We recently connected with Ashleigh DuBois and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Ashleigh, appreciate you sitting with us today. Maybe we can start with a topic that we care deeply about because it’s something we’ve found really sets folks apart and can make all the difference in whether someone reaches their goals. Self discipline seems to have an outsized impact on how someone’s life plays out and so we’d love to hear about how you developed yours?
One of my favorite questions to ask is, “do you want me to lie? Or do you want me to tell you the truth?” I ask this question because people ask big questions… but rarely are they ready for the truthfully filthy answer that is my life… so here’s a small portion of what I’ve overcome to have self-discipline and use it to my advantage.
Growing up my granny, Odessa, was my best friend. She was my everything and I adored every part of her. My granny was a routine woman, breakfast was served at 7:30am and after she cooked and cleaned the kitchen, the kitchen was closed until she made lunch. We ate at the same time every day. I didn’t realize until recently, that I got my love of routine from her and it’s shaped how I live my life, how I place boundaries around my life and how I maximize time and experiences in my life.
But that pretty story isn’t the whole story… my mother and father split when I was maybe two years old. My mother went on to be in physically abusive relationships that caused us to live in battered women shelter and even spending a Christmas in there because we had nowhere to go. That kind of trauma, violence and unstable environment made me want one thing more than anything… stability.
My dad was an over the road truck driver so he would be gone for weeks at a time and it was hard being a daddy’s girl and wanting him to “save me” from this life, when his livelihood was driving over the road. I struggled with abandonment issues from a father who was distantly present, angry with the world and bad with money.
I had no stability whatsoever, I had love and concern but everything else fell on my shoulders. And that responsibility got even heavier when I was nine years old. My mother picked me up from school and we went shopping, and then to her usual place, Grumpy’s bar downtown Cincinnati on 7th street. My mother drank and flirted with random men, I had a Shirley temple drink and played those fake casino games that were on the computer monitor until she was ready to go home. My mother didn’t drive so we got a cab from downtown home and when we walked in the door, I ran to put my bags in my room when I heard a loud thud; like something hit the ground. Milo, our dog started barking and I ran outside my room to see my mother collapsed and seizing violently. Immediately tears ran down my face, I grabbed her head and put it in my lap, turning her face to the side so she wouldn’t choke. I called 911 from the home phone and the nice dispatcher helped me stay calm as I experienced one of the scariest moments of my life.
When the paramedics and cops came, I was shocked and alone. My older brother was still outside somewhere, my moms boyfriend wasn’t there either and my dad was on his way into town. They took my mom into the ambulance and my neighbors found my brother and told him to come home, while my moms boyfriend made his way into the ambulance before they pulled off.
This happened on Monday, January 22nd, 2001. I was in the fourth grade at the local elementary school. Tuesday morning, I woke up, ate cereal, put on clothes and went to school. I didn’t know what else to do. Luckily my teachers and principals new my family and our up and down situation… so they gave me snacks and asked if I was okay. My community stepped in to help me stay on track and I did the only thing I knew how to do, and that was finish what I started.
Ever since then, I’ve taken tragedy, heartache, grief and disappointment and used it to pull myself up one more time to finish the lap.
And now, Monday’s are my favorite day. I wake up around 4:00am every day. I’m still very routine in 90% of the things I do daily. That for me is stability. That’s self-discipline. That’s love in its rawest form. Doing the things I need to do despite what’s going on around me. I break when I need too and cry when I want to but I always do what I NEED to do; because no one can show up for you better than you can.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
This for me is in two parts. I work in Construction management and I love being a Construction Princess. I wear my makeup, fur coats and lip stick to the job site because it’s who I am and my company allows me to be authentically me. So, if you’re interested in working with us on a project please connect with me on LinkedIn!
Personally, I am a speaker and author. I wrote and published two books in a year. The first book was more like my journal turned obedience to the Lord because I never wanted to write or publish this kind of book. If anything, I thought I was going to write spicy romance novels under a pseudonym but God had other plans. My first book is called, Yes, But I Still Have Joy! t’s a book written in real time about grief, love and joy living simultaneously in ones heart. I also give a declaration for each chapter. It’s a shorter book and an easy read.
My second book is called the Broken Hearted Strong Friend. I love a conundrum and humanity is just that. I have often been called the strong friend, but as a person whose been through a lot and not all because of me; I’m also the brokenhearted friend that feels like no one ever checks on her. And that’s hard! So, I wrote the second book as a way to say, “I see you broken yet strong friend” and for people to know that we are never alone. God is always with us.
Both books are available on my website, HeyAshleigh.com and the e-books are just $5! Please do me one big favor… email me your thoughts, or DM me, whatever is easiest. I tell people all the time, if you reach out to me I will actually respond to you. Most people never do though, so I challenge you to reach out. Questions, thoughts, encouraging words… I’ll take all of it!
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
1. Find someone you love and trust enough to allow them to tell you “NO” without you pushing back, asking why or throwing a tantrum.
You NEED someone who loves you enough to tell you no. You need someone who you share your filthy thoughts, testimonies and secrets too who doesn’t judge you but is praying for you and loving on you so much that when you call them with an outlandish backsliden idea, they simply say “no”. And you say okay.
2. Do your research: when you’re going to events, networking, gala’s etc. Make a list of people you want to meet and chat with but don’t just go in with no information, research them. Ask them about an award they’ve recently won. Give them a compliment on their company doing well. Ask them about their overseas experience. Have a talking point that sticks out beyond “what do you do? or how long have you been in this role?” People like to feel seen, so see them.
3. Be truly authentic. If you hide yourself in interviews and on your job then you are going to be miserable trying to code-switch all the time. You are exactly who God wants you to be, so be that! I call myself a construction princess because I am a princess with or without my hardhat and boots…and my team knows it.The best thing you can be is you because then when people talk about you everyone will be saying the same thing. Consistency is your key to unlocking opportunities.
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
Is the bible to cliche of an answer? That’s a book people should read regularly because at every stage of life, you’ll get something else out of it.
A personal book I loved is called “Marriage Ain’t for Punks” and hear me out… yes it’s about marriage but every contract is essentially a marriage. When you sign your name on the dotted line for an amount of money and a desired outcome, you have to be ready for some really interesting conversations of both appreciation and disappointment. Learning how to talk to your partner and how you listen to them is important. Learning how to hear between the lines (yes I said it that way on purpose) will impact how you do business and how you deliver the end result. The book challenged me to listen, learn and be patient with not only my partner but myself.
A more professional and educational book is “Tribal Leadership” by Dave Logan and his team. When you understand how leadership is formed, given, taken and developed… you’ll look at your role and the role of your leaders very differently.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://HeyAshleigh.com
- Instagram: @HeyAshleighHey
- Facebook: Ashleigh DuBois
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleigh-dubois-904b7055/
- Youtube: HeyAshleigh
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
