We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Ariel Harrison a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Ariel , so great to have you on the platform. There’s so much we want to ask you, but let’s start with the topic of self-care. Do you do anything for self-care and if so, do you think it’s had a meaningful impact on your effectiveness?
As my lifestyle and life’s demands have changed, so has my perception of self-care and its implementation. I used to think that self-care was simply self-maintenance. Things such as getting my hair or my nails done, getting a massage, taking a road trip, or taking a nap counted as self-care for me. Over time, I realized that some times, those things became counter-productive, as I would think about all of the things that I could or should be doing while I was supposed to be relaxing. Other times, I would find ways to multitask or work in between or during my self-care activities. I was checking work emails, completing tasks, or working when I was supposed to be on a break or vacation.
What I learned was that my self-care activities were not helping to relax or relieve me from the day-to-day challenges of balancing work, family, and life. They started to become more activities to add to my to-do list and also processes that I felt guilty about not completing if I would opt out. I had to reexamine the goal of what I wanted to achieve with self-care and the role that self-care played in my life. If it wasn’t being effective, then it was not self-care.
One day when I was feeling overwhelmed, I asked myself a question regarding what I would do if I became a millionaire. I thought about the things that I felt like I would be able to afford to do and not to do anymore. Then I asked myself why I wanted to do or not do those things. My overall goal was that I wanted help. I wanted more time to enjoy my family. I wanted more alone time. I wanted to feel less stressed with everything in which I was solely responsible for completing. Those desires could not be fulfilled and were not being addressed with a monthly massage or trip to a nail salon. My self-care activtities were temporary fixes to a more long term need.
So, I started to ask myself what lifestyle changes I could make to care for myself and to attain my overall goals. I also had to weigh the costs and benefits to implementing these new strategies. Some changes would cost more money and others would cost more time. I made a deal with myself that I would try to address my goals and, if my solutions didn’t work or became more of a stressor than a suppport, I would stop. My self care strategies included hiring a monthly house cleaning service, finding an affordable weekly meal planning service, joining a family-focused gym that featured family-friendly classes and childcare, scheduling downtime during my work week, seeing a counselor, and planning a consistent way to meet with friends and family. I also greatly decreased my time on social media and worked to modify the content that I viewed when I was using social media. While I still kept my self-maintenance activities, I tried to find a way to restructure my self-care into a predictable routine that met my needs. I didn’t need to be a millionaire in order to find ways to make my life a little easier (even though I wouldn’t mind being one).
My renewed self-care changes have had a great impact on my effectiveness. I don’t have to worry as much about certain tasks such as cleaning or cooking when I know that they are set up already. I have more time to be present with my family, my physical and mental health are improving, and I feel as though I am setting a positive example for my children. I feel less overwhelmed and I have been able to tailor my routine to what works and what does not. I would say that reframing the concept of self-care from what I do to or for myself into how I meet my overall lifestyle goals has helped me to create more of a work/family/life balance.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
In additon to being a mommy to two amazing sons, I am a counselor educator, licensed professional counselor, and author. As a counselor educator, I educate future school counselors and clinical mental health counselors on ways to better support K-12 students and clients of all ages. As a licensed professional counselor, I support the mental health journeys of women and teenage girls as they work to understand and address life’s challenges. As an author, I share research, lessons, and strategies via books and articles to support the needs and knowledge base of individuals in the fields of education, counseling, and counselor education.
The exciting part about what I do includes knowing that I am only a facilitator to the tools and abilities that others possess. I am able to witness growth in others, to encourage change, and to use my personal and professional experiences to assist others in any stage of life.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Three qualities that were most impactful in my journey were self-awareness, vulnerability, and faith. I needed to have self-awareness of personal strengths and weakness in order for me to understand what needed to change. In order to become self-aware, I needed to allow myself to be vulnerable about things I was not doing well and mistakes that I was making. I also need to recognize when I needed help. Finally, faith encompasses so much in my journey as my trust in God, belief in my abilities to grow and change, and envisioning my future successes were necessary to persevere in challenging times as well as when I was setting new goals.
My advice to others who are early in their journey includes doing a deep dive into your strengths and weaknesses to understand where you might excel and where you need help. Understand that consistently achieving goals can be overwhelming at first, especially when you may encounter challenges or it seems as though your process is slow. But remember that your process starts with one small accomplishment and one goal at a time.
Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?
The most impactful thing my parents did for me includes showing me the power of love, support, and family. I know unconditional love because of my family. My paternal grandparents lived with us, and my maternal grandmother lived 5 minutes away. My aunts, uncles, and cousins lived 10 minutes away. Celebrations, such as birthdays, holidays, school plays, sports games, or award ceremonies, were important, and many people were always in attendance. My birthday (which I also share with my youngest brother) is July 4th. So, in addition to fireworks, I can’t think of a time when my family did not go all out to celebrate me with cookouts, beach trips, magicians, sleepovers, and friends. While my parents did not have much money, my upbringing never reflected that. I took piano and ballet lessons, played basketball and baseball, was a cheerleader, and danced in the high school marching band.
Food has always been the love language included in every family-centered event. We would have cookouts, meet at restaurants after a ceremony or special occasion, or share food during the holidays. In these settings, I would receive the love and support that I needed to tackle difficult situations, such as discrimination, racial microaggressions, bad relationships, challenging friendships, or challenges raising my children.
The ways in which my parents and my family always show up for me influences how I show up for my sons. My family has pushed and equipped me to have the tools to support myself and my family. My influential life events include every graduation where I walked across the stage and saw my family cheering for me, every time that I have moved to a new city and my family has been around to help or supervise, and the birth of my sons when my mother has stayed to help me. The unconditional but not unopinionated love from my family has motivated me to take chances, to take charge, not to wallow in defeat too long, and to share the gift of love that I receive with others both personally and professionally.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://secure.helloalma.com/providers/ariel-harrison/
- Instagram: @arielharrisonconsulting
- Other: www.amazon.com/author/drarielharrison
