We caught up with the brilliant and insightful ANGELA MARTINEZ ALVARADO a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
: Hi ANGELA, so excited to have you with us today and we are really interested in hearing your thoughts about how folks can develop their empathy? In our experience, most folks want to be empathic towards others, but in a world where we are often only surrounded by people who are very similar to us, it can sometimes be a challenge to develop empathy for others who might not be as similar to us. Any thoughts or advice?
I developed empathy in a way that I would not wish on anyone but would not change for the world. Learning that I was adopted has shaped me since I can remember – I was about 4 years old when I learned this fact about myself. It wasn’t news I took well and I still recall that day and how sad I felt. I later learned that adopted children grieve the loss of their biological mother but don’t know that is what it is and feel an emptiness and longing for many years to come. Later in life I lost my first born daughter – a person who resembled me – something no one else could give me – a reflection of myself in someone else. Being adopted you are always wanting to see yourself in another but never get that opportunity. Being adopted you want someone that is part of you – I had that for a brief moment. Losing my daughter was like losing a part of me that was finally coming to fruition – it was a loss that to this day has shaped me. My daughter, for being so little, suffered unimaginable pain and was resilient until her last breath. I carry that with me and remind myself that strength is inherent in who I am.
I survived domestic abuse that I didn’t think I would ever become victim to. This alone has been another shaping force.
I speak of these events because I could have chosen to be bitter and resentful – these aren’t events one bounces back from quickly and can easily be used to stay hurt and angry.
I look at them as guiding posts that set my moral compass to kindness, compassion, and empathy.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
As an immigration attorney who works primarily with victims of abuse and crime I can empathize with their current state – because I too have lost much. I know what it is like to think there is no end in sight and no light at the end of the tunnel and have asked “Why me?” While I cannot ever say to them I know exactly what you feel – one can never know the true depths of anyone’s pain – but I can catch a glimpse of their hurt because I too have been there.
I offer hope and at times share a bit of me so that they know I work for them from a place of love and a true longing for them to be as whole as they possibly can and know that this is only a page in their book – a book they can continue to write as they choose.
Had I not lived those experiences I could not and would not be able to meet these individuals where they are and comprehend the immense pain and loss of self they are experiencing. I do not glorify my experiences but acknowledge they happened and can serve a greater purpose to help others know they are not alone and there are others who truly understand what they have endured.
I strive to be the person I wish I had when I was going through my own experiences and humble myself that I am worthy of their trust. Sharing one’s story is never easy and should not be taken lightly – it is a sign of great trust and one I am grateful for. It is a privilege bestowed on few.
When I complete my representation of each client I thank them for the opportunity to serve them, for placing their trust in me and remind them their story is theirs and they always choose what parts to share and with whom.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Active Listening, Empathy, and Willingness to Learn.
Always listen to learn and not to respond. As an attorney I have to actively listen not just to the words my clients say but what they are not saying to me. It is in those spaces that I learn what I need to dig deeper for and where I need to walk away and give them their space to tell me their story in their way and in their time. It is not about getting what you need it is about meeting them where they are and allowing them to be guide the process.
Listen with your heart and be open to hearing experiences that are different than your own and ones that may seem incredibly unlikely – just because you have not lived it does not mean it didn’t or could not happen to someone else. Working with victims, survivors and those with lived experiences is one that requires great empathy – the ability to imagine what it is to be them and speak to you with their truth and know that they could be judged for freely opening up. It takes great strength to share one’s truth and story – listening and responding with empathy is a remarkable skillset one learns with time.
Always be open to learning from those around you – your family, friends, mentors, clients, and even those you don’t agree with. We can always learn something from someone or from an experience – even those far different than our own experiences. Humility goes along way in shaping one’s perspective – we are never beyond learning something new and different from unexpected people and situations.
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom shaped my view of life and experiences. When I look back at my own life to date it made me realize that nothing is by chance and serves a greater purpose – to allow you to be who you were created to be. It made me see that everyone that crosses our path – good or bad – is for a reason to setting us on our coarse. I am a believer in God and belief we are made to serve His purpose on Earth and sometimes life takes turns we wish it hadn’t but in the end it all works out for His greater purpose. When it is all said and done one can look back and think, “Ah hah it all makes sense.” I speak for myself when I say all experiences and encounters as insignificant as they may seem also have purpose – and are part of the bigger plan.
When I was little I always wanted to be an immigration attorney – as far back as I can remember – and my life choices took me in directions that had me believe that would always be a dream that was no longer attainable – but as I reflect I wasn’t ready to realize that dream and many of the experiences and people along the way shaped me to be that attorney today…it was a destiny set in motion on His time and not mine.
Contact Info:
