We recently connected with Ashleigh Stevens and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Ashleigh , appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
My resilience comes from having no other choice. It brings me to the tattoo I have on my side, “you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.” When I think of my life, I had to learn resilience at such a young age, just to survive my surroundings. I was twelve years old when I went through the abuse of my stepfather. I was sixteen when my brother got cancer, eighteen when my other brother died, and twenty when I became a mother. Being resilient was never a choice for me, it was a necessity and years of therapy helped me foster that.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
As an English teacher, I love reading, writing, and most of all helping others. I knew that I was doing great work just being there for kids everyday, but deep in my soul I felt a burning to do more. To write a book. To publish my story. To share with the world the memories that haunt me as well as the ones that fill me with joy, to take them into “my rooms.” I wanted the world to see that even in our worst moments, we can find lessons, beauty, and who we truly are underneath. I wanted to let go of the shame that I carried about my story and hopefully inspire others to do the same. That is why I wrote Becoming Home: Journeying Through the Rooms of My Past to Reclaim My Story.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Do everything you can to get the help you need. My therapist saved my life. There is no doubt about that. I would not be the woman I am today without her. Writing my book, and letting go of so much hurt and shame in such a public way would have never happened if she didn’t help me find my way back to myself. Therapy is incredible if you are willing to do the work.
Self-reflection is also a major key to healing. It hurts and it is difficult to look in the mirror and see those behaviors that are problematic. It is hard to admit that sometimes it is our fault, but it is also extremely powerful because then we can control it. We can choose to do better, to learn how to do better, and to become someone that we love to see in the mirror.
Letting go of what is not ours to carry. While self-reflection shows us what is ours, it also shows us what is not. We cannot carry around the burden of others, we cannot blame ourselves for the damage they have caused us. We can just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep on fighting. We need to show young people that no matter what, you have to get back up and keep going. We need to show them that getting help from a professional is okay, it is not taboo, we all need help sometimes. And we need to remind ourselves that our time here is very short, and if we can embrace our darkest memories, we may just find the light and the lessons that are buried underneath. We may even find peace.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
Truthfully, it was my book. I have read so many incredible self-help novels and all of them have inspired me. However, none of them have healed me the way my own writing has.
In my book, Becoming Home: Journeying Through the Rooms of My Past to Reclaim My Story I take readers back in time. I let them see every metaphorical door into my mind. I take them into every tough memory, and eventually into some beautiful ones too. I let them in on the raw, horrific and beautiful moments. I let them in on my deepest emotions and fears. I bring them in with me and I do not feel alone.
The writing process was incredibly healing because it slows things down in such a way that allows for immense grief. I highly recommend journaling and writing down your hardships because it truly allows you to look into yourself with a more empathetic lens. If you are feeling alone in your trauma, if you’re on the edge of getting the help you need, I believe my book could be a great guide for you.
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Libby Watt Photography
