We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Angela Coffin. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Angela below.
Angela , thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
When you’ve faced the amount of trials I’ve faced, there’s only one place to get your resilience from–God. By the time I had met my husband at age 30, I had gone through many hardships. On the surface, it may not have seemed like I was stuck inside a mortar being ground into fine pieces, but it certainly felt that way. At the age of four, my disabled older brother passed away and around that same age, I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor. In my twenties, when I was old enough to truly understand the gravity of these traumas, I became my abuser by allowing my body to be used. As a result, depression made its home within, setting up light-blocking curtains until I reached out my hands to grab the only one who could help me. I hadn’t grown up in church, so I had often blamed God for all of the hurt I had experienced, but there had been moments all throughout my life where I had felt the presence of God, and once I was able to fully surrender to Him, light settled upon me and I felt peace.
Without that peace, I don’t know how I would have dealt with the infertility that came later, after marrying my husband. It took two years, a lot of medication, injections, procedures, and prayer for us to finally get pregnant. And until recently, I thought that would be the hardest thing I would have to go through, which is why I have written a small collection of poetry on infertility and motherhood. I began this collection prior to the conception of my son and finished it during my pregnancy with my daughter. However, it wasn’t until the birth of my daughter, that I met my biggest adversity.
At around 30 weeks pregnant, I began having weird neurological symptoms. It began with an odd numbing sensation in my mouth. I brought it up to my OB, telling him that “it just feels like I permanently have the taste of a mint in my mouth.” He had never heard of this symptom, suggested I reach out to my general doctor if I was truly concerned about it, but we both sort of agreed that it could just be a weird pregnancy symptom. As the weeks passed, the numbing sensation slowly spread throughout the whole right side of my face. My face was not drooping, so I continued to look normal, but felt as if someone had shot me with Novocain.
At 35 weeks, I took myself to the ER to get an MRI. Due to being pregnant, they could not do a contrasted MRI. The MRI did show inflammation, but the nurse practitioner I saw chalked it up to a weird pregnancy symptom and told me that “everyone’s MRI would likely show something.” The following day was my weekly appointment with my OB. At this point, he was very concerned and immediately called his friend who is a neurologist. I was seen by the neurologist the next day and placed on medication. Everything happened so fast at that point. The very next day I had double vision, which got increasingly worse. 5 days later, I was in the OR getting an emergency C section to deliver my baby at 36 weeks so we could find out why my neurological symptoms continued to worsen. That evening, I went in for a contrasted MRI, only to find out that I have a brain tumor in my skull base pressing on my trigeminal and optical nerves.
It’s funny how I felt like my life was akin to a mortar and pestle. A mortar and pestle is used to prepare something. What I believe, wholeheartedly, is that God has always been refining me and preparing me for such a time as this. For my biggest battle yet.
Luckily my brain tumor is benign, but there were about 3 weeks of waiting for more answers and in those weeks, I thought I was dying. Yet God gave me peace that surpasses all understanding. I can’t even fully comprehend all of the ways He has been with me on my journey, reassuring me that everything will be okay. Reminding me how loved and cherished I am. Not every day is easy. Some days are really hard. But I have the capacity to be strong and I’m just so grateful for every little thing in this life– all of the things I took for granted until I was reminded how fleeting this all is. Now, I have a new story to tell.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
Professionally, I am an adjunct English and creative writing professor as well as a part-time developmental editor for a small publishing company. I also am a published writer (under my maiden name: Angela Abbott) and continue to write and submit my work to small presses and unique literary journals. My hope is to one day make writing my full-time career.
As I mentioned before, I do have a small poetry collection on infertility and motherhood. Some of the stand alone poems have been published, but I’m still looking for a publisher for the entirety of the collection. I’m so proud of this book, because I do feel like infertility is a bit of a silent battle and more and more women are experiencing it. One in six couples suffer from infertility, which has changed in recent years, as the previous statistic was one in eight. I wholly believe that this collection of poems will undoubtedly bind together the women on this difficult journey and those who love them through it.
Prior to learning about my tumor, I had been working on a fiction novel that I was very excited about. While I’m still very excited about that book, I am now feeling compelled to write about what I’m currently going through, be it memoir or something in the religious sector.
Writing for me, is in my bones, and I just have to do it.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Gratitude. Grounding. Surrender.
In those early days of postpartum with my tumor, when I didn’t have the answers I have now, my mind would spiral. I told my husband to ask me these three things when that started to happen:
1. What is something you’re grateful for?
2. What is in your control?
3. What can you do about it?
What is something you’re grateful for– For me, I could always find something to be grateful for. Especially after losing my vision, I was reminded of how precious every sense is and all of our abilities. Why had I ever taken my sight for granted? But in reality, we all do. I still see double, but finally after 3 months of eye patches, light dimming glasses, and multiple prescriptions, I finally have the right prescription of prism glasses to help me see again. Without my sight, I couldn’t work, walk comfortably, watch television, shop, or drive. Not only was my independence stripped from me, but my hobbies were as well. I’m so grateful for my vision and continue to pray that one day it is fully restored. Going through this has reminded me of just how intricately we are made. If I do nothing to treat my tumor and it continues to grow, due to its location, my balance and ability to walk may go next. My hearing in my right ear could be impacted. I am so grateful that I can walk. I’m so grateful that I can hear. There’s a million things I am grateful for, and so many of those things I had taken for granted prior to my tumor. “Gratitude” by Brandon Lake has become my anthem on this journey. I’m just so grateful. Even in the darkest pit, there’s still something to be grateful for.
What is in your control– This is always such a great reminder. This always grounds me in the truth that sometimes, nothing is in my control. I cannot control whether my tumor grows or not. And if it grows, I cannot control how quickly it grows. If I have to have surgery or radiation in the future, I cannot control the outcome of those procedures. Reminding myself that God is bigger than me and cares for me is crucial. He is the one in control. Now, there are some things in my control. When I have a negative thought pattern and start to spiral, I can decide to either continue in that negativity or I can choose to move on in positivity.
What can you do about it– The answer here is simple. Surrender. I can surrender all of my worries and cares and spirals and negative thought patterns to the one who not only can handle it, but wants to. He wants to take my heavy load. He wants to fight my battle for me. I simply have to let him. There are times when I can do more than surrender. Sometimes I can cry. Crying is good. I can allow myself room to feel my emotions. I can also make a choice to change my thoughts. But always, surrendering comes first.
Okay, so before we go, is there anyone you’d like to shoutout for the role they’ve played in helping you develop the essential skills or overcome challenges along the way?
Apart from God, my husband is my biggest cheerleader. He believes in me and my writing and constantly encourages me. When we got home from the hospital after the birth of our daughter, he decided to take over night time feedings, because my symptoms were worse at night and he wanted me to get rest. Where I tend to lean more in the “worst case scenario” realm, he is fully in “best case scenario” mode. He balances me and reassures me and loves me no matter my faults. He brings a lightness and levity to our lives. He is truly the best.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://angela-abbott.com/
- Instagram: @between_the_binding_
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/angela-coffin-196937b/
Image Credits
Alyse McMurtrey
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