We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful April Cole. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with April below.
April, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?
There was a time when I thought I would never be able to be comfortable in a crowd. I was much younger. I had a full-time job in a small hometown bank. It didn’t require much, repetition was easy. I was friendly and known as the girl with a great smile. The mere thought of being outside of my routine in a room of people was terrifying. I couldn’t speak unless my lines were laid out in simple terms. I had to rehearse even the simplest things. This was in the late 80s and early 90s before mental health was discussed openly. I got married, had two children, and resigned to the role of housewife, against my better judgment. I don’t have regrets, but inside I always knew there was more in store for me. Early on I found that if I chose the right clothes, I could play a brief role and people believed the character. I played the role just long enough so that my fears would not consume me. I became an expert, pretending; researching what to say, using my style, and rehearsing what that looked like for me. Over time I made a few friends but never admitted how much I struggled to maintain my persona on the outside.
Eventually, I mastered the art of one-on-one conversation and became more confident as I learned about myself. Still, each time I entered a full room of people, it was the same thing – always a frightened, plastered smile, wallflower, hiding or exiting in a frenzy. Of course, I made it look so much better on the outside than I felt on the inside. I tried many things from hypnosis to church counseling. I just didn’t know where to go for help. I simply was not comfortable in any public setting and with this came so much shame. The harder I pushed the more exhausted I was. At my worst, paralyzed behind closed doors, often not able to get out of bed. In early 2000, after a serious episode, I ended up talking to a psychologist who helped me connect the dots to my traumatic childhood. There I learned how to meditate. Still no diagnosis, meditation helped me function for longer periods. I practiced and practiced, hiding in bathrooms, deep breathing, and avoiding large crowds all through a divorce, college, and my first real attempts at a career in my late 40s. I was desperate to be “normal” even missing my college graduation because I wasn’t sure I could manage it. There would be many more challenges ahead but with each milestone, I would open up more and find support. I began to release shame and attempted therapy a second, third, and then many more times. Therapy finally made sense to me at 55. I felt safe enough to unpack. I learned to be successful as the only one in the room when I was 57.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
As a professional buyer, my real passion lies in utilizing Instagram on social media to uplift people, particularly women of all ages, through my life stories.
It took years for me to find my voice, lost but always believed I had something important to say. Throughout my adult life, achieving a sense of inner peace has been a journey, and now I’m determined to inspire others to believe in possibility for themselves.
My next project is a non-fiction storytelling podcast, called Farewell to Fairy Tales, where I’ll share my narrative and occasionally feature the stories of others, all in the hopes of fostering empowerment and hope.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Three qualities, skills, and areas of knowledge I possess include developing authentic friendships and having grit – it’s the thing that has helped me start over several times and keeps me in a state of “everything is figure-table.” I’m not afraid to be the only one, the oldest, or the only one that looks like me.
My advice would be if you’re feeling stuck and you have a little money, invest in a coach, and listen. If money is tight, start with something small. Maybe you can start by saying “Hi” to as many people as you can when you enter a room, choose a topic and research the hell out of it, or look at yourself in the mirror and point out one quality that has nothing to do with your looks. Try telling yourself that you are a problem solver for 30 days. You will begin to see solutions.
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collaborate with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
Collaboration can be incredibly rewarding, both personally and professionally. I am looking for opportunities to amplify my message, reach a broader audience, and create something truly impactful. I want to team up with like-minded individuals, organizations, or brands, to bring a fresh perspective. It’s taken me a long time to find my voice. I am seeking more places to share and gain more experience with speaking and storytelling. I want to be a bridge for generations to connect, create a positive change in the world, and instill hope.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @perrsnicketee
- Other: New podcast to come 3/2024 April Cole Farewell to Fairy Tales
