and be openly curious about everything to continue to succeed and enjoy what matters most in my life.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I am passionate about spreading prosperity in the world. I do that through my professional career as a software technology account executive, enabling the largest companies in the world to grow and transform their businesses. I also spread prosperity through fiction novels. Each of my stories is different, but they all have a central theme of overcoming impossible challenges in extreme life circumstances. My debut novel, The Liar Killers, released in April 2024, is set in a futuristic version of America where lying is illegal and punishable by death. In this dystopian world, the main character tries to change the brutal system that has been in place for decades. I use social media (TikTok @apthewriter) to spread motivational messages that help people unlock their greatest potential to succeed in life.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

AP’s Three Most Important Skills For Success are:

1. Adaptability

2. Growth Mindset

3. Willingness To Show Up

There are a lot of hard skills that people can learn for specific jobs. For example, if you want to build apps or design websites, you may need to learn computer coding. If you want to be a mechanic, knowing how to fix a car engine is also a hard skill. Hard skills require focused effort to learn and years of practice. Regardless of whatever skills you decide are necessary for your development, there are foundational “soft skills” that help you do ANY job and strengthen your ability to learn hard skills. These foundational skills transcend weaknesses and cross into any career area you choose.

The most important soft skills for success are Adaptability, Growth Mindset, and Willingness to Show Up. No matter what you do in life, you will encounter unfamiliar situations even if you decide to do nothing. Adapting to your environment and the challenges along the way is essential to realizing your full potential. The word adapt means to become adjusted to new conditions. In nature, the animals that cannot adjust to the changing conditions in their environment die. They get hunted, the new climate kills them, or they don’t manage to feed themselves. Humans are no exception and adapting is just as critical to our survival.

This is closely related to having a growth mindset. There are two ways to approach life. Having either a fixed mindset, meaning everything you know how to do right now, is static and will never change, or a growth mindset, meaning your brain is a muscle you can continually train and grow. A growth mindset allows you to push past your limitations and learn any new skill you need to survive. With a growth mindset, you can overcome any obstacle and become an unstoppable force. There is a lot of information available that goes into detail about having a growth mindset. I recommend the famous Ted Talk by Carol Dweck if you want to learn more: https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve?subtitle=en

Most high achievers stand out early in life simply by their willingness to show up. Have you ever tried out for sports? You may remember in school when tons of kids would say they wanted to play. On the first day of tryouts, half of your classmates came up with excuses for not being there. Then, after the intense workouts start, many kids typically weed themselves out by failing to keep coming to practice. Adult life is the same way. Most people never actually do what they say they will or come prepared to the important meeting to discuss the next steps. Having a willingness to show up, be present, and come prepared is rare but essential to self actualization. Just by showing up, often small wins will find you.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?

When I’m feeling overwhelmed (which is often), I take a moment to center myself on what matters most. It’s important to have a concrete destination for everything you do. This is what some people refer to as “You’re Why”. This is the only thing that will keep you moving forward when you feel like you’ve had enough. When you are tired and want to give up. I’ve written out what I want to accomplish this year from a work and life perspective. Then when things get tough, I stop for a moment, breathe and focus on my list. I ask myself, how is what I’m doing right now related to my yearly goal? What happens when I reach this goal? How will I feel once that goal is met? Then I allow those feelings to radiate throughout my body in that moment.

My sense of purpose is locked in, and the action I’m taking now is in alignment with that purpose. On the other hand, if whatever is overwhelming me is not in line with that purpose, I calmly give myself permission to move on to doing something that truly matters. You can do this too by writing down what matters to you. Why do you work? What excites you? Is there someone in your life you care for enough that you would do anything to provide for and protect? That can be who you think about during your “centering” moment.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://anferneeparker.com/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anfernee/
• Other: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@apthewriter