Meet Barbara Murphy

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Barbara Murphy. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Barbara below.

Hi Barbara, thanks for sitting with us today to chat about topics that are relevant to so many. One of those topics is communication skills, because we live in an age where our ability to communicate effectively can be like a superpower. Can you share how you developed your ability to communicate well?

I think my ability to communicate well comes from a variety of places. I came to be a fiction writer late in life, so I guess you could say I’ve been honing some of those skills for decades. But I specifically remember when I was in high school, I would sometimes ask my mother to help me with homework or quiz me in preparation for an exam. I’d let her read my essay assignments and she gave me two quality pieces of advice. First, know your audience and make sure that you’re writing at their level. If you talk down to them, they will lose interest. If you talk over their heads, they will not understand what you are trying to say. The second piece of advice sounds almost contradictory to the first, but it’s really just taking the “know your audience” point to another level. She’d say “Ask yourself this question. If you, as the writer, are not available to clarify your points to the reader, would they still be able to understand every point you are trying to make in your essay? If the answer is no, then you haven’t done your job as a writer. ” I’ve taken that advice in all of my written and verbal communications through the years, whether it be at work in a corporate environment, or in day-to-day life.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

If you’d asked me this question pre-Covid, I would have answered completely differently because up until then, I slogged my way through decades of employment in Corporate America, and I’ve been in IT for over 30 years. It’s paid the bills and allowed me to live fairly comfortably, but I had no passion for it. In my personal life, I’d always enjoyed writing, but never really dove into it because I was sure I couldn’t do it (Hello, Imposter Syndrome!) But somewhere in the stay-at-home-Covid days, I just started to put words on paper. Those words led to more words, and eventually chapters and the arc of a Sapphic romance storyline began to develop. In a matter of about six or seven weeks, I’d written an entire novel. After a couple of rejections from several Sapphic publishers, I finally found a home with Desert Palm Press, a small print publisher of Sapphic/women’s fiction. My first novel came out in January of 2023 and it’s called “Two Lives, One Heart.” I followed that up only a few months later with my second release, “When It’s True.” And I’m thrilled to have just released “A String of Days,” which I’m probably most proud of among my novels. My stories are fictional, but I draw from my own experiences as an older lesbian, having lived through the coming out days (back when doing that was not so easy) through break-ups and heartaches and happy endings. I was pleased to discover that there is a large community of Sapphic fiction writers out there, and so many readers who are willing and anxious to read stories about women they can relate to. I’m quite proud, at this stage of my life, to represent such a wonderful community.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Looking back over my career in corporate IT, I think the most important quality for me was trust. I’ve tried very hard to be a woman of my word. I used to have a Post-It note on my monitor that said “Because I said I would.” It reminded me that if I promised to do something, I had to follow through simply because I said I would.

I also think a sense of emotional intelligence is important because it involves not just an awareness of your own emotions and how they influence your actions, but also provides an understanding into the emotions of others, opening the door for empathy and concern for their well-being.

Lastly, I think that strong communication skills have played a big part in any success that I’ve had. This is especially true in my burgeoning writing career, obviously, but it’s also served me quite well in my “day job.” Communicating effectively with co-workers regardless of their position in the organization is a soft-skill that will never go out of style. Going back to the point I mentioned earlier, I tend to ask myself this question–if the recipient of my communication can understand what I am saying or what I have written without clarification, then I’ve done my job well. If not, I need to rethink that communication to make it more clear.

All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?

Oh, this is an easy one to answer – Imposter Syndrome! I’m attempting to start a writing career very late in life. The tendency to tell myself that I don’t belong in that world is strong. I’m an introvert by nature, and I’m not good at putting myself out into the world, which makes it very challenging for me to promote my work. There is a nagging voice in the back of my head saying “No – you don’t belong here!” That voice is loud, too!

As for how I overcome it, I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t really have that figured out yet. It helps when others recognize your work or when a good review comes in, and I’ve managed to garner a couple of awards for my work. But it’s a daily challenge to make the self-affirming voice louder than the imposter voice.

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