We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Barbara Sheehan-Zeidler, MA. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Barbara below.
Barbara, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
Resilience is a hot topic and I’m so glad it’s getting some time in the spotlight! Resilience is the ability to successfully adapt to life’s challenges or, in other words, to “bounce back”.
I believe my ability to be resilient started in my childhood. I was the seventh child in a family of eight children, plus a menagerie of animals. My mother was a model/actress in London, England and moved to the USA after WWII. My father was a widower with five children under the age of 5 who was leaning on the kindness of family to take care of the children while he earned a living as an independent milkman. My parents met and their love story began there. During their lifespans, my parents knew many of life’s challenges including financial insecurity, wartime, life-threatening illness, and deaths of spouses and children. Yet, through it all, they found something to be grateful for or some reason to get up the next day and try again, with a whisper of hope that this day would somehow be better.
Despite all the challenges, my parents raised our very large family to be optimistic, responsible, and persevering. We were raised to be solution-focused, exhibit self-control, and have lots of social support. And, while some may have considered us poor, I never felt poor because of all the love and care that surrounded me each day.
My parents and my family are the foundation of my resilience makeup.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
There came a time when my children grew taller than me and I knew I needed to discover what to do as my “Mommy” chapter closed and the next was about to begin. Chatting with my husband about this, he recalled the tremendous benefits I received from my personal trauma counseling and suggested I return to school to get a degree in counseling as this career aligned well with my values and personality. And so, I did!
Since 2008 I have had a private practice (Creative and Caring Counseling, LLC) in Littleton, Colorado where I work as a licensed professional counselor supporting adults who are ready to break free of the echoes of trauma and dare to live the life they dream of. My work is based on the premise that we are designed to heal and thrive under the right circumstances. My intention is to provide those circumstances – embodied safety, moment-to-moment attunement, nonjudgment, presence, patience, perspective, persistence, and playfulness – in the therapy room with the hope that each of my clients will bravely break through what holds them from achieving their best potential.
Lately my work with clients has shifted from traditional hourly appointments to more of an extended (2-3 hour appointments) or an intensive format (1 to 3 days in a row). This approach works well for the depth and breadth of the work clients and I get to explore together, and also works very well for busy people who may have limited time yet want to work through some challenging life events efficiently and effectively. This approach may not be the best fit for everyone but for those that it is, I am in awe of what can be accomplished with courage, compassion, and a dedicated time to healing and transformation.
As an EMDR Approved Consultant and IFS Somatic Certified clinician, I also provide consultation to colleagues and agencies on these therapeutic modalities as well as topics related to the brain/body connection, attachment wounds, and all forms of trauma. Additionally, I write curriculum and provide workshops on topics I am passionate about such as healing from and integrating trauma, therapeutic presence, polyvagal theory, and resilience in the therapy room. I also regularly speak at conferences and love to ignite audiences to make empowered, positive changes. I am especially inspired to help clinicians take their careers, and for corporations to elevate their dynamics, to unprecedented levels of connection, creativity, curiosity, compassion, confidence, calm, and clarity.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Three qualities or skills that have been most impactful on my journey include:
I. RESILIENCE: Without resilience, I would have come to a full stop with loving life a long time ago. While resilience is a concept, Michigan State University (May 2022) reports emotionally resilient people have these 10 traits in common: (1) They self-regulate and set boundaries. (2) They keep good company. (3) They cultivate self-awareness. (4) They practice acceptance, aka have a growth (not rigid) mindset. (5) They’re willing to sit in the space of non-judgment and not-knowing. (6) They look for meaning, aka “post-traumatic growth”. (7) They have a menu of self-care habits. (8) They practice an optimistic worldview. (9) They entertain alternative endings. (10) They also get out of their head, aka they don’t linger in the negative narrative but practice witnessing of the thought and nonattachment.
II. COMPASSION OVER EMPATHY: As a mental health professional, I practice compassionate connection over empathy. While I bring empathy with me wherever I am, I practice connecting through compassion. According to the research of neuroscientist, Dr. Tania Singer, empathy can turn to empathic distress which brings about self-related feelings, poor health, burnout, withdrawal, and negative feelings. Whereas compassion brings other-related feelings, good health, vitality, prosocial engagement, and positive feelings. The therapeutic stance also lets me see the strengths and resilience of my clients, trusting their process, and empowering them to sense this within themselves. Compassion will not fatigue but toxic empathy will.
III. BE AUTHENTICALLY, WILDLY YOU: Being wildly you is THE BEST GIFT you can give yourself and those around you. This particular quality is something I work on daily as it isn’t always an easy thing to do. Here’s a tip that helps me discern who I am and what I stand for in any given moment. If I’m in a dilemma and not sure what to say, what to do, or what direction to take, I bring the concern specifically to my head, home of logic; then to my heart, home of values/emotions; and then to my gut, home of instinct and safety. I have an internal dialogue with each of these bits of intelligence (each of these body parts has neurons, so there is a type of intelligence there!) to thoughtfully consider all my feelings on the topic and then navigate the path from a mindful, connected place. Through this exercise, I’ve learned it’s okay to say “I’ll get back to you on that” and that someone else’s urgency doesn’t make it an emergency on my end. By being authentically and wildly you, it creates a safe space and invites others to be their truest self as well… and imagine what a world that would be!
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
If you personally or you as a representative of an organization are intrigued about being more self-aware, self-regulated, and self-determined to gain momentum in your life or for the life of your organization, I hope you’ll reach out to see how we might work together.
Dr. Henry Link said: “We generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action.” If you are ready to face a fear or explore a possibility and you’re wondering how I might support you, take that first step and reach out!
https://www.CreativeAndCaringCounseling.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbara-sheehan-zeidler/
https://www.facebook.com/barbaracounsels
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.creativeandcaringcounseling.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barbaracounsels_mindbodyspirit/?hl=en
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/barbaracounsels
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbara-sheehan-zeidler/
