Meet Ania Ray

We were lucky to catch up with Ania Ray recently and have shared our conversation below.

Ania, thrilled to have you on the platform as I think our readers can really benefit from your insights and experiences. In particular, we’d love to hear about how you think about burnout, avoiding or overcoming burnout, etc.

Burnout sucks. It kills your motivation (which makes total sense because your body and mind had been warning you for days, weeks, months, or years that you CANNOT keep operating at this rate without proper rest and you didn’t listen, so now you HAVE to rest because you DON’T feel like doing anything). It makes chronic fatigue, depression, and despair a daily “friend.” It’s awful. I was there a few times in my life, but the WORST experience of burnout I had was the year before I left the high school English classroom. It was enough to teach me that I will do anything possible to make sure I don’t feel that way ever again: especially as a mom, wife, and business owner. The stakes are too high for me to just “shut off.” So I do my best to avoid burnout.

What helps me avoid burnout is knowing what my red flags for burnout are. For too long, I’d be living, working, living, working, and then poof! Burnout! It’s like I didn’t know when I’d crossed the line and suddenly I don’t feel like doing anything when I most “need” to be doing something! If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, knowing which “type” you go to during stress is what helped me unlock my own signs that I was heading towards burnout. I’m an Enneagram 7, so when I start to become a perfectionist or catch myself being mean to myself (“Ania, you idiot, why didn’t you know better?!”), I know I’m headed right towards burnout and that becomes my immediate sign to delegate, delete, or move my unnecessary, unurgent tasks to a time when I’m restored and ready to expend more energy and make business decisions. I typically do not ask for or look at any feedback when I’m on the cusp of burnout; the lack of resilience means I’m less resistant to stress, and that’ll make burnout and resentment happen faster. I also do my best not to make any big business decisions during this time as well.

You know best what events, people, or experiences drain you (or, if you were like me, you had no idea because you just stuffed everything down and didn’t actually pay attention to how things made you feel. It’s “supposed” to be this way, I would tell myself). If you don’t, start paying attention and start a list. Plan to do those things that are more energy-draining on days when you have a fuller cup. Similarly, start focusing on what fills your cup, or gives your energy, and make time for incremental cup-filling throughout your week. Avoiding burnout becomes very doable for me when I a) incrementally fill my cup throughout the week (i.e. we don’t have to wait until Friday night and the weekend to rest!) and b) only focus on what is absolutely necessary on days when I don’t have 100% to give. If it doesn’t kill a relationship or a commitment, canceling plans is always a great “avoiding burnout” option; otherwise, show up – and then rest!

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

Too many women allow their fears, uncertainties, and doubts rob the world of exactly that which would heal it. I know it because I, too, was there. I wondered, “Who am I to think I could write a book? I’m ‘just’ an English teacher.” or asked myself, “Seriously? Who would WANT to read this?”

That debilitating self-sabotage didn’t go away; left untended, it festered. Once I was on the other side of it and saw what had made the difference, I knew there was something I could contribute to other women who write: solidarity.

Let’s say there’s a woman who wants more than anything to write a book, but the weight of all this writer doesn’t know about writing or the publishing process keeps her down before she’s even started. Or maybe she makes it to the end of the first draft and then allows self-sabotaging thoughts to keep her from digging into the second draft. Or maybe she’s a wife and mother who keeps putting her family’s needs above her own, when spending just ONE hour on her work would make the difference in how present she is with her family once her own needs are met.

These are the women I think about on a daily basis. The ones who focus more on who might not enjoy their books rather than imagining the readers who will be so grateful that it exists. That’s where our writing community comes in. It’s my job – our collective effort – to empower these women all the way to the finish line – whatever that looks like for them.

Quill & Cup is a fiercely supportive writing community for women who prioritize their writing, who lean into personal growth with continued education on mindset and craft, and who make rest a non-negotiable part of the creative process.

Though it’d be easy to overcomplicate, the answer to “Why does our community matter?” comes down to simple statements: “To empower women to write the stories that won’t let them go.” “To show women how to prioritize writing time in order to be more present with their family and friends.” “To make rest a non-negotiable.” “To give fear, uncertainty, and doubt the middle finger.” “To build integrity with self by showing up when you said you would.” We have seen the power of putting these principles into action and makes the daily work most satisfying and fulfilling.

Together with my cofounder and husband Cody, we have empowered thousands of women. Our writing community has championed hundreds of women at our virtual table as they make progress on their stories, helping them overcome writer’s block, defeat imposter syndrome, and receive continued education on craft and mindset. In a world of “boss babes,” we’re “I don’t know babes” who do the work to calibrate our egos. We have heard hundreds of success stories from these women – we call them our Hedgies (“Quill”.. hedgehogs.. It’s a thing) – that confirm our mission is not something we say; it is something we do. The ripple effects aren’t just published books that might have been stuck in an untouched drawer otherwise – they are healthy relationships with self and with others, women enjoying what they’re called to do and serving the readers who are grateful that book is now in their hands.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

The top three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that have been most impactful in my journey include practicing groundedness, intellectual humility, and energy management. I say “practicing” very intentionally: believing that everything in business is trial and error has taken an incredible load of pressure off me. If something doesn’t work out one day, that’s information to learn from and adjust. If something worked out another day, that’s information, too.

For practicing groundedness — If you haven’t read Brad Stulberg’s Practice of Groundedness, I would stop everything and order a copy for yourself ASAP. In it, you’ll learn the six principles of groundedness that had significantly altered the way I go about my daily life. I think I finished it in six months because I was taking notes and really applying what I was reading. We’ve based our Quill & Cup writing community on these principles as well, and the Hedgie House is an incredible place to live and write and experience community because of it.

For practicing intellectual humility — Admit that you don’t know something when you don’t know. Imposter syndrome occurs when you try to fake it til you make it, and though that cliche has a place in certain contexts, being willing to admit “I don’t know” when I haven’t known something has only reaped positive experiences for me. It has opened the door to deepening relationships with others because I’ve learned that asking others for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don’t know what you don’t know and we all have blind spots. People respond better to someone who’s calibrating their ego rather than leading with it.

For practicing energy management — Pushing beyond what you’re able to give isn’t sexy anymore; it leads to burnout, which extinguishes your ability to lead dependably, consistently, and with stabiltiy. A business can’t be successful if its leader is tapped out. Know when your energy is depleted and make plans to either delegate, delete, or move to another time. We make things a lot more high stakes with self-imposed deadlines than is often necessary. You must take care of yourself first and THEN tend to the business.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

1. Remember your why. For us in Quill & Cup, that’s to empower women through writing. When I feel overwhelmed, I go right back to serving our writers directly — through conversation, through check-ins, through as many interactions as possible. I start with serving who I already have and go from there.

2. Fill out an Eisenhower Matrix! Here’s a brief break-down: https://www.quillandcup.com/blog/eisenhowermatrix

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