Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Annie Joy Carter. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Annie Joy, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I grew up believing that I talked too much, was too loud, and was just too much. I was awkward, had gangly teeth, and a terrible perm. I did obnoxious things to try to get attention. I was screaming, “Please love me!”
In a family of 6 kids, I often didn’t feel seen or heard. I thought I had to go over the top for anyone to notice me.
I was so lonely.
I started reading at a young age and became addicted to losing myself in someone else’s story. It would distract me from thinking about how much I hated myself. I fell asleep at night imagining I was someone else.
Someone easy to love.
Like most little girls, I imagined my white knight would ride in and solve all my problems. But when my first “knight” at age 14 tried controlling me and belittling me, I was skeptical of relationships and refused to get too close to men until I was in college.
But the loneliness and the need for approval finally won out and I continued to have a streak of abusive relationships.
After my second divorce, I laid face down on the floor and sobbed until my eyes were swollen. How could I go on like this? I had to figure out how to pick up the pieces and create a better life for my children. Why was this pattern still happening? Why did I attract men like this?
And then it hit me.
It’s because I believed it was all I deserved.
I knew I would repeat this pattern until I could stand up for my worth. That’s when I realized I had to change.
I smarted small. I would write down the things I loved about myself and look for evidence that those things were true. I could catch my negative thinking and reframe my thoughts. I would write love notes to myself to cheer myself on. I changed my relationship with failure and started seeing mistakes as opportunities to grow.
It didn’t happen overnight. And I still caught myself seeking outside approval to validate my worth sometimes. But I also started seeing that outside approval is a black hole that can never be filled.
No amount of outside approval was ever going to make me feel loveable. It’s an inside job.
As I have retrained my brain, everything has shifted. It changed how I treat my body. It changed how I talk to myself after a mistake. And it changed how I show up in my parenting.
Now I’m a life coach who helps women create a life of fun and joy because they know who they are. They know their value and they dare to speak up for themselves.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I got my degree in psychology because I desperately wanted to understand my family and why it was sometimes painful to be a part of one. I had hoped to become a marriage and family therapist and help families thrive.
My dreams were derailed when I found out my first child had autism. The life I had imagined was gone and I decided to build something better for my family. After my divorce, I found life coaching and fell in love with that style of helping people to heal. I got certified in a faith-based program and began my journey to help women heal their hearts so they can have a life full of joy.
I also started a Kindness Camp for young girls to learn how to be confident, care for their emotional well-being, communicate their wants and needs, accept differences in others, and how to serve others. Kind leadership can change the world and I want the younger generation to learn these skills.
What I love most about my business is showing women and young girls that they are absolutely worth loving and worth speaking up for. My story of overcoming self-loathing and recovering from multiple abusive relationships is evidence that regardless of your circumstances, you can create a beautiful life.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I wouldn’t be where I am today without healing my relationship with failure. Our culture has made it the new “F” word. We often hear things like, “Failure is not an option.” So it becomes terrifying to think you might fail. But the reality is, you will fail. The goal can’t be “don’t fail” because you’ll end up discouraged and disappointed. Make the goal to learn from failure and then watch how much faster you grow. Start by noticing how you talk to yourself after you make a mistake. Do you shame yourself? Or do you give yourself grace? Adopting a growth mindset will dramatically change your results.
In a world of constant competing voices, it’s difficult to know what direction to take in your business, your relationships, or your life. if you want to eliminate the overwhelm, learning to trust your intuition is critical. There have been so many times over the past 5 years that I was drowning in self-doubt about my abilities as a business owner. I was terrified that if I couldn’t make it work, my children and I would end up homeless. Some days, I’d be so paralyzed with fear that I couldn’t take the next step towards anything. Learning to listen to that inner voice has created a stillness inside of me that I can’t explain. I get quiet and listen to my body and when my inner knowing says yes, I listen. When it says no, I listen. Start to listen and watch the self-doubt disappear.
Learn to fall in love with yourself. Not self-absorbed, self-centered, or selfish. LOVE yourself. Figure out what is your brand of magic. What is good about you? What unique talents and gifts do you bring to the table? If you haven’t discovered them yet, make it your top priority to find out. Every single person has things that are special about them. Then it’s your responsibility to share your magic with the world. There are a lot of hurting people out there who need your magic. There are things that only YOU can say or do that will create the impact they need. You can’t change your corner of the world if you are wasting time hating yourself. Do the work to learn who you are and then just SHINE. Things will fall into place when you know how you are meant to impact the world.
Who is your ideal client or what sort of characteristics would make someone an ideal client for you?
My ideal clients would be women who want to stop the second-guessing, the self-loathing, and the shame. If they are ready to learn how to remove the roadblocks keeping them from having the fun and joyful life they are craving, I’m the guide they are looking for.
I never thought I would shut down that negative voice in my head. I never thought I would be strong enough to stop seeking everyone else’s approval. But I have and you can too. I’ll show you how.
If my story resonates with you and something inside you says, “Yes!” then let’s work together. I would love to support you. You are not broken. You are wounded and I can help you heal those wounds. Together we can build the habits that will be sustainable in your everyday life. Real change is created in small consistent steps.
You deserve to feel loveable and worthy. Let’s do this.
Contact Info:
- Website: anniejoy.com
- Instagram: @anniejoy.speaks
- Facebook: Annie Joy Carter
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annie-joy-carter-76577b189?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app
Image Credits
Lindsey House – Photographer Abigail Volkman – Photographer Lisa-Marie Vecchio – Graphic Designer
